Anonymous
Post 06/05/2010 09:48     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
According to the rules of some working moms on DCUM you must ALWAYS live your life as if you will be dumped by your spouse/partner at a moment's notice. I can't figure out why anyone would even choose to marry or have kids if that's how you felt about your spouse, though.


I don't think it is hard to understand. Why? Because this is what happened to my mother. And we struggled a lot growing up, even with her MBA. But in the 80s, a single mom who had been out of the workplace from age 20 to 30 was not exactly a hot-commodity. Yes, she had me at age 20, while in college, and still managed to get an MBA part-time. But had zero work experience. That's why I have the level of education I do, and why I work, along with my income supporting my family in a lifestyle that makes us comfortable.

I have a great marriage, and my husband also comes from a family where his father left his mom high and dry with 3 kids. Downside for them was she had no education and no experience and had been a SAHM for 15+ years. He had it much worse. His dad pretty much split, at least mine provided support and helped my mom break into his field through his network of contacts where she managed to do fairly well over time.

But this is how I live my life. I don't care how you live yours and make no judgments about it. Different strokes...

Anonymous
Post 06/05/2010 09:01     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, and when you and your partner split up you'll be screwed b/c you can't find a job due to the hodgepodge mess on your resume. Happened to my cousin after 15 years of marriage and now she is waitressing.


I'm sorry that happened to your cousin, of course that's a terrible situation.

Since I have both a graduate degree and a professional degree and nearly a decade of work in my field before I left, I think I would manage to scrape something together. Maybe I'm wrong, but given that I've been with my partner 16 years, owned a house together for four, and only been married two, I'm not living in fear of my marriage failing
.


According to the rules of some working moms on DCUM you must ALWAYS live your life as if you will be dumped by your spouse/partner at a moment's notice. I can't figure out why anyone would even choose to marry or have kids if that's how you felt about your spouse, though.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2010 08:53     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, and when you and your partner split up you'll be screwed b/c you can't find a job due to the hodgepodge mess on your resume. Happened to my cousin after 15 years of marriage and now she is waitressing.


I'm sorry that happened to your cousin, of course that's a terrible situation.

Since I have both a graduate degree and a professional degree and nearly a decade of work in my field before I left, I think I would manage to scrape something together. Maybe I'm wrong, but given that I've been with my partner 16 years, owned a house together for four, and only been married two, I'm not living in fear of my marriage failing.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2010 08:32     Subject: SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:There are many good reasons to choose to be a SAHM, and good reasons to continue to work. I currently work full-time, but would consider staying at home when I have multiple children not yet old enough for school.

What I can't stand, however, are all the people who say that they're "blessed" or "lucky" to be able to stay at home. Really, if I continue to work, I'm not blessed? I really, really like the fact that, due to my hard work, I have relatively low-stress six-figure job with a flexible schedule and can work from home at least some of the time.

And I'm "blessed" that because of my financial contribution to the household, we can live a comfortable lifestyle (live in a good neighborhood and enjoy short commutes, for example) and my husband doesn't have to work crazy hours to support the whole family. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is around so much for the family - oh, wait, that's because I pitch in financially to maintain a family-work balance we both enjoy.

Not a matter of being "blessed" - we just make different choices.


I totally agree with you - but when someone says they are lucky to be able to stay home, I just take it as their circumstances make them lucky. As in, maybe they left an intense career with little flexibility, or maybe their husband works long hours and they would have to do more at home in addition to working. Or maybe they just really, really want to stay home for whatever reason.

I feel the same way though - very, very lucky to have a career doing something I really enjoy, that gives me flexibility, and a husband with the same situation who doesn't work long hours. I personally wouldn't want it any other way, but that doesn't mean I can't imagine someone having different circumstances feeling differently.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 23:38     Subject: SAHM's, What do you do all day?
There are many good reasons to choose to be a SAHM, and good reasons to continue to work. I currently work full-time, but would consider staying at home when I have multiple children not yet old enough for school.

What I can't stand, however, are all the people who say that they're "blessed" or "lucky" to be able to stay at home. Really, if I continue to work, I'm not blessed? I really, really like the fact that, due to my hard work, I have relatively low-stress six-figure job with a flexible schedule and can work from home at least some of the time.

And I'm "blessed" that because of my financial contribution to the household, we can live a comfortable lifestyle (live in a good neighborhood and enjoy short commutes, for example) and my husband doesn't have to work crazy hours to support the whole family. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is around so much for the family - oh, wait, that's because I pitch in financially to maintain a family-work balance we both enjoy.

Not a matter of being "blessed" - we just make different choices.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 23:36     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any person with good sense can come up with a long list of possible ways that a person could spend their day outside of an office. As my grandmother would say, only boring people get bored.


This is my attitude! I don't work outside the house and I don't even have kids yet (and wasn't planning to four years ago when I quit my job, although I will have one next year). I set up a home studio where I work on art projects, I'm the treasurer of a local charity organization, I am the chair of a town committee, I volunteer for local organizing projects, I garden, I do (almost) all the cooking because I like to, I plan and manage all the (contracted out and self-completed) home repair projects on our old house, and I spend my days the way I want to. My partner supports all this because I'm happier, healthier, and our home is a more pleasant place to be because of all my hard work.



Yes, and when you and your partner split up you'll be screwed b/c you can't find a job due to the hodgepodge mess on your resume. Happened to my cousin after 15 years of marriage and now she is waitressing.


Yes. No marriage is ironclad. People are blindsided everyday. I've seen many women in a horrible bind because they built their life dependent on man that later left them.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 22:52     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any person with good sense can come up with a long list of possible ways that a person could spend their day outside of an office. As my grandmother would say, only boring people get bored.


This is my attitude! I don't work outside the house and I don't even have kids yet (and wasn't planning to four years ago when I quit my job, although I will have one next year). I set up a home studio where I work on art projects, I'm the treasurer of a local charity organization, I am the chair of a town committee, I volunteer for local organizing projects, I garden, I do (almost) all the cooking because I like to, I plan and manage all the (contracted out and self-completed) home repair projects on our old house, and I spend my days the way I want to. My partner supports all this because I'm happier, healthier, and our home is a more pleasant place to be because of all my hard work.



Yes, and when you and your partner split up you'll be screwed b/c you can't find a job due to the hodgepodge mess on your resume. Happened to my cousin after 15 years of marriage and now she is waitressing.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 22:45     Subject: SAHM's, What do you do all day?
PP again: I like to describe myself as retired, personally.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 22:45     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:Any person with good sense can come up with a long list of possible ways that a person could spend their day outside of an office. As my grandmother would say, only boring people get bored.


This is my attitude! I don't work outside the house and I don't even have kids yet (and wasn't planning to four years ago when I quit my job, although I will have one next year). I set up a home studio where I work on art projects, I'm the treasurer of a local charity organization, I am the chair of a town committee, I volunteer for local organizing projects, I garden, I do (almost) all the cooking because I like to, I plan and manage all the (contracted out and self-completed) home repair projects on our old house, and I spend my days the way I want to. My partner supports all this because I'm happier, healthier, and our home is a more pleasant place to be because of all my hard work.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 22:14     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Just bumping up the thread.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 12:30     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


I WOHM and my DH and I do almost all the things that you list. Not sure who else besides parents would do all those things. Been a scout leader, on the Board of Trustees of one kids school, room parent, transport to soccer practices, attend sports games for both kids (including during the week) in all seasons, obviously all the home and kid and pet management tasks. We do have a weekly housecleaner. Probably get less sleep and less excercise than SAHMs (sure dont have time for the 4x/week spin classes another poster just asked about!).

Oddly enough my kids are teens and seem to be great kids with no issues so something has worked right.


Well, no, you do not do it "all" and work. You do not clean your house, a house keeper does and you do not take care of your children while you are at work, a daycare does, so, no, not the same at all. Sorry.


Actually they are in school, which is what the OP was asking about. You are right that I don't homeschool them. I would be terrible at homeschooling, especially because one is in high school and I really am not capable of teaching AP physics, AP Calculus, etc. So yes, you are superior to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 12:25     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Does it really matter what people do all day? If you looked at my street you would find every house (with children) has a parent home during the day while the kids are at school. One parent volunteers at one of the poorest schools in our county, another works full time from home, another is mentally ill and unable to work and spends lots of time with doctors and therapists. Another parent has a disabled child and found it best to be home and on call while the child is in school. That neighbor spends all of her time working in her house and garden.

None of the parents I know, who are home, do nothing all day. You can make all the assumption's you want, but unless you know what's going on in the lives of others, I think you should just STFU. That's right OP, I said it. STFU.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 12:17     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Work-from-home part-time, project plan, conference calls (again part-time), hit the gym, clean my house, do laundry, call my mother, schedule play dates, wrap birthday presents, garden, paint my nails, take a shower, write emails, prep for house guests, make dinner, make lunches for next day, interview sitters, get car serviced, draw plans for house renovation, read a book, various errands, oh yeah, and masturbate in the bathroom.

Does that help?


Hmmm...I do all this AND work full-time.


Not possible. You are working. You're not taking care of your children. So not possible to "do all this" as you say. I am doing "all this" AND taking care of my children full time.


It is possible. You're not taking care of your kids either, if they are in school all day. And, other than 2 or 3 things on your list, nothing involves "taking care of your kids".


You misread. My kids are in school a few mornings a week. I am taking care of them the other times IN ADDITION to everything else on the list. I find it interesting you don't even account for that -- are you so disconnected from your home life that you forget what it's like to be with kids all day?? You have to take care of them. They don't do it themselves.


11:41 again -- listen, let's drop it. I'm sorry. Did not mean to be mean you just touched a nerve. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 11:47     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
I work full time, but imagine that in addition to household chores, most stay at home moms are busy doing what I do on the weekends - playing with their kids, taking them to the park, gymboree, etc. Given how active my little guy is, it is hard for me to imagine that SAHMs have hours and hours of downtime to fill. I'm going to be 100% honest here, I love my son, and I love being with him, but it is truly exhausting, physical work at this stage of his life, so hats off to SAHMs from my perspective.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2010 11:41     Subject: Re:SAHM's, What do you do all day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Work-from-home part-time, project plan, conference calls (again part-time), hit the gym, clean my house, do laundry, call my mother, schedule play dates, wrap birthday presents, garden, paint my nails, take a shower, write emails, prep for house guests, make dinner, make lunches for next day, interview sitters, get car serviced, draw plans for house renovation, read a book, various errands, oh yeah, and masturbate in the bathroom.

Does that help?


Hmmm...I do all this AND work full-time.


Not possible. You are working. You're not taking care of your children. So not possible to "do all this" as you say. I am doing "all this" AND taking care of my children full time.


It is possible. You're not taking care of your kids either, if they are in school all day. And, other than 2 or 3 things on your list, nothing involves "taking care of your kids".


You misread. My kids are in school a few mornings a week. I am taking care of them the other times IN ADDITION to everything else on the list. I find it interesting you don't even account for that -- are you so disconnected from your home life that you forget what it's like to be with kids all day?? You have to take care of them. They don't do it themselves.