Anonymous wrote:Only time I ever got scolded was when I posted an item, someone PMd me to say he wanted it as a surprise for his wife who was also in the group. I agreed, and added to the post that it had been gifted. I was immediately told by admin that I couldn't gift via pm. I explained the situation and it was fine, but there are those awkward moments.

The those rules due generally serve to keep out the chaos though I guess.

That's nuts.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My buy nothing has the opposite problem — our admin takes months (like up to 6 months) to admit new members to the group because she’s “busy” but has rejected all offers of support from other members to maybe help clear out the backlog.

Oh my gosh, is this in Silver Spring, by any chance? I have been trying to join my neighborhood group for years, and I finally gave up. I do freecycle instead.

Either you are not in bounds for the group you are trying to join, or you are already in another group

Those are my guesses

You would think, but neither are true. So, I have given up. Local charities and freecycle get our stuff.

Hahaha, I'm the first poster on this thread and no, the people wanting to get in are legit local residents. The admin has been asked about it and responded that she does it in batches, and no, she does not want help. But her batches are scary far apart to the point the most people like PP just give up. Sadly, my group is not Silver Spring, so apparently this is not just a one-off admin problem. Although I think I prefer it to the simmer nonsense -- I prefer that my group tends to gravitate to first responder, random, or pick-up locations/times work best for me as rational for choosing when there's signficant interest for an item.

Anonymous wrote:The whole “simmer” thing is also insulting, if you think about it. “Who is the most worthy of this well-used-but-stil-functional toy shopping cart that we’ve had for a million years”? Like, it’s great if someone wants it and get some use out of it, but I’m not delusional into thinking that’s a high-value item that will change the life of someone less fortunate. Not to say I haven’t posted really nice items, but again, I want it gone, so it’s not like it’s a box of diamonds.

The point of the group isn't necessarily to go to the lowest income people in the community. I will sometimes choose need over want but I usually look at people who gift regularly or are new vs. just take and don't gift.

They’re just sticking to the official Buy Nothing concept. I, too, just want to get rid of stuff but the group does have a national organization with a concept and mission. It’s just not what you’re looking for.

Unfortunately, many women without much going on love to establish rules like this. I’m on a few parenting boards and the amount of censoring is unbelievable. There are so many rules as to what you can say. Many times I am simply stating the obvious and I am scolded.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in 2 buy nothing groups (we moved). In both groups simmering was not required. And giving was not based on need. I would find that really uncomfortable if people had to explain their neediness to a group of strangers.

+1 Let people preserve their dignity. It also makes me uncomfortable to feel like I'm playing God picking the "most worthy" person.

Similarly, I don't like being made to feel like I somehow owe someone who believes their cause should be my cause. I posted a toy (was expensive new) FFPU on our neighborhood listserv. A neighbor responded how she volunteers for this charity and sent me a link to their website. I didn't click on it because I couldn't care less - just wanted the toy gone. I said she could have it. That wasn't good enough for her. She started in with multiple questions to make SURE that it was in "dignity condition." I said it could probably use a cleaning. She got miffed that I wouldn't do it myself for her oh-so-worthy cause. I gave it to someone else and will never pick her again.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in 2 buy nothing groups (we moved). In both groups simmering was not required. And giving was not based on need. I would find that really uncomfortable if people had to explain their neediness to a group of strangers.

Exactly this: and the mostly-white admins, in some cases, seem to get a big kick out of reminding everyone what an Altruistic Person (White Savior) they are for saying we give to the NEEDY, not the greedy, etc., etc. Again, Nancy, it is a small backpack that has been used for two years. You are not Mother Theresa for running a group that gets it from one home to the next.

The whole “simmer” thing is also insulting, if you think about it. “Who is the most worthy of this well-used-but-stil-functional toy shopping cart that we’ve had for a million years”? Like, it’s great if someone wants it and get some use out of it, but I’m not delusional into thinking that’s a high-value item that will change the life of someone less fortunate. Not to say I haven’t posted really nice items, but again, I want it gone, so it’s not like it’s a box of diamonds.

"Car seats for littles" admins are also crazy. Every other post gets closed for admin only, or they yell at you for replying with the reply button.. It's a FB group, gmafb.

Only time I ever got scolded was when I posted an item, someone PMd me to say he wanted it as a surprise for his wife who was also in the group. I agreed, and added to the post that it had been gifted. I was immediately told by admin that I couldn't gift via pm. I explained the situation and it was fine, but there are those awkward moments.

The those rules due generally serve to keep out the chaos though I guess.

My Buy Nothing is exactly like this, OP. It’s supremely annoying.

I think there are general Buy Nothing rules from the original creators. There is an umbrella "organization" and not just an individual who went rogue to create a give-your-stuff-away group. So they follow the original language and branding.

That said, my group is pretty chill, and some of that language is used but people ultimately decide themselves how to handle a transaction. I tend to give to the first person who asks. But more than half the time if I say I want something for my classroom, I get picked becuase people would love to see the item go to a school. And honestly, I appreciate that, since I try to not spend money for work and have gotten many wonderful things this way.

These rules cater to people with no lives and too much time on their hands. If I'm getting rid of something, I want it gone: I don't have time to play some number game or read through paragraphs about what the person is going to do with the item.

When I lived in Arlington, I frequently gave away old furniture and it was usually young adults who had just graduated furnishing a shared house in Clarendon. I was fine with that.

Use freecycle instead. No one cares whether you let it simmer and no one has to say why they want it.

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting. Are those the rules of your buy nothing?

Mine does not have that rule but we were supposed to read and agree to rules when we joined the group.

These are the rules of all buy nothings.

We have a spin off group in my neighborhood that plays much looser with the rules and is much more enjoyable.

Not mine. I just verified and we do not need to let anything “simmer”. People do all sorts of things on my group. They can do first come first serve, first to reply, first to pick up, random pics, person to get her number. And in my group people don’t plead their case it’s mostly people saying interested.

+1