Anonymous wrote:OP, find a more flexible job. You're approaching this issue too rigidly: it's not a big, demanding job or leave the workforce entirely.

+100. This is absolutely true and it worked for me. I could not have made it work in the pandemic with a kid without WFH.

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Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

And some kids adjust great to "group care." My kid loved daycare from day 1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the workforce for almost ten years. Scariest thing I ever did. I was convinced I would never get a job again. I did some freelance work in the interim to make sure I was still somewhat in the workforce. When it was time to go back it was fine. It was completely fine. Sure, I'm not Executive Vice President of Important Things, but I picked up where I left off, salary-wise. I did a career pivot, so I'm in a field similar to, but not exactly the same. I transitioned from marketing to tech writing. My only regret is the time I spent worrying that I made a mistake.

This is really heartening to hear! I'm in the end stage of staying home for about 9 years, and am trying to figure out how to get back in. it's very stressful, I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake by quitting, so it's wonderful to hear that it worked out for you! I also freelanced (wrote articles) and had a book published during that time (i always had 10-15 hours of childcare). fingers crossed.

It took nine months of excruciating, self-esteem crushing searching. Even with the freelancing, many of my skills were embarassingly out-of-date. I took a lot of courses. I revised my resume three times. I spent probably 2 hours/day on LinkedIn reading job ads and trying figure out how to get my resume and skills in shape. I did A LOT of reaching out to people for career advice. "Tell me about your field and how you got into it..." Once I got the hang of it, it was like Job Mountain came to me. Months of rejection, and then three offers on the same day. I wish I could go back and tell SAHM me that it will work out.

No. And when I went back a year later I found somewhere more relaxed and flexible with better healthcare.

Enjoyed my time at home but went back when my girls were in HS to help pad our retirement so we can both retire early together. It didn't seem right for me to be "retired" once the kids were out of the house - DH should get to enjoy early retirement too!

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Anonymous wrote:Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

I said I’m happier and my kids are happier.

You can be happier working.

Perhaps I will be back to work in a few years. For now, I am still enjoying being home with the kids. I would say most of my friends and most of my kids’ friends’ parents work. Many moms have chosen more flexible jobs. We carpool. We hang out.

When I was working, I met more SAHMs. Now I stay home and meet more working moms. My working status doesn’t define me.

How old are your kids and how long have you been home?

To be honest, I don't think there's any way to know this unless you leave the workforce and see.

But the grass is always greener, IME. My own situation is that I did leave the workforce for several years, enjoyed being out, but am now looking to rejoin for something more to do... But I feel conflicted about starting the job hunt and sometimes think I should have stayed out. Still don't know the right answer.

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Anonymous wrote:Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

My parents would agree that to be a good mom, you should marry well.

My parents love my DH. He is an amazing husband, father and provider. If he didn’t earn a lot, I would still be working. If he earned less, he would still be a good husband and father and we would be good parents.

You got lucky. Just admit it and stop trying to justify your entitled self.

Anonymous wrote:Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

I said I’m happier and my kids are happier.

You can be happier working.

Perhaps I will be back to work in a few years. For now, I am still enjoying being home with the kids. I would say most of my friends and most of my kids’ friends’ parents work. Many moms have chosen more flexible jobs. We carpool. We hang out.

When I was working, I met more SAHMs. Now I stay home and meet more working moms. My working status doesn’t define me.

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Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

I'm the FT WOHM/WFM from above. My kids are actually older now -- I have a third grader and a 4-yr old in a fantastic pre-k program that goes until 3:30, 5-days a week. I have a job I love with tons of autonomy and flexibility over my hours. I do both school pick-ups (unless older DD has a carpool to some activity). I can only speak for myself, but if my only options were a job like the one OP describes and SAH, I'd pick the latter, albeit reluctantly. But if OP doesn't really want to leave the workforce, I hope she can find something like I have. It's amazing, I'm fortunate.

Anonymous wrote:Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

My parents would agree that to be a good mom, you should marry well.

My parents love my DH. He is an amazing husband, father and provider. If he didn’t earn a lot, I would still be working. If he earned less, he would still be a good husband and father and we would be good parents.

Anonymous wrote:Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

It helps to be hot and have ready sex, men are more malleable then.

Take note ladies, if you want to be a “good mom” and have “happy kids” you need to marry well and never divorce. And make sure DH is totally on board with anything you say.

Anonymous wrote:

Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

Never. Not one single day. I am so grateful that I was able to stay at home with my children. Now that they are adults, I'm working part-time as a trainer and yoga teacher. It's flexible enough that I can travel to visit my kids/grands when I want to. DH and I are financially secure. Life is good. I don't regret leaving the working world at all. And no, we are not rich.

Yes you are.

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Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

I’m the pp who is now a SAHM. My older kids are tweens now. Most of my friends work. Every one has some sort of nightmare or bad stories. My most successful friend had a nanny who was abusing her kids. She only found out because her housekeeper told her. She chugged through and now makes a healthy seven figure income. She almost got divorced but her marriage survived. The husband ended up cutting back.

I tried many different situations before I stayed home. I used to have a FT nanny and worked PT. I had a FT nanny plus PT preschool. I had 2 kids in daycare for a year. Then the older kid went to elementary. I thought I was in the home stretch but I found snow days, two hour delays, teacher work days, school breaks and sick days to make it impossible. My husband has a very demanding inflexible job so I had morning and afternoon pick up. Yes, I paid for before and after care. He earned 10x what I earned.

I’m much happier staying home. I think my kids are also happier.