Anonymous
08/18/2024 12:15
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm worried of being overbearing or annoying. They've got their own busy lives.
They think you don't care and don't love them so I guess that's ok with you. SMH.
Not everyone is so insecure and easily offended.
Anonymous
08/18/2024 11:03
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
My son always asks for money, and gets mad when I don’t give in
Anonymous
08/18/2024 10:44
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Anonymous wrote:I'm worried of being overbearing or annoying. They've got their own busy lives.
They think you don't care and don't love them so I guess that's ok with you. SMH.
Anonymous
08/18/2024 10:37
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
If you make your parents feel welcome to call, they'll call. If you make them feel like they are intruding, they'll try to wait for you to call when it's convenient for you.
Anonymous
08/18/2024 10:09
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Hey parents what time do you get your babies ready for bed and what time do you get them up and ready for daycare tomorrow like early morning you leave early to go drop off your babies at daycare and then you can go run around and do whatever and then in the afternoon you go back to daycare and get your babies after there naps
Anonymous
08/18/2024 10:05
Subject: Re:Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
How come I can’t call any parents about what time they
Anonymous
08/16/2024 19:24
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
My parents never called me unless there was something to plan. I never took offense to it. I don’t think we started calling each other just to talk until I had children. No one’s feelings are hurt here.
Anonymous
08/15/2024 12:13
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
We call when there is something that needs discussing by voice, but for the most part we all text each other. We have a family group chat that includes spouses and pretty much every day one of us posts in that. I also know the siblings have their own chat where they talk about things they don't want the parents part of. 😁
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:27
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Answering the phone right away may be generational. But this requirement that you need to stay on the phone for 1+ hour to talk about nothing -- nobody previously did that! My parents rarely called grandparents. Phone was always the way to pass on urgent information. I think people now view phone as more intrusive and an unnecessary way to communicate, which is why people don't pick up and use voicemail.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 07:05
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Anonymous wrote:My adoptive parents were like this. My aunt too. I think it's generational. They NEVER call/ed me, but when I call them, all I hear about is how worried they were or they wanted to tell me something, etc., etc. I'm old enough that my parents died before texting became a thing and my Aunt is 90 and basically blind. So, I get the not texting. But it drove me nuts that these people never called me. They all give the "we don't want to bother you" excuse. Maybe it's because back when they were young and telephones had just been invented people were expected to take all calls the moment the phone rang? Dunno.
In any case, my first mother is about 15-20 years younger than my adoptive parents/aunt. She calls. Not a ton, but at least a couple times a month. I call her about the same amount. No guilt or lecturing. It's so much more pleasant.
Very insightful about the “phone rules”. Different generations experience life differently. Growing up, when the phone rang, you answered it. And it was always someone you knew calling to catch up or give you news. There was no letting it go to voicemail or calling them back at a more convenient time. So, yeah, I could see someone in their 70’s viewing the phone as something more intrusive than it actually is now - and therefore feeling like the other person might be too busy to deal with a ringing phone.
Anonymous
08/13/2024 20:03
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
I think sometimes it's just feeling like it's proper boundaries. I LIKE that usually I am the one calling once a week (we facebook message rest of the week). That way I can truly focus on my parents, we talk for 1 hour +. They are careful not to text the kids during school hours.
Anonymous
08/13/2024 12:34
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Anonymous wrote:My mom never calls me. She said I didn't act excited enough when she called (she's a huge narcissist) so she doesn't call me and I don't call her. I'll text if needed.
PP here. OMG do we have the same mom? That's one of the reasons I was given on why she doesn't call me. She doesn't like the way I answer the phone - I don't sound excited enough. It's not like I'm like "what?!" I just say "hey, how's it going?" apparently that's not enough.
Anonymous
08/13/2024 12:28
Subject: Re:Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Anonymous wrote:My parents are the same way, OP, and my MIL also. With my MIL it's absolutely a belief that it is on my DH and is brother 100% to maintain that relationship. She views herself as the recipient of their love, affection, and support. It does not flow the other way.
With my parents it's that my dad is just in his own world, he never thinks of others. Not only does he not call but he will complain if I don't call enough. I'll hear from my mom or siblings that he was hurt I hadn't called in a few weeks. Again, he's never called me. Like not even for my birthday or when my daughter was born. But he gets upset if I don't call him on the Fourth of July. He's just a narcissist.
My mom has anxiety and will not call but then the minute I call she'll tell me that she's been thinking about me and wanting to call but had xyz reasons not to. She's always afraid if she calls me she'll interrupt me. I've explained many times that if I'm busy I just won't answer and she can leave a message. She still doesn't call.
Yes, it is lonely and hurtful. I have vowed never to do this to my kid, and to always keep up my end of our relationship. I go to therapy and work on myself so I don't get to the point where I can't just maintain a healthy adult relationship with someone I love.
This is so similar to my situation. My mom is like your MIL. She makes no effort and thinks I should make all of the effort. I stopped calling her years ago because she never asked about me when we talked. I just listen to her drone on. I could set the phone down, walk away, come back many minutes later and she was still going on. This was before I was a mom, so I thought once I had a child, it would change. It did for a bit, but she's largely uninterested in my DD now that she not a baby, so we are back to where we were and I stopped calling. She's called me less than 10 times in about as many years and at least half of those times were to yell at me about how I don't call her.
My dad does not call me except to yell at me on behalf of my mom.
DH and his parents talk much more and they are almost always the ones calling. They also call my DD (not tons, but on her birthday, before the first day of school, before other big events - probably 6ish times a year) which my parents have NEVER done. Needless to say, my DD greatly prefers one set of grandparents.
Anonymous
08/11/2024 23:13
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
I'm worried of being overbearing or annoying. They've got their own busy lives.
Anonymous
08/11/2024 18:17
Subject: Parents of adult children-WHY don't you call your kids?
Parents who don't call think it's their child's job to call them. I called my parents for 13 years with weekly updates on kids etc. After 13 years I literally got over it and stopped calling. They tried to force it as if it's my job, but what is there to talk about all the time? It felt like some interrogation. They never once initiated a call with grandkids, grandkids got their own phones when teens, and have not received one phone call. Now I call on holidays or if there are some updates, they're not happy about it, but then again, it's seems it's more important to them to force me to do as they want instead of having an actual relationship with me and my family.