Anonymous
04/11/2023 06:12
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
The people I know with lots of friends despite young kids grew up around here, went to college relatively near by and then came back. So they are still in touch with people from HS and college and they have a years long friendship to build off before things got crazy with kids. I am no longer in touch with anyone from high school, and have friends from college and graduate school but the closest one is around the beltway from me and many are a plane ride away. So yep we might chat on the phone semi regularly but I’d love more in person friends too.
My work went fully remote during the pandemic and I HATE it. I have considered leaving to find something in person when my kids are slightly older. After multiple hours of zoom I struggle to talk on the phone FaceTime as much as I used to. And I absolutely loathe virtual happy hours and team building events, the actual worst.
We get lots of military families and overseas families on 2-3 year stays and they have good friends after 6 months if they are upbeat, non political, volunteer and exercise with other moms. One of them recently became pta president after 2 years. They came from Australia. They didn't know anyone here.
I’m giggling a little at the idea that becoming PTA President means you have friends. Our PTA has sent out 4 desperate emails stating that if no one volunteers to run we will not have a PTA next year. We’d take a zombie at this point if they could show they had a kid at the school.
Doesn’t sound like you or your PTA are very fun
Anonymous
04/10/2023 23:46
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
The people I know with lots of friends despite young kids grew up around here, went to college relatively near by and then came back. So they are still in touch with people from HS and college and they have a years long friendship to build off before things got crazy with kids. I am no longer in touch with anyone from high school, and have friends from college and graduate school but the closest one is around the beltway from me and many are a plane ride away. So yep we might chat on the phone semi regularly but I’d love more in person friends too.
My work went fully remote during the pandemic and I HATE it. I have considered leaving to find something in person when my kids are slightly older. After multiple hours of zoom I struggle to talk on the phone FaceTime as much as I used to. And I absolutely loathe virtual happy hours and team building events, the actual worst.
We get lots of military families and overseas families on 2-3 year stays and they have good friends after 6 months if they are upbeat, non political, volunteer and exercise with other moms. One of them recently became pta president after 2 years. They came from Australia. They didn't know anyone here.
I’m giggling a little at the idea that becoming PTA President means you have friends. Our PTA has sent out 4 desperate emails stating that if no one volunteers to run we will not have a PTA next year. We’d take a zombie at this point if they could show they had a kid at the school.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 23:29
Subject: I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
I’m barely getting 6 hours of sleep, I don’t even have time to talk to and maintain my HS/college/grad school/work friendships, and don’t nearly have enough time to spend talking to my own husband. It’s not you, OP. I really, really don’t have the time and energy. Even with some mom acquaintances who I really have loved and believed we would be greet friends — it just hasn’t happened due to being so busy.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:37
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
OP- THIS response is everything and sums up the DMV area. People here take a very looong time if ever to really establish closeness and let their guard down. Way more so than other areas, it's just part of the culture. You are expected to already have a circle and everything you add to it is just gravy. Good luck
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:34
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
I'm guessing you are in an affluent area OP? I find people shun this "trying hard to make friends". You aren't supposed to really talk about it and it can take years to make real friends. Just remember- you aren't at summer camp, MOST of these moms HAVE their circle and don't need to add more so you need to tread lightly. It's like dating, if you look too desperate and needy, they won't like you and will be turned off.
If you are looking for just friends, there are lots of clubs and activities you can join to meet people (book club, church groups, any kind of Womens club, interest groups, etc, etc). I would go that route first. Just remember, making friends as an adult is hard and takes longer than it did in your college years and even 20s.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:24
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.
do NOt do this...you will scare people
Scare them? Why? Making friends requires leaps of faith+fun. I have what I call a hug rug. I take it places and anyone who steps on it is getting a hug. Friendships are fun.
Wow do not do this. PP is really out there.
+1. Sorry but no PP. Maybe in Portland, Oregon or some kind of hippie commune but overall I find DC moms to be waay to uptight for that
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:13
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.
do NOt do this...you will scare people
Scare them? Why? Making friends requires leaps of faith+fun. I have what I call a hug rug. I take it places and anyone who steps on it is getting a hug. Friendships are fun.
Wow do not do this. PP is really out there.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:12
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
The people I know with lots of friends despite young kids grew up around here, went to college relatively near by and then came back. So they are still in touch with people from HS and college and they have a years long friendship to build off before things got crazy with kids. I am no longer in touch with anyone from high school, and have friends from college and graduate school but the closest one is around the beltway from me and many are a plane ride away. So yep we might chat on the phone semi regularly but I’d love more in person friends too.
My work went fully remote during the pandemic and I HATE it. I have considered leaving to find something in person when my kids are slightly older. After multiple hours of zoom I struggle to talk on the phone FaceTime as much as I used to. And I absolutely loathe virtual happy hours and team building events, the actual worst.
We get lots of military families and overseas families on 2-3 year stays and they have good friends after 6 months if they are upbeat, non political, volunteer and exercise with other moms. One of them recently became pta president after 2 years. They came from Australia. They didn't know anyone here.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 22:05
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
It’s not you. It’s that you work full time. First of all don’t bother with the SAHMs. You can never put in enough FaceTime with them to make a dent compared to the time they can spend together. Are your kids in school? PTA and extracurricular activities were how I met other mom friends. It takes time though and many many unplanned interactions before the one on one adult time happens. Like I wasn’t going for coffee right out of the gate. Maybe after a year of volunteering together we would grab Drinks. Be patient and it will happen.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 21:10
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
The people I know with lots of friends despite young kids grew up around here, went to college relatively near by and then came back. So they are still in touch with people from HS and college and they have a years long friendship to build off before things got crazy with kids. I am no longer in touch with anyone from high school, and have friends from college and graduate school but the closest one is around the beltway from me and many are a plane ride away. So yep we might chat on the phone semi regularly but I’d love more in person friends too.
My work went fully remote during the pandemic and I HATE it. I have considered leaving to find something in person when my kids are slightly older. After multiple hours of zoom I struggle to talk on the phone FaceTime as much as I used to. And I absolutely loathe virtual happy hours and team building events, the actual worst.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 20:27
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.
do NOt do this...you will scare people
Scare them? Why? Making friends requires leaps of faith+fun. I have what I call a hug rug. I take it places and anyone who steps on it is getting a hug. Friendships are fun.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 15:32
Subject: I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
I think the women you are targetting for friendship already have too much on their social plates. Lots of friends, maybe a lot of family nearby, social husbands and so on.
There are probably many women who would happily be your friend but they aren't on your radar for whatever reason.
Also Republican women are usually extremely friendly and nice because they're so used to getting dumped for their politics.
There are probably many women who would happily be your friend but they aren't on your radar for whatever reason.
Also Republican women are usually extremely friendly and nice because they're so used to getting dumped for their politics.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 15:29
Subject: Re:I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.
Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.
I didn't mean it jerky. I'm not that outgoing and it just seems like people are amazingly friendly that I meet and I always feel bad I don't have more time for them. I meet people running, at the baseball park, playground, PTA. Most people with kids don't have time for many really close friends and with kids your life is an open book related to kids or closed off on personal matters you only discuss with your spouse. Moms are close with people for the time being while they are doing that activity. I would talk to one mom at the bus and then when the kids went off to different middle schools I rarely saw her. We are still friends though. Just not close ones. I just expect that most friends in my adult life will be like this. We will enjoy each other's company while we do things together. We are all capable of being friendly, sharing stories, and making plans to do things together. They aren't helping me out though in a financial crisis or anything like this though. They expect me to be an adult and make my own decisions.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 15:07
Subject: I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
I met my closest mom friend at an industry party for my work. Does your work have social events or happy hours of any kind? Conferences? Good way to meet people.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 12:24
Subject: I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Inviting for coffee is like an awkward date. It's weird. You're just going about things inorganically. What you do is you invite kids for playdates and hope that in the moments you see their moms, over time you chat, click, you start randomly texting each other, and a friendship accidentally forms organically.
+1 or if you collect anything invite them to check out your collection. I collect flashlights, for example, and people always find in interesting to see them. You just have to go with that flow.
omg I can"t imagine being excited by flashlights. Glad you found people who do. Your startegy would work well with show in tell in Kindergarten though.
+1 or if you collect anything invite them to check out your collection. I collect flashlights, for example, and people always find in interesting to see them. You just have to go with that flow.
Well, this has worked for me. Sometimes when a potential new friend is looking at the collection I'll stand behind them and say "Will you be my friend?" If it works, it works.
LOL You got us, PP.