Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:48     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She needs more structure and support. Plan your morning to guide her at each step and help her. Do a morning routine chart. Most kids aren't independent at age 6, let alone one with ADHD.



We do this. One parent is always with her and she has a picture chart.


If one parent is always with her, why does she have time to drag or pick or play? Does the parent in charge of her of her hand and take her through each activity?
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:40     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family is in a similar situation with an almost 6 year old. Getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine has been extremely frustrating. What tips do you have for getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine? The wait to see the specialist is over a year and unless the child is extreme it seems the doctors want to go down the therapy route to address behavior rather than medicate. The mornings and nights and weekends are exhausting and taking its toll on our family.


OP here. Our pediatrician will prescribe it. Just schedule a visit. It’s been a persistent issue for us and since she could see it in her notes and we have a family history she was the one actually pushing us to Medicate.


Agree. Start with the pediatrician in the interim. They can prescribe meds for you until you can get a full evaluation. Only one of my kids had a full neuropsych eval and this was more for learning disabilities. We had no idea they had ADHD-it's mild. The other kid was diagnosed by a psychiatrist just going though a checklist since we were not at all concerned with learning issues.

I have 2 ADHD kids and an ADHD husband (diagnosed after we found out the kids have it).
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:35     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Remember, a child with ADHD is delayed about 3 years in maturity level. She will learn to do everything on her own - but it will be later.



100%. I "dressed" my ADHD daughter while we chatted and took her through the same routine every morning until 4th grade. She began to take over most of the steps and is now completely independent though still might need a gentle reminder to brush her teeth or remember her computer charger.

She is now, an 8th grader, a straight A student, super creative and an overall good kid with a healthy self esteem. And we have a close relationship.

Parents - your young ADHD kids are not trying to torture you or make you late on purpose. Have a little compassion and ignore the type A super moms who have it all wired. You have a different kid - be patient and loving and do what works until your kid is mature enough to take on these habits.

As a side note, my oldest son is also ADHD and we shamed him (unintentionally) and nagged him, and guess what - it didn't click for him until 8th grade either. And he still has self esteem issues around organization. (And was an angry teenager) I wish we had been more patient with him.


Thank you. My doctor said not to dress her and that we were enabling her. Honestly I just want to cry. My other kid is SN (entirely other issues) and I just am at the end of my rope with the two of them.


If you're at the end of your rope, forget that doctor. I'm the pp from the first page w/the 6yo boy. His ADHD is clinically severe. He sounds very similar to your daughter actually. We are in a tricky situation in that he will only take a liquid form of ADHD medication so it's not possible to give a "booster" at school so to speak. This means that during the school week we wait until the last possible minute to give him his ADHD medication so that he can get through a school day without issue. It also means that during the week his time with us in the morning and evening is unmedicated. It is HARD. Do what you have to for things to be easier on you during the week-even if that means dressing her.


This.

OP, you need to give yourself a gift. Save a bit of your sanity and dress her when you have to get out of the house at a certain time. She's six, not sixteen. This is the least of your worries.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:33     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hyper focused on the food and feeding thing? She's 6 and 45lbs. That's a perfectly average weight, not even close to underweight.


Agree. She'll eat eventually. OP said she finishes her lunch after school. That's fine.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:33     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of jerks posting here acting like: “Duh OP just do these 85 steps in the same exact order! Be a PARENT!”

You all suck.

OP, she sounds extremely hard. I would start by implementing the sleeping in next days clothes and short hair. Low hanging fruit to make this easier. Prioritize the food and bathroom issues.

They don’t write parenting advice for kids like this. In previous generations, kids like this were beaten into compliance. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but let’s not pretend that standard parenting advice works for kids like this.



Hello, many/most of us also have very difficult kids. OP asked for advice, we're giving it. She can choose what she thinks will help.

Some kids were beaten into compliance but I think other kids were just ignored, let alone to find their way on their own.

OP is working very hard on parenting. Maybe she can make some changes and work smarter, not harder. But she needs to figure out what sort of plan she's going to make, what issue she's going to address, and how.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:32     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Why are you so hyper focused on the food and feeding thing? She's 6 and 45lbs. That's a perfectly average weight, not even close to underweight.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:21     Subject: Re:ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Medication! And in particular, a non-stimulant! It will last 24 hours a day, meaning it will help in the am and pm too - not just during school hours.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:21     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of jerks posting here acting like: “Duh OP just do these 85 steps in the same exact order! Be a PARENT!”

You all suck.

OP, she sounds extremely hard. I would start by implementing the sleeping in next days clothes and short hair. Low hanging fruit to make this easier. Prioritize the food and bathroom issues.

They don’t write parenting advice for kids like this. In previous generations, kids like this were beaten into compliance. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but let’s not pretend that standard parenting advice works for kids like this.



Thank you, OP here. I am just at my wits end. I have already cried about this today. I have ADHD. I grew up an absolute disaster. Constantly being screamed at, always misplacing assignments and never able to find anything, late for everything, anxiety, staying up late and never getting enough rest and overworking to compensate for my inability to learn concepts when they were taught in class because I could t process information that quickly. I always ran out of time on tests. Procrastinated on big assignments. Took 3x as long to finish work. I basically turned into a teenage workaholic to overcome myself and stopped getting enough sleep around age 10. My parents never got me a specialist, never talked to my doctor, never got me diagnosed or medication, and never prioritized my health sleep enough to tell my teachers I was doing hours of homework every night and crying each night over it because it was so hard for me. Somehow I still became an honors student but it was at a great cost. I am doing so much more for my DD than was ever done for me and I did not have nearly the same amount of tantrums, I didn’t attack my parents, they didn’t help me break down big tasks or talk to my teachers or make me special meals because I was picky or walk me through every step of the morning. My mom took a tough love parenting class on natural consequences and regularly let me miss the bus when I was running late. I had a panic attack once that school called an ambulance for thinking it was asthma and my mom was angry at me for it. I am trying to hard to be better for my DD and I just feel like nothing works and I have nothing left to give and no life of my own.


And that’s the Catch22 isn’t it? Finding the line between supporting vs enabling. We’re told to help our kids. But then we’re blamed when they are entitled. I didn’t have a great example growing up either. My parents were usually indulgent but screamed at me if I was rude. So I kept the indulge part as that’s what I experienced as positive and avoided yelling.

My oldest is almost a teen and I’m now figuring this out.

We’re mostly all doing the best we can, outliers excepted.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:08     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of jerks posting here acting like: “Duh OP just do these 85 steps in the same exact order! Be a PARENT!”

You all suck.

OP, she sounds extremely hard. I would start by implementing the sleeping in next days clothes and short hair. Low hanging fruit to make this easier. Prioritize the food and bathroom issues.

They don’t write parenting advice for kids like this. In previous generations, kids like this were beaten into compliance. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but let’s not pretend that standard parenting advice works for kids like this.



Thank you, OP here. I am just at my wits end. I have already cried about this today. I have ADHD. I grew up an absolute disaster. Constantly being screamed at, always misplacing assignments and never able to find anything, late for everything, anxiety, staying up late and never getting enough rest and overworking to compensate for my inability to learn concepts when they were taught in class because I could t process information that quickly. I always ran out of time on tests. Procrastinated on big assignments. Took 3x as long to finish work. I basically turned into a teenage workaholic to overcome myself and stopped getting enough sleep around age 10. My parents never got me a specialist, never talked to my doctor, never got me diagnosed or medication, and never prioritized my health sleep enough to tell my teachers I was doing hours of homework every night and crying each night over it because it was so hard for me. Somehow I still became an honors student but it was at a great cost. I am doing so much more for my DD than was ever done for me and I did not have nearly the same amount of tantrums, I didn’t attack my parents, they didn’t help me break down big tasks or talk to my teachers or make me special meals because I was picky or walk me through every step of the morning. My mom took a tough love parenting class on natural consequences and regularly let me miss the bus when I was running late. I had a panic attack once that school called an ambulance for thinking it was asthma and my mom was angry at me for it. I am trying to hard to be better for my DD and I just feel like nothing works and I have nothing left to give and no life of my own.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 16:06     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:My family is in a similar situation with an almost 6 year old. Getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine has been extremely frustrating. What tips do you have for getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine? The wait to see the specialist is over a year and unless the child is extreme it seems the doctors want to go down the therapy route to address behavior rather than medicate. The mornings and nights and weekends are exhausting and taking its toll on our family.


Get to the pediatrician as an interim solution. Mine used the Vanderbilt and wrote a prescription while we waited for the specialist.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 15:57     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
There are a lot of jerks posting here acting like: “Duh OP just do these 85 steps in the same exact order! Be a PARENT!”

You all suck.

OP, she sounds extremely hard. I would start by implementing the sleeping in next days clothes and short hair. Low hanging fruit to make this easier. Prioritize the food and bathroom issues.

They don’t write parenting advice for kids like this. In previous generations, kids like this were beaten into compliance. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but let’s not pretend that standard parenting advice works for kids like this.

Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 15:52     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:My family is in a similar situation with an almost 6 year old. Getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine has been extremely frustrating. What tips do you have for getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine? The wait to see the specialist is over a year and unless the child is extreme it seems the doctors want to go down the therapy route to address behavior rather than medicate. The mornings and nights and weekends are exhausting and taking its toll on our family.


OP here. Our pediatrician will prescribe it. Just schedule a visit. It’s been a persistent issue for us and since she could see it in her notes and we have a family history she was the one actually pushing us to Medicate.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 15:19     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
My family is in a similar situation with an almost 6 year old. Getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine has been extremely frustrating. What tips do you have for getting a diagnosis in order to get medicine? The wait to see the specialist is over a year and unless the child is extreme it seems the doctors want to go down the therapy route to address behavior rather than medicate. The mornings and nights and weekends are exhausting and taking its toll on our family.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 15:12     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:She needs more structure and support. Plan your morning to guide her at each step and help her. Do a morning routine chart. Most kids aren't independent at age 6, let alone one with ADHD.



We do this. One parent is always with her and she has a picture chart.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2023 15:11     Subject: ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP.

I don't like the schedule you laid out. Fifty minutes for a breakfast she doesn't even want is absurd.

More importantly, WHY is breakfast BEFORE getting dressed? Get her up (later, because breakfast does not need to be that long), do bathroom time, then dress her, THEN she gets to go to breakfast ONLY once she is ready. If she gets dressed on time and eats breakfast.

WHy doesn't she want to eat? That's weird. Is your food gross?


She has food issues and allergies. She’s not underweight but isn’t gaining as well as the doctor wants. We cook foods she eats - pancakes, eggs, sausage, fresh fruit. Her diet is really limited. We can’t go out to eat and at friends houses she often won’t eat anything that is served unless it’s the right brand of pizza, chicken nuggets, Mac and cheese. She probably needs feeding therapy but I don’t have time for that on top of managing her brothers special needs, her activities, trying to get her active and burning energy after school daily which means me forcing bike rides, tag, etc. her therapist, helping her with homework, and managing her asthma and her brothers specialists and trying to work.