Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. I am totally with you. Donating is a lot of work and generally not a solution. Grandparents who don’t respect the wishes of parents are deeply selfish and disrespectful.

How is it work?

Dear Neighbors. there are 10 preschool board games at the end of my driveway. Please help yourself. Some are never played with...

Get on the local buy nothing or free cycle and offer them up. People will probably take them especially in this season.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifting "experiences" to young kids like your ages OP is totally LAME for the kid and gift-giver! No 7 yr old is excited to open a piece of paper that says "zoo membership". Like, wooohooooo, now we have free parking at the zoo -- how exciting for him! Perhaps a big trip to Disney World or the like could go down differently, but that's not the price range you are talking. If you want to re-brand "experiences", classes, enrichment, etc. that you should be getting your kid anyways as Christmas gifts, then you -- the parents -- should be stuck with that lameness!

HOWEVER, it is admittedly irksome when you give the grandparents actual specific gift suggestions, like the ninja course, for example, and they then ignore them in favor for a bunch of redundant items instead. I hear you on that.

No way! My kids got a Disney trip last year from the grandparents and they were over the top excited on Christmas morning. It was all they talked about. My son also got a train trip one year that he was thrilled with.

A Disney trip is not comparable whatsoever to a museum or zoo membership — but then, you already knew that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifts are not your chance to get other people to buy the things that you want to give your children. Unless you are in dire finances and kids really need backpacks or coats or something, let the giver decide the gift.

If the giver is upset because the kids don't like or care about the gifts, that's a different story.

But grandparents don't have to buy the crap you want to give your kids. That's your job.

Could not agree more with this, and I think you'd get almost universal agreement from all posters here. That doesn't mean it's polite for giver to deluge you with cheap crap. Kind of like when I bought toilet paper for my elderly parents during the pandemic, but accidentally ordered them a commercial-sized pallet of tp. Sure my heart was in the right place, but they can't fit all that tp in their house. If I had done that on purpose, they could rightfully be annoyed with me!

OMG did that really happen?!

Yup. They still had most of it when we moved them out of their house last year.

Anonymous wrote:Gifting "experiences" to young kids like your ages OP is totally LAME for the kid and gift-giver! No 7 yr old is excited to open a piece of paper that says "zoo membership". Like, wooohooooo, now we have free parking at the zoo -- how exciting for him! Perhaps a big trip to Disney World or the like could go down differently, but that's not the price range you are talking. If you want to re-brand "experiences", classes, enrichment, etc. that you should be getting your kid anyways as Christmas gifts, then you -- the parents -- should be stuck with that lameness!

HOWEVER, it is admittedly irksome when you give the grandparents actual specific gift suggestions, like the ninja course, for example, and they then ignore them in favor for a bunch of redundant items instead. I hear you on that.

That is exactly what they do. We suggest ninja courses, slack lines, climbing dome, soccer balls and goals…nope. They want to give multiple, small gifts (that easily equal $200). More trucks, legos, and other small toys that we truly do not need.

You have to just accept gifts graciously and then deal with them. If you don’t have time to deal with donations, put them in the trash and never think about it again. Some of you people just love the drama.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

Not OP, but that's not my issue. Unlike OP, my parents (really my mom) buy my kids lots of cheap-o toys. The PP who said grandma with the TJ Maxx haul nailed it. We don't have space for it, and my kids don't play with them. If she were buying Lego sets or Magnatiles or sports equipment or any of the other suggestions on this thread, that would be great! But she resists all attempts at wish lists, gift suggestions, etc. She likes them to open a lot of gifts without a lot of rhyme or reason on whether the gifts are appropriate (one example: a 1000-piece puzzle that is basically all one color that she gave them last year). Yes, I donate and give away on Buy Nothing, but it does take time and effort, and it would be so much better not to receive it in the first place.

This is the type of thing where the gift giver is making it about *them*, which is rude. Giving a gift should be about the recipient and whether it’s something they would enjoy and could use. Sure a gracious recipient will say thank you with a smile. But let’s not pretend that disrespecting boundaries and buying age-inappropriate/junky stuff so the gift giver can pat themselves on the back isn’t selfish. And so many grandparents (mine included) specifically say they want to gift lots of (or really big) items so they can see the kids’ eyes light up or whatever. Let’s be real … they are doing it for their own benefit in some backwards attempt to be fawned over by the kids. They want to be adored and told how amazing they are for buying it. And I’ve seen it backfire where a kid doesn’t act appropriately excited about the gift and the grandparent gets upset. I think if a relative is told that your child isn’t into XYZ, or that something is age-inappropriate, or that your house is too small to store it, or even that something is not in line with your family’s values (such as some families not wanting their kids to have toy weapons) and the family member continues to gift the child that type of gift, it is manipulative and disrespectful to the parents.

Anonymous wrote:Gifting "experiences" to young kids like your ages OP is totally LAME for the kid and gift-giver! No 7 yr old is excited to open a piece of paper that says "zoo membership". Like, wooohooooo, now we have free parking at the zoo -- how exciting for him! Perhaps a big trip to Disney World or the like could go down differently, but that's not the price range you are talking. If you want to re-brand "experiences", classes, enrichment, etc. that you should be getting your kid anyways as Christmas gifts, then you -- the parents -- should be stuck with that lameness!

HOWEVER, it is admittedly irksome when you give the grandparents actual specific gift suggestions, like the ninja course, for example, and they then ignore them in favor for a bunch of redundant items instead. I hear you on that.

No way! My kids got a Disney trip last year from the grandparents and they were over the top excited on Christmas morning. It was all they talked about. My son also got a train trip one year that he was thrilled with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another shrew who thinks it's about HER happiness and not her children's happiness. It's not about what you want. I'm sure your kids are thrilled to get more toys.

Seriously, you said your 7.5 year old is aging out of toys? Did I read that correctly? What the hell?

OP here and ok, ok I take it back! Goodness! You never know how the wind will blow on DCUM. Other posts of similar fashion have people comment “your child is almost out of the toy phase”…

Nah, I'm with you, OP. The kids are happy for 5 min and then forget all about the toys. Luckily they will also somewhat/sometimes enthusiastically round up toys for donation within weeks or months of the pile-up.

For us, clothes from one grandma has been the much bigger problem, so for a while we had a total moratorium on clothes-buying. For the holidays we came to a clearly defined, reasonable agreement on what could be bought, based primarily on what's needed. The other grandparent(s) are the junk toy offenders but usually send them from afar and as a default if given no "requests" or a wish list. So...they get a wish list. With no junk toys on it.

My BTDT advice: Be reasonable, maintain a united front, provide options/suggestions/alternatives.

Giving kids gifts on Christmas is not about giving them what's needed. That's YOUR job, all year. That's why kids HATE gifts like socks and pajamas, or don't you realize that is a standard joke?

The post said "the holidays," not Christmas. I'm guessing you don't realize those things are standard Hanukkah gifts. Now you know!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another shrew who thinks it's about HER happiness and not her children's happiness. It's not about what you want. I'm sure your kids are thrilled to get more toys.

Seriously, you said your 7.5 year old is aging out of toys? Did I read that correctly? What the hell?

OP here and ok, ok I take it back! Goodness! You never know how the wind will blow on DCUM. Other posts of similar fashion have people comment “your child is almost out of the toy phase”…

Nah, I'm with you, OP. The kids are happy for 5 min and then forget all about the toys. Luckily they will also somewhat/sometimes enthusiastically round up toys for donation within weeks or months of the pile-up.

For us, clothes from one grandma has been the much bigger problem, so for a while we had a total moratorium on clothes-buying. For the holidays we came to a clearly defined, reasonable agreement on what could be bought, based primarily on what's needed. The other grandparent(s) are the junk toy offenders but usually send them from afar and as a default if given no "requests" or a wish list. So...they get a wish list. With no junk toys on it.

My BTDT advice: Be reasonable, maintain a united front, provide options/suggestions/alternatives.

Giving kids gifts on Christmas is not about giving them what's needed. That's YOUR job, all year. That's why kids HATE gifts like socks and pajamas, or don't you realize that is a standard joke?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw, OP -- and I say this genuinely and not with snark -- I'm sure there are lots of kids who would love your excess toys. Check with Head Starts, domestic violence shelters, charities that work with foster kids...etc.

It’s surprisingly hard to donate used toys.

This! Most places want new toys donated!

It’s not. Thrift stores will take used toys that aren’t broken. Many you can even use a drop box and never have to deal with a person.

But it’s sooooo hard to put them in a box or a trash bag and take them to the drop off point. Poor, pitiful OP,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. I am totally with you. Donating is a lot of work and generally not a solution. Grandparents who don’t respect the wishes of parents are deeply selfish and disrespectful.

How is it work?

Dear Neighbors. there are 10 preschool board games at the end of my driveway. Please help yourself. Some are never played with...

People do this on my neighborhood listserv and buy nothing group all the time, for real.

It is still a burden. The clutter, the rounding up, the making sure you have all the parts/pieces, sorting. boxing up, making a post, consolidating and taking out of house.

Not being over gifted in the first place is the far better option

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. I am totally with you. Donating is a lot of work and generally not a solution. Grandparents who don’t respect the wishes of parents are deeply selfish and disrespectful.

“Poor OP?” Please. If only you had real problems…

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

That particular thing drives me nuts because then you end up with your kids saying “why did Santa bring cousin larlo an x box plus a lower ranger set plus a drum set plus a robot plus 4 new Xbox games plus a bike and all Santa brought me was one thing? Does Santa love larlo more? Was larlo better than me this year?” I have a sibling that goes waaaaay overboard on Santa presents and there were very uncomfortable years trying to explain to my kids the disparity. I would have skipped Christmas there but it would have chased WwIii (and eventually did cause a mini world war when I put my foot down and stopped going.). I feel like with Santa and the tooth fairy there is an unstated social contract not to go too overboard.

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

Not OP, but that's not my issue. Unlike OP, my parents (really my mom) buy my kids lots of cheap-o toys. The PP who said grandma with the TJ Maxx haul nailed it. We don't have space for it, and my kids don't play with them. If she were buying Lego sets or Magnatiles or sports equipment or any of the other suggestions on this thread, that would be great! But she resists all attempts at wish lists, gift suggestions, etc. She likes them to open a lot of gifts without a lot of rhyme or reason on whether the gifts are appropriate (one example: a 1000-piece puzzle that is basically all one color that she gave them last year). Yes, I donate and give away on Buy Nothing, but it does take time and effort, and it would be so much better not to receive it in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried donating your toys to your local elementary school? Our school is always looking for toys/games for kids to use during indoor recess. If your school doesn’t need them, then please post and let me know, because I know several DCPS schools that would be happy to take them.

+1. Kids are always “borrowing” and never returning toys to our school, so replacements would be great.