Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

You are not a “friend” to this woman. Not even close.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds heavenly. As a woman who dated a lot in high school and met my husband in college I really wish I’d been the single woman who was living her life. I had my kids because that was the natural order of things. College, career, husband, house, dog, kids. Checked those boxes off.

After the divorce I realized how incredibly happy I could be alone. How amazing it was to be completely and utterly selfish and it wouldn’t impact anyone and no one could judge me for the way I chose to live. I’ve been able to make decisions for me and do whatever I wanted to do. It’s incredibly freeing.

Kids are in college and will always come first but the freedom being alone brings is just amazing! I’d bet at least a few of those women the OP knows are single by choice. There comes a time when you can be pickier about a partner and if you’re living the good life a partner needs to bring a lot to the table to be worthy of adding them into your life.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly related: the other day a single older woman posted here that she is self conscious sometimes about what other/married people think of her...replies were @that's crazy, people are too busy with their own lives to think about yours. And here we are with everyone chiming in about their Aunt Barbara who never got married. Good times.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

TROPE POSTER please learn a new vocabulary word

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

A lot of them don’t want to be scooped up and they’re sick of fending off suitors. I’ve been told I’m beautiful objectively and I’m 45 and I always have male attention and I can’t stand it and I’m single because I want to be single because I’m sick of men. They have nothing to offer. They’re always fawning over me and they’re annoying.

You being "sick" of men and thinking they have "nothing to offer" suggests you have had bad relationships with men (otherwise why would you be sick of them and how would you kow what they have to offer). SO you're different than the women OP is describing who have never been in relationships.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

A lot of them don’t want to be scooped up and they’re sick of fending off suitors. I’ve been told I’m beautiful objectively and I’m 45 and I always have male attention and I can’t stand it and I’m single because I want to be single because I’m sick of men. They have nothing to offer. They’re always fawning over me and they’re annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged man and I've dated a few women like this. I don't exactly know why, but women like this are sometimes drawn to me.
I guess I'm respectful and easy to talk to. Every woman like this is unique, but I've noticed some common qualities in most of them.

First, they are very anxious and hate to have disorder in their lives. They are not only good at work but they are good in a very particular way. They get lots of things done and their bosses love to pile on more work. Their personal lives are orderly too.

Second, and this is related, they dread messy breakups. They especially fear being dumped themselves.

Third, they tend to keep their sexual feelings under wraps. If they are comfortable they can be very passionate in bed but they don't spend much time thinking about or wanting sex. They don't feel the need to touch themselves much, if ever. And when they actually feel physically passionate they may be embarrassed about it or feel very vulnerable about it.

Fourth, they are usually viscerally repulsed by idiotic male traits (being pompous, etc.).

I know this describes quite a few women but I've seen these qualities a lot in beautiful women who have had very few romantic experiences.

Hahaha, as one of these women I think you've got it right. I'm queer and usually align myself on the asexual spectrum because I just don't think about sex very much. I don't mind it but it's not necessary for my daily life so lack of sex doesn't motivate me to push through the messiness to find a relationship. And as others have said, once you get used to living alone/being single especially if you're happy that way, it's really hard to be excited about the compromise required for a committed relationship. I'm not lonely -- I'm an introvert and have a lot of good friends, single and partnered, and am close with my family -- and I don't think my long term happiness relies on finding a partner so I'm also not on dating apps which makes the likelihood of ending up in a relationship pretty unlikely. I feel like relationships, like having kids, is something you should REALLY want and thus be willing to dedicate a lot of your time and emotional energy to if you're going to go for it. And I don't really want it; I'm just meh about it.

Do you ever crave sexual touch from yourself or someone else? Can you have an O?

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged man and I've dated a few women like this. I don't exactly know why, but women like this are sometimes drawn to me.
I guess I'm respectful and easy to talk to. Every woman like this is unique, but I've noticed some common qualities in most of them.

First, they are very anxious and hate to have disorder in their lives. They are not only good at work but they are good in a very particular way. They get lots of things done and their bosses love to pile on more work. Their personal lives are orderly too.

Second, and this is related, they dread messy breakups. They especially fear being dumped themselves.

Third, they tend to keep their sexual feelings under wraps. If they are comfortable they can be very passionate in bed but they don't spend much time thinking about or wanting sex. They don't feel the need to touch themselves much, if ever. And when they actually feel physically passionate they may be embarrassed about it or feel very vulnerable about it.

Fourth, they are usually viscerally repulsed by idiotic male traits (being pompous, etc.).

I know this describes quite a few women but I've seen these qualities a lot in beautiful women who have had very few romantic experiences.

Anonymous wrote:Gen X here. For people in my generation, it was because of trauma (sexual abuse or assault, etc). I think this is also true for a good portion of younger folks, but for them it also could be because they lack social skills

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged man and I've dated a few women like this. I don't exactly know why, but women like this are sometimes drawn to me.
I guess I'm respectful and easy to talk to. Every woman like this is unique, but I've noticed some common qualities in most of them.

First, they are very anxious and hate to have disorder in their lives. They are not only good at work but they are good in a very particular way. They get lots of things done and their bosses love to pile on more work. Their personal lives are orderly too.

Second, and this is related, they dread messy breakups. They especially fear being dumped themselves.

Third, they tend to keep their sexual feelings under wraps. If they are comfortable they can be very passionate in bed but they don't spend much time thinking about or wanting sex. They don't feel the need to touch themselves much, if ever. And when they actually feel physically passionate they may be embarrassed about it or feel very vulnerable about it.

Fourth, they are usually viscerally repulsed by idiotic male traits (being pompous, etc.).

I know this describes quite a few women but I've seen these qualities a lot in beautiful women who have had very few romantic experiences.

Hahaha, as one of these women I think you've got it right. I'm queer and usually align myself on the asexual spectrum because I just don't think about sex very much. I don't mind it but it's not necessary for my daily life so lack of sex doesn't motivate me to push through the messiness to find a relationship. And as others have said, once you get used to living alone/being single especially if you're happy that way, it's really hard to be excited about the compromise required for a committed relationship. I'm not lonely -- I'm an introvert and have a lot of good friends, single and partnered, and am close with my family -- and I don't think my long term happiness relies on finding a partner so I'm also not on dating apps which makes the likelihood of ending up in a relationship pretty unlikely. I feel like relationships, like having kids, is something you should REALLY want and thus be willing to dedicate a lot of your time and emotional energy to if you're going to go for it. And I don't really want it; I'm just meh about it.