Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

Yep, this is what I’ve seen too. Two flexible well paying jobs, both parents prioritize family, etc. Partners that share everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed with group of friends that men now are interested in high income women w/ high earning potential vs being with a traditional idea of a woman who wants to stay home while they earn the money. Many of my physician female friends are in high demand and all engaged or married to other physicians, engineers, lawyers, etc, despite working tons of hours and not being "available". If you think about it, this allows for more resources and a better lifestyle than a single income household. One can easily afford a nanny and housekeeper with these dual income professional salaries while still saving for retirement, college, traveling, paying private school, etc so this trumps the SAHM/breadwinner paradigm financially. It also protects against the potential swings of the economy. I grew up hearing that men wanted a "hot" wife that was attractive and available with no though to their earning potential. I think this has changed...

Lol, I love the rationalizing: "Men don't really want hot women anymore! Now what they really value are degrees and my income. Who needs hot sex when you can say your wife went to Johns Hopkins?!"

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed with group of friends that men now are interested in high income women w/ high earning potential vs being with a traditional idea of a woman who wants to stay home while they earn the money. Many of my physician female friends are in high demand and all engaged or married to other physicians, engineers, lawyers, etc, despite working tons of hours and not being "available". If you think about it, this allows for more resources and a better lifestyle than a single income household. One can easily afford a nanny and housekeeper with these dual income professional salaries while still saving for retirement, college, traveling, paying private school, etc so this trumps the SAHM/breadwinner paradigm financially. It also protects against the potential swings of the economy. I grew up hearing that men wanted a "hot" wife that was attractive and available with no though to their earning potential. I think this has changed...

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all of the replies but the DMV attracts and is over-represented with striver, type-A women. So your observation is likely true for the area in general and this board in particular, but not to the country as a whole.

Worth considering the ramifications of this at the policy level.

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.