Anonymous wrote:Would be cheaper to just start trying for a kid much earlier in the (23-28 age range) before you’re infertile.

Some people are infertile at those ages, too! Lots, in fact!

You don't know how you will feel about these choices until you are standing in the same shoes and they are your choices to make.

Correct. It is incredibly frustrating--when experiencing infertility---to have well-meaning people comment that you should "just adopt" and make it sound like it's opting to shop at Safeway as opposed to Giant. Adoption carries with it a whole host of issues that some people--although desiring to parent---do not necessarily want to take on.

You don't know how you will feel about these choices until you are standing in the same shoes and they are your choices to make.

Anonymous wrote:My friend ended up using embryo adoption to have her child. Multiple rounds of IVF plus the eventual embryo adoption & implantation was definitely north of $100k but that little girl is pure sweetness and light and worth every penny and every tear it took to get her here. Biologically she isn't related to either parent and not everyone knows -- so comments like "she has your nose" or "she's going to be an athlete like you" can sting (good reminder to us all to watch our words -- we can no longer assume that having been pregnant with a child means he/she was biologically created by you).

She is not related genetically to the child but biologically she is related through gestation and pregnancy. So much fascinating work out there about the biological relationships between gestational mother and fetus including epigenetics, microchimerism, etc. Gestational environment does determine a lot of gene expression and also is important for future disease risk, etc. While you obviously need the genetic blueprint, the child is literally biologically created during pregnancy and the gestational mother is doing the creating!!

I have a friend who looked into adoption and surrogacy and is going with surrogacy because it is actually easier than adopting! She will be a great parent!

Anonymous wrote:Guys do it all the time.

Brilliant. I hope you're still on here so you can see that someone appreciates you.

Maybe, maybe not but either way it's none of your business

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

Of course you're buying a human being! Those "helping" you are parasites using poor women to feed the gargantuan appetite of women who want someone else to do the hard work of having babies. Every one in involved in this odious procedure, including those adopting should be in prison for human trafficking.

No one is entitled to a child. There are many children who need a home but very few have blond hair and blue eyes. If you really want a child then it's race should be of zero importance.

My friend ended up using embryo adoption to have her child. Multiple rounds of IVF plus the eventual embryo adoption & implantation was definitely north of $100k but that little girl is pure sweetness and light and worth every penny and every tear it took to get her here. Biologically she isn't related to either parent and not everyone knows -- so comments like "she has your nose" or "she's going to be an athlete like you" can sting (good reminder to us all to watch our words -- we can no longer assume that having been pregnant with a child means he/she was biologically created by you).

Anonymous wrote:You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

In some situations you are with adoption. It depends on the state and situation. We had a facilitator demand we pay for housing food, utilities, cell phone and an allowance for a family for six months prior to birth and three months after and the expenses were more than we spend on ourselves. We couldn’t afford to bankroll a family for 9 months.

You are not paying for human, so please don't phrase it that way.

You can pay for the SERVICES of professionals that help you on your path to becoming parents (i.e. social workers, physicians). But you are NOT buying a baby. OP's wording is extremely offensive. It would be regardless of how the couple is making parenthood possible.

Anonymous wrote:No, I believe human trafficking should be illegal. Including when gay men do it.

Agreed. No one is entitled to a child.

I mean it depends on the overall financial picture. Like $200k is nothing if that’s what you make a month etc. Adoption is not similar although I personally had hoped to adopt

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Are you saying she paid a surrogate $200,000? If this is correct then both your friend and the surrogate are guilty of baby selling and both should be in jail.

As for your question about a non-biological child says air about you and it is not good. Frequently, women who have infertility adopt and then, miraculously, find themselves pregnant. In your case, one cannot help but wonder how you would treat an adopted child once you have a biological child.

Just like in adoption, most of it goes to agency and attorney fees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Adoption isn’t the same at all. Potential for kid to have trauma from separation, drug/alcohol exposure during pregnancy, and issues with birth family.

Every newborn taken from her mother is traumatized, even if the separation results in a better situation. It’s baffling that this isn’t common sense.

No, it's not trauma for every newborn. Stop projecting your issues.

NP. Adoptees have high suicide rates. There’s a reason why so many fewer countries allow international adoption now versus 20 years ago.

No, that's not why. Why? There is now the Hague and other countries stopped adoption due to child fatality, unable to do ethical adoptions with birthparent consent, and other reasons. It was not suicide rates.

Anonymous wrote:Ignorant questions and many ignorant responses here.

…says PP, who apparently thinks of herself as the Grand Knower of All Things.