Anonymous
12/26/2022 15:32
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
As long as they don't have kids for awhile, who cares? I knew tons of people who got married right put of college and were divorced by 26 to 28. Mulligan Marriage. Without kids, no harm no foul. Easy divorces and they all remarried more suitable partners.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 14:34
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
My brother married at 19. Not ideal but who knows? They are still happily married decades later. Their plan was to wait 10 years to have children. They did that. Both finished college. He graduated from law school.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 13:14
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
If both are friends who are studying or working and have birth control plan to tome kids around 30, there is no harm in getting engaged or married.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 12:54
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
I was 22 when we got married. 33 years ago.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 12:51
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
I was getting a professional degree and could've been more relaxed and focused if i had a supportive and committed partner.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 12:49
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At 23 I was a college grad, married, mother of one, and pregnant with #2.
Some people are weird.
Because they don’t use your life as a model?
Silly me was being getting a PhD and traveling the world. Guess I am “weird.”
Neither one is a superior choice to use as a model for all, to each its own. One size doesn't fit all, just looks ill fitted on most.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 11:52
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At 23 I was a college grad, married, mother of one, and pregnant with #2.
Some people are weird.
Because they don’t use your life as a model?
Silly me was being getting a PhD and traveling the world. Guess I am “weird.”
Not PP, but I think the point was not that people who get married later in life are weird, but that people who make judgments about the "acceptable" age to marry are weird.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 10:56
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:At 23 I was a college grad, married, mother of one, and pregnant with #2.
Some people are weird.
Because they don’t use your life as a model?
Silly me was being getting a PhD and traveling the world. Guess I am “weird.”
Anonymous
12/26/2022 06:35
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I met my wife in college when I was 21 years old and she was 24 years old. I was playing D1 golf at the time for the university and she was pursuing her Ph.D in special education. Her family is very wealthy and she had a trust fund. We got married after five months and she supported my dream of pursuing a professional career until I was 26 years old with her own money. It cost about 60K/year to travel around the world to play in small tournaments so that I could get enough points to play in bigger tournaments. It didn't work out for me after four years so I gave up that dream. I am now working for her father and very successful.
I am sure she sees "potential" in the grad student, just like my wife did with me. Go for it.
You are working for her father. I would disagree about concluding that this is a successful outcome.
Why is it not a successful outcome?
Anonymous
12/26/2022 03:40
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Idk if infantilizing of young men is limited to helicopter parents or its becoming a common trait.
Anonymous
12/26/2022 03:37
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Yup. By 23, most people are who they'll be in terms of nature and character.
Anonymous
12/25/2022 23:27
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I got married after 6 months of dating at 23. My husband was a 29 year old attorney with a lot of law school loans. 23 years we are still married with five kids.
you are a different generation.
It's unclear why today this is unacceptable.
Are all 23 year olds today too immature compared to 23 year olds 15 years ago?
What is with the prolonged adolescence?
I am in my 50s and everybody I know who was immature in their 20s are still making immature decisions today. They may not be sleeping around or doing drugs anymore, but they are still making plenty of self-centered decisions. Actually, I think some of them might still be sleeping around on the sly.
Anonymous
12/25/2022 23:19
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:I met my wife in college when I was 21 years old and she was 24 years old. I was playing D1 golf at the time for the university and she was pursuing her Ph.D in special education. Her family is very wealthy and she had a trust fund. We got married after five months and she supported my dream of pursuing a professional career until I was 26 years old with her own money. It cost about 60K/year to travel around the world to play in small tournaments so that I could get enough points to play in bigger tournaments. It didn't work out for me after four years so I gave up that dream. I am now working for her father and very successful.
I am sure she sees "potential" in the grad student, just like my wife did with me. Go for it.
You are working for her father. I would disagree about concluding that this is a successful outcome.
Anonymous
12/25/2022 23:15
Subject: Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:If she has a six figure job, no student loans and a small trust fund while he is applying to unpaid PhD programs and has large student loans.
It kind of depends. Is his PhD in Art History or something largely unmarketable like that? Or a PhD in Computational Math or Economics?
If he has large student loans, I would think he is either on a surefire trajectory to a solid career or he's just very foolish with finances.
Totally depends on his chosen path.
Anonymous
12/25/2022 23:10
Subject: Re:Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your DD can get engaged. She can get married even. Ask them to sign a pre-nup valid till they are childless, which allows them to have an easy divorce and no spousal support incase the marriage does not work out. They each walk away with their own money.
Tell your kid to not have a kid till she is 32. By that time, both the parties will have a firm idea how well suited they are and whether they should have kids together. It is really as simple as that. 23 is a great age. Get engaged. Get married. Have prenup for childless years. Don't have kids for the next 9-10 years.
Once they have kids - there should be no prenup. Money is joint. Marriage is forever. They should have enough financial cushion for SAH parent, job loss, underemployment etc.
Congratulations. This is not a bad thing.
Bad advice…have kids sooner! Late 20s is perfect.
Absolutely not. Bad advice for all women, unless it is the religious nutjob submissive women.. Women get stuck in bad marriages because they have kids with terrible men. The reproductive cost is very high for women. Have children with a man who deserves to be the father of your children. Marry early, spend time with the man for a few years to have a good read on him. Women should own their reproductive decisions. Get pregnant and have kids after you have saved money, understood what the man stands for, and understand that you have a real life partner in your husband. Women owe their children to give them a good father and family life. Mid-30s is perfect time to have the first kid, and then the 2nd kid in a couple years. Stop after two kids, FFS!!
Don't marry a dud husband because you want a kid. If need be, freeze your eggs and go the surrogate route.
Why propagating mankind and parenting is only woman's responsibility?
It is not. But women have a higher reproductive cost then men. You need to find the right person and get into parenthood (only if you want) after vetting the husband thoroughly and having contingencies in place. Make stupid choices, get stupid results.