Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.

+1

I agree. It’s always been like this. But phones definitely make it worse.

The kids are constantly exposed to what everyone else is doing and saying - it’s non-stop, overwhelming social stimulus, unless they know how to filter it or step back when they need a break.

Some kids do this naturally. They just have a more limited appetite for social stimulus. They get their fill and then turn their attention to things that interest them more.

Other kids can’t self-regulate that way. Either because they just find the social stuff more compelling than anything else, or maybe because it lights up their brain in a way that compels them to keep coming back for another hit (either anxiety or high stimulation/dopamine-seeking needs etc.)

Add in the normal teen limitations/under-developed impulse-control and decision-making abilities, and the phones make everything MUCH worse!! 😢

But how does that make middle school miserable? I think you just went on an anti-phone tangent.

Look, I'm not a fan of constant phone usage either - but it doesn't mean that middle school is more (or less) miserable now than it was was when we were young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.

+1

I agree. It’s always been like this. But phones definitely make it worse.

The kids are constantly exposed to what everyone else is doing and saying - it’s non-stop, overwhelming social stimulus, unless they know how to filter it or step back when they need a break.

Some kids do this naturally. They just have a more limited appetite for social stimulus. They get their fill and then turn their attention to things that interest them more.

Other kids can’t self-regulate that way. Either because they just find the social stuff more compelling than anything else, or maybe because it lights up their brain in a way that compels them to keep coming back for another hit (either anxiety or high stimulation/dopamine-seeking needs etc.)

Add in the normal teen limitations/under-developed impulse-control and decision-making abilities, and the phones make everything MUCH worse!! 😢

Anonymous wrote:There are groups of mean girls in every school and they are not necessarily the ones who are popular. In the cases we've seen it's girls who want to be seen as popular so they start excluding or putting down other people so that they can feel superior. They some times have a lot of issues like they are not that attractive but try hard. They aren't good at school so they put their energy into other things.
It's really immaturity and pettiness. Most middle schools in our area are large so you can easily avoid these girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.

+1

I agree. It’s always been like this. But phones definitely make it worse.

The kids are constantly exposed to what everyone else is doing and saying - it’s non-stop, overwhelming social stimulus, unless they know how to filter it or step back when they need a break.

Some kids do this naturally. They just have a more limited appetite for social stimulus. They get their fill and then turn their attention to things that interest them more.

Other kids can’t self-regulate that way. Either because they just find the social stuff more compelling than anything else, or maybe because it lights up their brain in a way that compels them to keep coming back for another hit (either anxiety or high stimulation/dopamine-seeking needs etc.)

Add in the normal teen limitations/under-developed impulse-control and decision-making abilities, and the phones make everything MUCH worse!! 😢

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately, it is completely normal (meaning that it happens often) to kids with disabilities, kids who are socially awkward, kids who are overweight etc.


I have to say that I was a kid with a disability and lucked out,. I can see MS being a cchange and a challenge, but miserable i cant imagine that being normal either.

That's great to hear, genuinely. I thought it was clear that I was not referring to every single person with every single type of disability, but in case it wasn't, I was speaking about on the whole.

Unfortunately, it is completely normal (meaning that it happens often) to kids with disabilities, kids who are socially awkward, kids who are overweight etc.


I have to say that I was a kid with a disability and lucked out,. I can see MS being a cchange and a challenge, but miserable i cant imagine that being normal either.

Anonymous wrote:

If your child is having a terrible time and is miserable, more so than so bad days here and there, that isn’t normal.

Unfortunately, it is completely normal (meaning that it happens often) to kids with disabilities, kids who are socially awkward, kids who are overweight etc.

If your child is having a terrible time and is miserable, more so than so bad days here and there, that isn’t normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to feel insecure that there's a trend on this thread that some middle schoolers have had fewer negative social experiences and go to very diverse schools.

There are pros and cons to every situation. I'm sure kids who attend less diverse, UMC, schools have things about it they like a lot, that my family would really envy. And I bet some of those kids have great social experiences, too.

The topic of the thread is: Is middle school always miserable?
People can say: not at my school and this is the reason why IMO

You don't have to discount someone else's experience.

It's not a binary thing.

No one feels insecure. But of course you thinks that’s what is going on. People are pointing out that it’s unlikely, as some are suggesting exists, there is a unicorn middle school environment where everyone gets along all the time and all the kids are all inclusive, kind, empathetic humans.

I agree with you it’s not always miserable. Not at all. My kids have overall liked middle school. But all have had their moments.

Anonymous wrote:Would love some perspective from others, especially if you have a girl…

DD just started 7th and the mean girl behavior is out of control. It definitely started last year, or maybe even a bit in 4th or 5th grade as friend dynamics started to change. I think she is on the periphery of the “cool” crowd but honestly the girls are all just so brutal to one another overall. It’s like they single a couple people out at a time and just make their lives miserable, then they move on to someone else. I just found out that one girl was tormented so much last year that her parents moved her to another school. I don’t think my DD is one of the active mean girls, but she is definitely guilty by association because she does nothing to those being singled out (and has been one the receiving end a few times). She explains to me that you either follow along or they make your life beyond miserable (spreading lies about you, sending you hate message on social media or by text, playing pranks at school, etc).

I have talked to a few friends with similar age kids and they seem to be experiencing the same with their girls in different schools… so is this just everywhere? Does it get better in high school?

At least in our case these girls are from good families with involved parents so I don’t understand why nothing at all can be done to curb the behavior.

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to feel insecure that there's a trend on this thread that some middle schoolers have had fewer negative social experiences and go to very diverse schools.

There are pros and cons to every situation. I'm sure kids who attend less diverse, UMC, schools have things about it they like a lot, that my family would really envy. And I bet some of those kids have great social experiences, too.

The topic of the thread is: Is middle school always miserable?
People can say: not at my school and this is the reason why IMO

You don't have to discount someone else's experience.

It's not a binary thing.

Anonymous wrote:It's always been like this. Phones don't make a difference. Girls in middle school start to develop their personalities. Some are strong (and stand up to bullying) but are usually quirky and considered not popular. Other's go along and participate by association.