Anonymous wrote:Nanny sounds entitled. When you have a job you do what’s requested of you by your employer. If she doesn’t like it she can start her own company and do as she likes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You revealed a lot about yourself by how you dealt with the nanny. If I were your nanny-share friend, I would move on not only because of what you did but more so because how it reflects on your character more broadly.

Well that’s a bit excessive. I had a nanny who abused our generous sick leave and it was a real issue. OP has experienced the same with employees. OP was wrong the way she went about it, but she’s not a monster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp, you made your bed, now lie in it. I don’t blame the nanny at all. If she’s not one to frequently call out sick, you should have let it be. You seem incredibly awkward at almost all types of relationship, to be honest. I’m amazed you’re married.

These comments are always so ridiculous and unhelpful to the conversation at hand.

People can’t help but be mean. I have no idea why anyone comes here for support because they won’t ever find it.

Anonymous wrote:I am a DC native but moved across the country in 2017 to own a business with DH. We both had a really hard making friends due to some cultural differences in this part of the country. I befriended at my gym in late 2019 right before the pandemic. We created our own little pod with her and her husband and became very close. We also both got pregnant with our first within weeks of one another and both gave birth in summer 2021 within days of one another. We both stayed home for the first year and spent tons of time together and when we decided to go back to work realized that childcare was going to be a major issue. There’s a shortage of childcare options here. We couldn’t find a single decent daycare with an opening and my schedule didn’t really work well with a daycare center. I had a few babysitters and they just never worked out. Mostly college age kids who couldn’t commit. We decided to try a nanny share and posted an ad on our local Facebook childcare page and we ended up getting a response, did interviews and it was a great fit. Experienced and educated nanny, very flexible with our schedule and does a great job with two 1-year-olds. She’s been with us for about 9 months and it’s gone really well.

Here’s the issue; nanny got sick with strep last a few weeks ago and ended up missing three days. We’ve (my husband and I) have been running a business for over 5 years. It’s standard that we request doctors notes when we have numerous call ins for illness. I have gotten much pushback, I implemented it originally because we had employees who would lie about illnesses to miss significant amounts of work. That’s what was in my mind when I emailed our nanny and asked for her to bring in her doctors note when she returned. I now know this is not usually how it works with nannies, so I don’t need the lecture. However, this seemed to greatly offend her and she came in on a Monday with a doctors note and a letter of resignation. She said if we can’t trust her to be honest about her illnesses and reason for calling in then she doesn’t think we can trust her with our child so she decided it’s time to move on. She’s gave us four weeks notice.

But, she also told our share family that they also had a four weeks notice. She apparently told my friend/share family that she thinks it wouldn’t work for her to just continue working for our friends and that she needs the hourly share wage and that the hourly wage they can offer her on their own isn’t enough and she didn’t seem interested in them trying to find a different share situation with another family. She claimed she thought this was best because she “didn’t want to make things awkward” between my friend and I but only working for one family. However, now we have one week left with nanny (yes it’s been very awkward) and neither of us have found childcare alternatives. We’re having my in-laws come in for a week or so to give us more time. Our friends do not have family that can assist and that’s created a lot of tension. I offered to have my in-laws help with their LO and they declined. They don’t seem interested in trying a share again and are more serious about looking into a daycare while we still prefer another babysitter. My friend has also been super distant and I know she’s angry with me and I understand the frustration but I don’t think we’re wholly at fault.

Going back I wouldn’t have requested the doctors note but I don’t think it’s a crazy thing to request for any employee. I feel like if the nanny was willing to quit over something so small we have been unknowingly walking on eggshells with her the entire time and didn’t know it. We know she can find a job much easier than we can find a nanny because there are so many families desperate for care. She definitely has always had the upper hand.

But now I just deeply regret the nanny share idea as a whole. 9 months of childcare is not worth 3.5 years or friendship. I’m just so sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The doctors note was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

This, plus household employees are generally super sensitive about things like strict rules, average pay, lack of autonomy. They are generally looking for the least amount of work for the greatest amount of money, as well as for the families that give them very broad autonomy and don’t micromanage.
They know someone who appreciates them and treats them with general respect and trust.

I know because my neighbor works in caregiving, and she has a ton of offers but it is very hard to make her stick to one. If her charge is difficult or annoying, she quits. If the relatives are cheap, she quits.
If extra duties are piled up on her without extra pay - she quits.
She has one stable job where she is a live in, rules the roost, the daughter of the woman pays her a decent salary and a decent amount of food money, never really visits, her charge is immobile and has a cheerful personality etc.
Its a skill to be able to retain a low pay employee with a good choice of other positions

Ooof, yes, this is why we ended up tolerating a great deal of lying/fake sick days from our nanny. I was MOSTLY confident in her ability to care for our child, but never totally happy with it. I guess I figured it was better that her flaws be up front, and I knew she really did like my kid.

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a job where a note was requested. I am an adult and know how to manage my own illnesses and when to seek medical care. I def do not need my employer to tell me when to see a doctor. I would hate to work for you.

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't regularly take off and really flexible, you should not have asked for a doctors note or say, I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well, would you like us to pay the co-pay and ask for a receipt? If she constantly took off, yes, it's ok to ask for a note, but this isn't the situation.

Fix it by offering a pay raise, apologizing and asking if there is anything you can do to fix the situation.

Anonymous wrote:I am a DC native but moved across the country in 2017 to own a business with DH. We both had a really hard making friends due to some cultural differences in this part of the country. I befriended at my gym in late 2019 right before the pandemic. We created our own little pod with her and her husband and became very close. We also both got pregnant with our first within weeks of one another and both gave birth in summer 2021 within days of one another. We both stayed home for the first year and spent tons of time together and when we decided to go back to work realized that childcare was going to be a major issue. There’s a shortage of childcare options here. We couldn’t find a single decent daycare with an opening and my schedule didn’t really work well with a daycare center. I had a few babysitters and they just never worked out. Mostly college age kids who couldn’t commit. We decided to try a nanny share and posted an ad on our local Facebook childcare page and we ended up getting a response, did interviews and it was a great fit. Experienced and educated nanny, very flexible with our schedule and does a great job with two 1-year-olds. She’s been with us for about 9 months and it’s gone really well.

Here’s the issue; nanny got sick with strep last a few weeks ago and ended up missing three days. We’ve (my husband and I) have been running a business for over 5 years. It’s standard that we request doctors notes when we have numerous call ins for illness. I have gotten much pushback, I implemented it originally because we had employees who would lie about illnesses to miss significant amounts of work. That’s what was in my mind when I emailed our nanny and asked for her to bring in her doctors note when she returned. I now know this is not usually how it works with nannies, so I don’t need the lecture. However, this seemed to greatly offend her and she came in on a Monday with a doctors note and a letter of resignation. She said if we can’t trust her to be honest about her illnesses and reason for calling in then she doesn’t think we can trust her with our child so she decided it’s time to move on. She’s gave us four weeks notice.

But, she also told our share family that they also had a four weeks notice. She apparently told my friend/share family that she thinks it wouldn’t work for her to just continue working for our friends and that she needs the hourly share wage and that the hourly wage they can offer her on their own isn’t enough and she didn’t seem interested in them trying to find a different share situation with another family. She claimed she thought this was best because she “didn’t want to make things awkward” between my friend and I but only working for one family. However, now we have one week left with nanny (yes it’s been very awkward) and neither of us have found childcare alternatives. We’re having my in-laws come in for a week or so to give us more time. Our friends do not have family that can assist and that’s created a lot of tension. I offered to have my in-laws help with their LO and they declined. They don’t seem interested in trying a share again and are more serious about looking into a daycare while we still prefer another babysitter. My friend has also been super distant and I know she’s angry with me and I understand the frustration but I don’t think we’re wholly at fault.

Going back I wouldn’t have requested the doctors note but I don’t think it’s a crazy thing to request for any employee. I feel like if the nanny was willing to quit over something so small we have been unknowingly walking on eggshells with her the entire time and didn’t know it. We know she can find a job much easier than we can find a nanny because there are so many families desperate for care. She definitely has always had the upper hand.

But now I just deeply regret the nanny share idea as a whole. 9 months of childcare is not worth 3.5 years or friendship. I’m just so sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of company do you run? I’ve never ever had to provide a doctors note to any employee. Even when working in customer service.

Days off are days off. It doesn’t matter why, as long as it’s not excessive it’s truly not your business.

I work for a F500, any sick day absence beyond 3 days requires a note. I’ve never taken 3 days off in a row, so never had to get one, but it’s not some totally alien ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ me back to say that you're causing people to spend $150 to go to a doctor when it isn't always necessary. Also, huge time inconvenience.

Confirming strep required a doctors appointment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree you were wrong, but a friend who can’t forgive the misstep is a friend who would desert you at some point anyway. I think you’re better off without the friend. The fact the nanny isn’t willing to work with the friend to find a replacement for you means the nanny wants to move on, not just from you, but from your friend as well, and that’s not your fault. I don’t believe the nanny cares whether it would be awkward between you two (why would she care about that?) she is just using it as an excuse to move on. Sorry, OP, but I think if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else with these two.

I don’t know. It’s a pretty big deal to ruin your friend’s childcare arrangements.

I think it’s the nanny that’s ruining the childcare relationship with the friend. The nanny could just “fire” OP. The fact that she won’t means she isn’t interested in working with the friend, and that’s not OP’s fault. I think nanny would have left sooner rather than later anyway, not only because of OP.

Anonymous wrote:I agree you were wrong, but a friend who can’t forgive the misstep is a friend who would desert you at some point anyway. I think you’re better off without the friend. The fact the nanny isn’t willing to work with the friend to find a replacement for you means the nanny wants to move on, not just from you, but from your friend as well, and that’s not your fault. I don’t believe the nanny cares whether it would be awkward between you two (why would she care about that?) she is just using it as an excuse to move on. Sorry, OP, but I think if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else with these two.

Anonymous wrote:You revealed a lot about yourself by how you dealt with the nanny. If I were your nanny-share friend, I would move on not only because of what you did but more so because how it reflects on your character more broadly.