Anonymous
Post 02/13/2023 11:45     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

I have plenty of relatives who lived or have lived in multiple story houses until they died in their 80s or 90s. If the stairs become an issue I’ll move. If they don’t then I won’t.


I also find it unusual that so many people can’t even climb stairs in their 80’s. This was not the case for most of my relatives.


Both my grandparents lived in a house with stairs until they were 85 and 91. Neither had any problems with the stairs.


Its one of those things that is completely fine until the one day it is not, and you break a hip and do not walk again.


Wow. I can't believe I stumbled on this post today.

My parents had this attitude. My mother died. Then my father got cancer and declined so rapidly it was unbelievable. Dealing with the fall out right now including moving his bedroom down to a first floor room (not meant to be a bedroom) in his house, which he is resisting. And that doesn't even cover all the other things about his house that he is unable to maintain and don't work for him anymore. Plus, he's incredibly isolated. It's depressing.

The reason to do it is because the end of your life could get very tricky. It could not. But there is a very good chance it will. Not many people die in bed quietly healthy and completely mobile. Once thing get to this point, it's too late to move (you don't feel well...you're not mobile anymore...and you're too far past any assisted living place taking you) and then it's someone else's problem to deal with what you wouldn't deal with.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2023 11:38     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:The WaPo had an article recently about a company that helps people age in place. I love that idea for my future self. (I’m on my 50s). My ILs s are trying to stay in their house without making any changes. I saw my parents move and how hard that was on them. I like the idea of aging in place, if you can afford to set up your home to make it happen safely, so your kids don’t worry excessively.


What company? My parent is trying to do this and it is a nightmare. They promise you the moon, tell you horror stories about ALs and people no-show, quit. They contract with a bunch of places, claim they are all well-vetted, but most places are a revolving door of workers. Basically, it's great for the company of a family member lives closeby and can take on issues when it falls apart. I don't recommend it and it wouldn't be surprised if in the next decade or so we see less of this as families sue for negligence.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2023 09:25     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
The WaPo had an article recently about a company that helps people age in place. I love that idea for my future self. (I’m on my 50s). My ILs s are trying to stay in their house without making any changes. I saw my parents move and how hard that was on them. I like the idea of aging in place, if you can afford to set up your home to make it happen safely, so your kids don’t worry excessively.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2023 09:03     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think we ever feel our age. I don’t like to be around too many elderly either—having a mix imo is more normal, and youth energy is good, provided they are well behaved.

One shouldn’t feel they have to move a place they love just because they’re getting older. But it’s good to plan for the future and have plans in place for a quick exit. I had tried to get my parents to do this — to add elderly people features —but they were stubborn. Now one has to block the stairs to prevent the other with dementia from climbing it. She had fallen down them. Just one example of some of the disasters. I am sure now they wish they had listened to me.


Look I get it. My mother feels the same way as a mix and she prefers young people and not old. She thought everyone in her neighborhood just adored her. They can no longer stand her. She took advantage of their offers to help if she needed it. They are busy raising kids and don't have time to indulge her in her endless chit chats which are hard to leave. Her mood swings and refusal to consistently stay medicated have made it so that she has alienated some to the point they avoid her and will quickly go back into their homes when they see her. I don't blame them. Her mood swings are frightening and you have to protect children from seeing that. Nothing her doctors can do to force her to take anxiety meds because she is still considered capable of making her own decisions.

After many years of being there for her with dad's emergencies (he has passed) and hers and her increase in rage toward me and mood swings I set boundaries. She is absolutely livid and will never forgive me and makes it known. So now she stews in her hatred of me as many of her neighbors hide from her. Yep, aging in place sounds like a dream! She is a social woman who lights up when she connects and while a snob as well, I am told there are plenty like her at the ritzy ILs and ALs, She loves cultural events and could be taking a van with girlfriends to these things while coming home to a gourmet meal at the cafeteria. Instead she lives in a home that is walking distance to nothing and she has no real friends around. This is someone who was the bell of the ball in her younger years at the same neighborhood.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2023 08:53     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Re: CCR communities, it's not about needing the motivation, it's the money those places cost. Those places are expensive and extremely expensive in the DMV. Fine it you have so much money that you don't need to care if you're there 10 years vs 20 years, vs 25 years. It's a lot of money. Again, fine if the extra money, of 10-15 more years of living there, isn't going to worry you. That's not a worry I want at 65 or 70.


I guess I'll address this on 2 levels.
First of all, CCRC communities, or independent livings, are 100% absolutely not appropriate for anyone in their 60s, and still probably not in their 70s. I am sure there are exceptions, for various esoteric reasons, but let's not pool everyone who has retired in one age group. Very different lifestyles, interests, motivations between 60s and 70s and 80s. It's generational.

Cost- sure, there is a large " buy in" and high monthly rental costs. But, if you've been through, with an elderly relative, what that cost looks like without a CCRC situation, it's so mych mire affordable. Needing 24 hour care, assisted living, or anything close to it will wipe our everything and a Medicaid facility is basically no care. We are in our 60s, and of course we aren't looking into a CCRC now at all, in fact, we are not looking at anything to do differently than what we are doing now, but in our 80, yep! CCRC is the plan. Here's the catch..we both have to be healthy to go. So, it's a bit of a crap shoot as to when to go.


It really depends on location. There absolutely are people in their 70s at CCRCs-most of the ones we saw and yes it varied with 60s, but there were people in their 60s as well. CCRCs absolutely are appropriate, but yes they can be cost prohibitive in this area, but perhaps not in other areas.

In my own family the people who truly were involved enough to see reality didn't want to make their kids' lives a living hell with emergencies and worry so they moved to appropriate settings. I find the ones like my parents deluded themselves. I always raise an eyebrow when someone brags about relatives being spry and in tip top condition through 80s and 90s or even frankly late 70s. I believe it happens, but I also think a lot of people allow their brains to play tricks on them. My own sibling went into denial despite visiting often. I was there much more often living closer and saw the REAL reality he refused to see. It boggles the mind how a physician could see someone clearly in the throws of Alzheimers and say he was totally fine. Keep in mind I was enduring rage fits from other parent in denial to get him evaluated and a brain scan basically showed quite a bit of erosion of the hippocampus of this parent who was as they claimed "sharp as a tack." Then, they all changed their story to him having rapid onset decline when it was so clear this had been going on for a decade! I could go on and on with the denial.

It's not just even that they don't see the person enough. In college over a break I decided to venture out to visit a grandparent in AL nobody visited because she had become so abusive. (I suspect it was frontal temporal lobe dementia, but nobody in the family admits she ever had cognitive impairment of any kind. I was assured she did not have dementia, etc but due to physical needs and more emotional outbursts she needed AL. So I visited. She was not oriented to person, place or time. She thought i was her sister. She talked about her grandkids (like me) as though we were babies teething. Yep, sure, no dementia on that side of the family...whatever you say mom!

There are so many family myths about how people aged and I do think part of the denial is because it causes people too much anxiety to face reality. It's fine if you want to bury your head in the sand and do as you please and assume it all falls apart at 90. If you don't expect your kids to hop to for every emergency and you don't expect them to do anything than there is nothing wrong with doing as you please. If you expect help, then you need to be a decent person and think about their needs too. They didn't chose to be born. You don't parent in the hopes they will be your free case manager, emergency caregiver, etc. If you want help you need to be kind, gracious and accommodating so people are willing to give up their vacation days from work and take time away from their own children to find you the best care when needed. You need to have something in place so they don't lose their jobs coming to you for every emergency.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 19:44     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:Because we are healthy and fit, and going up and down stairs is good for you. Our house is really old, and the previous owners all lived here until they were very old, too.

It isn't healthy to live your life fearing movement. I'd rather die at 91 because I fell down the stairs in my own home rather than living out my days in a nursing home. My grandmother lived alone until she was 97. She did fall, and now she's in a home and is miserable.


This is a good point. Sorry about your grandmother.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 19:43     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

I have plenty of relatives who lived or have lived in multiple story houses until they died in their 80s or 90s. If the stairs become an issue I’ll move. If they don’t then I won’t.


I also find it unusual that so many people can’t even climb stairs in their 80’s. This was not the case for most of my relatives.


Both my grandparents lived in a house with stairs until they were 85 and 91. Neither had any problems with the stairs.


Exactly right.
Its one of those things that is completely fine until the one day it is not, and you break a hip and do not walk again.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 19:32     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Because we are healthy and fit, and going up and down stairs is good for you. Our house is really old, and the previous owners all lived here until they were very old, too.

It isn't healthy to live your life fearing movement. I'd rather die at 91 because I fell down the stairs in my own home rather than living out my days in a nursing home. My grandmother lived alone until she was 97. She did fall, and now she's in a home and is miserable.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 15:19     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

I have plenty of relatives who lived or have lived in multiple story houses until they died in their 80s or 90s. If the stairs become an issue I’ll move. If they don’t then I won’t.


I also find it unusual that so many people can’t even climb stairs in their 80’s. This was not the case for most of my relatives.


Both my grandparents lived in a house with stairs until they were 85 and 91. Neither had any problems with the stairs.


Its one of those things that is completely fine until the one day it is not, and you break a hip and do not walk again.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 15:08     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:I don't even like our house in the DC area, but we are working til we are 70 (50s and 60s now) so we will be in this house with the low interest rate until then.

Once we retire, we will leave the DC area and find a one level house.


Where do you plan to relocate after retirement? I consider doing so but am stumped. Neither DH nor I have close ties to our hometown - I probably do more than he does, but not really enough to return. Our kids are in their early years of college so DK where they will be landing and if we would want to be nearby.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 13:35     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
I don't even like our house in the DC area, but we are working til we are 70 (50s and 60s now) so we will be in this house with the low interest rate until then.

Once we retire, we will leave the DC area and find a one level house.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2023 12:52     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Any surgery can mean no stairs, for awhile. Older folks have longer to heal/recover fully isn't as likely. At any age, after certain health events, those not having stairs are very relieved to not have stairs.

Then w/elders there's the tendency to experience some short episodes of dizziness. It might be they aren't discussing.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2023 23:30     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

I have plenty of relatives who lived or have lived in multiple story houses until they died in their 80s or 90s. If the stairs become an issue I’ll move. If they don’t then I won’t.


I also find it unusual that so many people can’t even climb stairs in their 80’s. This was not the case for most of my relatives.


Both my grandparents lived in a house with stairs until they were 85 and 91. Neither had any problems with the stairs.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2023 21:34     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The stairs keep me healthy/strong. And we’ve lived here 25 years, love our neighborhood and neighbors. Why move unless we have to? Plus, for the amount of our mortgage payment, we’d get half the space in today’s market, whether a rental or new purchase.

That's exactly what my ILs said until they couldn't handle it. Then they were forced to move. At some point, you won't be able to handle it. I think the consensus is to move before you hit that stage when it's harder to move.

I'm not saying you should move when you are 60. But, I think before 72 is a good time.

I have plenty of relatives who lived or have lived in multiple story houses until they died in their 80s or 90s. If the stairs become an issue I’ll move. If they don’t then I won’t.


I also find it unusual that so many people can’t even climb stairs in their 80’s. This was not the case for most of my relatives.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2023 21:28     Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
62 and 65 year old, still working and live in the one story 1800 square foot house bought at age 30.