Anonymous
03/20/2023 19:15
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.
THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.
Don't German children eat ketchup on pasta?
French poster from above. My kids love ketchup on pasta! And many other things besides...
Italy weeps...
This. I am Italian and this is probably the biggest food sin.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 19:13
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
People have become so weird about food. When I was a kid, you ate what you were served or you didn’t eat. It was as simple as that. And I knew barely anyone with food allergies.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 19:07
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:My goal is that everyone has a couple of things they can eat not that everyone can eat every thing. Have to say I gave up when my sister kosher no carb sister requested vegetarian last spring but when I added a hearty veg dish to Thanksgiving she said she could not eat it as it was dairy and she planned to eat turkey. I am done with her now.
Haha, hosting a kosher mostly-vegetarian with a bean and dairy aversion ("I eat ethically raised meat and sustainable fish, and beans and dairy upset my digestion") is what broke me as well. Now I host spaghetti and pizza nights.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 18:45
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
I don’t eat meat. I do eat fish. If people ask I tell the. Otherwise I always assume people have something I can eat. This only back fired on me once, when the only thing the person served was chili. (No it wasn’t Super Bowl). I didn’t complain. I sat politely because I’m not a toddler.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 16:05
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'll be totally honest. As a very, very good cook who plans her menus and wine pairings, etc. - I don't want guests bringing food unless it is supposed to be a potluck. If you do, you're messing up my spread and my menu. ESPECIALLY don't bring something large that you expect to share with others - if you have an allergy or religious dietary restriction I will cater to it, but it it's about pickiness, if you must, bring a single serving portion of something for yourself. But do not expect your potato salad to be put out on a gorgeously arranged table spread with an Italian feast. Again - total honesty - it isn't about my feelings being hurt that you don't like my food - although for some people it may be. For me it's straight up that I want my I want my guests and myself to experience the evening and curated menu I had planned, not be eating potato salad alongside carbonara.
I'm sure you aren't inviting picky eaters in the first place, so you wouldn't run into this problem.
Mostly you're correct, although on occasion a picky eater has wound up here as the guest of someone else. Or it's not about pickiness, it's about them really believing their potato salad/whatever-it-is makes every meal better.
Typically after the first time they realize that they shouldn't bring anything they expect to be served without asking first/being asked. If they don't figure it out, they become someone I meet elsewhere (happy to see them at restaurants, etc.) but I stop inviting them for dinner at my home.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 14:57
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
I do think it's very American. It's connected to the American tendency to be individualistic and kind of obsessive about things. See also: the American approach to exercise, religion, work
Yes, this type of entitlement would never be tolerated in Europe. We host a lot and half our friends are European or otherwise foreign. I have never had any complaints or special requests from them. And, to be fair, the majority of Americans I know are also pretty reasonable and polite.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 14:56
Subject: Re:Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:I'll be totally honest. As a very, very good cook who plans her menus and wine pairings, etc. - I don't want guests bringing food unless it is supposed to be a potluck. If you do, you're messing up my spread and my menu. ESPECIALLY don't bring something large that you expect to share with others - if you have an allergy or religious dietary restriction I will cater to it, but it it's about pickiness, if you must, bring a single serving portion of something for yourself. But do not expect your potato salad to be put out on a gorgeously arranged table spread with an Italian feast. Again - total honesty - it isn't about my feelings being hurt that you don't like my food - although for some people it may be. For me it's straight up that I want my I want my guests and myself to experience the evening and curated menu I had planned, not be eating potato salad alongside carbonara.
I'm sure you aren't inviting picky eaters in the first place, so you wouldn't run into this problem.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 14:45
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would state your basic menu and everyone can then bring something else they want. Do a potluck so they just don't show up and get fed. Accomplishes two things: those picky people need to cook (or buy) something they like and bring it and they get some of the pain of hosting.
As a person with actual food allergies / intolerances I actually like it when I make a dish to bring because then I know there will be something I can eat.
Don't get fancy and have lists. Just say you will provide one meat or vegan main dish and drinks and dessert or something. Then everyone else can bring a side dish that fits whatever pickiness they have.
No potlucks. If you host you cook and provide everything. This isn't college.
Every big family meal we have is at least semi-potluck. It's really the best solution. The host makes the main and maybe hors d'oeuvres and a dessert, the guests supplement with sides, salads, more dessert. Everyone gets something they like, takes some of the burden off the host, win-win. If you can't pull it together to make a side dish or a salad, you can bring wine.
Hosting and cooking everything for super picky people is not required. Potlucks or partial potlucks are fine, even as adults, because you want some of these guests to follow their own picky eating rules.
Hosting, providing a main entree or two, and drinks is enough to provide for picky eaters. And of they all bring their favorite picky (or allergy compliant, for those like me who need it) side, win win.
There is no need for adults to provide restaurant level service for other adults unless that is just something they enjoy doing. Since I do have actual food allergies, I prefer to prepare my own food whenever possible.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 14:29
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.
THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.
+1. My family is Asian American, and we taught that it was the height of ill manners to be picky as an adult. An adult who publicly claimed not to like certain foods was considered to be poorly raised, an embarrassment to the family. Allergies were completely understandable and accommodated. And in my experience, it's always white Americans who are so provincial about food.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 14:09
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
I have food allergies and I don't expect to be accommodated, just tell me if the dish has walnuts in it before I eat it. It is one meal, I won't starve to death if I can't eat anything.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 13:40
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.
THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.
Don't German children eat ketchup on pasta?
French poster from above. My kids love ketchup on pasta! And many other things besides...
Italy weeps...
Anonymous
03/20/2023 12:43
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
I do think it's very American. It's connected to the American tendency to be individualistic and kind of obsessive about things. See also: the American approach to exercise, religion, work
Anonymous
03/20/2023 12:39
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would state your basic menu and everyone can then bring something else they want. Do a potluck so they just don't show up and get fed. Accomplishes two things: those picky people need to cook (or buy) something they like and bring it and they get some of the pain of hosting.
As a person with actual food allergies / intolerances I actually like it when I make a dish to bring because then I know there will be something I can eat.
Don't get fancy and have lists. Just say you will provide one meat or vegan main dish and drinks and dessert or something. Then everyone else can bring a side dish that fits whatever pickiness they have.
No potlucks. If you host you cook and provide everything. This isn't college.
Every big family meal we have is at least semi-potluck. It's really the best solution. The host makes the main and maybe hors d'oeuvres and a dessert, the guests supplement with sides, salads, more dessert. Everyone gets something they like, takes some of the burden off the host, win-win. If you can't pull it together to make a side dish or a salad, you can bring wine.
Anonymous
03/20/2023 12:26
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.
We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.
THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.
Don't German children eat ketchup on pasta?
French poster from above. My kids love ketchup on pasta! And many other things besides...
Anonymous
03/20/2023 12:23
Subject: Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.
If you are that person can you please please tell us why?
Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?
You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?
Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.
If being vegan means wearing PVC (sorry, “vegan leather”) while wrapping yourself in the mantle of righteousness and superiority, then I don’t think anyone should be vegan.
I'm vegan but never say it that way because of people like you. Nobody is eating their belt or their shoes--leather is not really part of a discussion regarding food.
Leather is consuming meat. Just because you’re not ingesting it doesn’t mean you’re not consuming it. If you are going to be vegan, be vegan. Plenty of vegan fake leather goods out there. If you consume animal products, you aren’t really vegan. So good thing you don’t say you are, because you are not.
Vegan leather is terrible for the environment.
I’m not vegan and I do wear leather. But you can’t call yourself a vegan while wearing leather sneakers—you are consuming animal products even if not ingesting them.