Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to chime in and say I don't find the dollar dance thing offensive-especially given it's a tradition and we're talking about a dollar. The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture.

Cash gifts are totally fine as long as they are not expected. We have heard from on these posts about the Korean and Jewish tradition and that did not offend me in the least becomes nobody is told to give money, it's just a tradition among those close to the family.

I attended a wedding where the bride had some kind of lace apron and danced around in a circle for guests to toss in money and, believe me, bulging envelopes and $100 bills were what was being "tossed" into her lace apron. Frankly, I would have been humiliated to have done this but it as an ethnic wedding. Only men were allowed to contribute as the bride gave each of them a kiss. It was obvious that a goodly sum was expected--nothing less than $100.00.

I love how everyone agreed with this poster about how terrible this tradition was and no one took offense to her referring to the wedding as "ethnic". White people are so ridiculous.

I'll bite. It's as stupid for someone to call out an group by race... for not calling out that somebody else calling somebody "ethnic". Fine, Sally Sensitive: "but it was a wedding from a different culture". Satisfied?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

According to Emily Post: "The definition of etiquette -- a code of behavior based on thoughtfulness -- has not changed since Emily's day. The etiquette guidelines we use to smooth the way change all the time. "

And: When asked "What is the definition of etiquette?", Naomi Polson, who received her etiquette certificate in Washington DC and is the Founding Director of The Etiquette Company, replies, "Etiquette has to do with good manners. It's not so much our own good manners, but making other people feel comfortable by the way we behave. So it's more or less thinking of others and how others perceive us: So that everyone knows the rules for doing things and everyone is in a very comfortable position in society."

Etiquette and manners are useful because they grease the wheels of human interaction, and make people comfortable engaging with other people in social situations.

RE asking for money at showers & weddings: It is not thoughtful to ask people for money at a celebratory social event. Such a request suggests that the hosts are not thinking of others; they are thinking of themselves. Such a request does not make invited guests feel comfortable.

That's why it is bad manners.

+1

Well said.

This summs it up well. This invitation is tacky.

Anonymous wrote:

According to Emily Post: "The definition of etiquette -- a code of behavior based on thoughtfulness -- has not changed since Emily's day. The etiquette guidelines we use to smooth the way change all the time. "

And: When asked "What is the definition of etiquette?", Naomi Polson, who received her etiquette certificate in Washington DC and is the Founding Director of The Etiquette Company, replies, "Etiquette has to do with good manners. It's not so much our own good manners, but making other people feel comfortable by the way we behave. So it's more or less thinking of others and how others perceive us: So that everyone knows the rules for doing things and everyone is in a very comfortable position in society."

Etiquette and manners are useful because they grease the wheels of human interaction, and make people comfortable engaging with other people in social situations.

RE asking for money at showers & weddings: It is not thoughtful to ask people for money at a celebratory social event. Such a request suggests that the hosts are not thinking of others; they are thinking of themselves. Such a request does not make invited guests feel comfortable.

That's why it is bad manners.

+1

Well said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Great SIL you are. Stay home then. They might not have money to do much more but still want to celebrate surrounded by people they love. Who are you to rain in that? And really, part of her ignorance is cultural? So your culture is superior and know more than SIL's culture? You sound racist and way out of line.

I'm not the PP but I think the bottom line to anything is motivation. If someone is having a potluck wedding shower and their attitude is one of wanting to celebrate with all their friends and family I'm not going to turn my nose up. If you are having a potluck shower and are asking me to bring cash or registered only for super expensive items and are asking me to bring a potluck dish and I don't know you that well - that's when it feels like a shakedown. A gift should be just that, something someone desires to give you and that you don't have any expectations of getting. I had to look up the definition of gift in the dictionary just to make sure I wasn't crazy. The definition says given voluntarily.

Even if it is a cultural or regional thing, I would think that people that grew up with that tradition would do it gladly because they saw it growing up. There would be no need to be explicit. For guests that didn't grow up with that, they should have other options. At our wedding, for various reasons our relatives liked to give money as gifts. No way in heck would I ever think of pressuring anyone to give cash. But when we go to relatives weddings we give cash as a gift because we feel like it is passing on and remember that for us that may have been the difference in some of the honeymoon plans.

Anonymous wrote:This is the 1st I have ever heard of a Money Tree for a baby shower. I know different parts of the country have different norms - I was surprised when I was in the midwest and there was a dollar dance at the wedding, and 50/50 men's bachelor events in upstate NY.

Could it be a cultural thing?

This is definitely a midwestern thing. I was in a wedding in Wisconsin and they had a dollar dance as well. Since I was close friends with the bride, I asked her about it and she acted like it was completely normal and was a little surprised that I'd never heard of such a thing.

OP, is the mom-to-be Asian by chance? I know that in some Asian cultures (Chinese and maybe Japanese) money is given at weddings and for new babies so maybe they are combining Eastern and Western traditions? We had a traditional "American" wedding as well as a more "Chinese" reception since we are a biracial couple, and all of our Chinese family members handed us envelopes of cash. Just a thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to chime in and say I don't find the dollar dance thing offensive-especially given it's a tradition and we're talking about a dollar. The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture.

Cash gifts are totally fine as long as they are not expected. We have heard from on these posts about the Korean and Jewish tradition and that did not offend me in the least becomes nobody is told to give money, it's just a tradition among those close to the family.

I attended a wedding where the bride had some kind of lace apron and danced around in a circle for guests to toss in money and, believe me, bulging envelopes and $100 bills were what was being "tossed" into her lace apron. Frankly, I would have been humiliated to have done this but it as an ethnic wedding. Only men were allowed to contribute as the bride gave each of them a kiss. It was obvious that a goodly sum was expected--nothing less than $100.00.

I love how everyone agreed with this poster about how terrible this tradition was and no one took offense to her referring to the wedding as "ethnic". White people are so ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:It could be worst. It is a growing trend in my DH's home country to send out wedding invites with your bank account number on it for direct deposits.

I actually got questioned as to why our wedding invitations didn't include our bank account.

Grrrrr. I meant it could be worse.

It could be worst. It is a growing trend in my DH's home country to send out wedding invites with your bank account number on it for direct deposits.

I actually got questioned as to why our wedding invitations didn't include our bank account.

I would go. It will probably be really entertaining. They might have strippers or somethIng.

I think it's tackier to turn down an invitation because your sensitivities are soooooo offended by the lack of etiquette of the inviter than to mention on the invitation that there will be a money tree at the shower. Geez, please do everyone a favor and don't go. You don't sound like any fun anyway.

Hey OP, since this thread was resurrected from two,years ago, are you still around? Did you go? Was it awful?

A money tree is like a 'no gift' or 'donations only'. It is people feeling they have the right to dictate what is and isn't given to them. It is saying your gift will suck so we don't want it. In this case they saying..no gift shower please but bring money...

I would bring fake money and stick it on the tree. Perhaps chocolate coins would be good?

omg you people are sooo f'n bugged out about this.... a "money tree" is a nice way of saying we dont want u to pick out present for us bc well prob return it anyway... or wa want the money to pick out what WE want... or instead of getting multiples of everything bc NO ONE can give the cashier the registry to mark off items it saves me a trip to return everything... etc.... come on people it AINT ABOUT YOU.... they are simply telling you what they want for whatever the reason.. who are you to tell people what they need to get as a presnt.. or instead of cash you can give a gify card to a store you know they like for the reasoning that you are giving it to them.... hello people wake up!!! it aint about you!

Anonymous wrote:

I find it funny that people try to equate certain immigrants of yesteryear with "poor" or "distasteful".

Who said WASPs have all the fun? In fact, by the looks on their faces, they are having none of the fun -
none of the money OR sex - HAHAHAHA!

I thought this area was supposed to be educated? Seems not.

LOL! Pretentious bores is a more accurate description. If they "never heard of it" in their teeny, tiney, lives, it's "tacky". LOL!