Anonymous wrote:It seems awfully early for the suck it vegans posters to be out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You sound kind. I recommend you talk to them before finalizing your plans and make sure what you’re planning to do will actually be something that works for them and is appreciated. I was assigned to bring desserts one year, and my husband’s side of the family includes one gluten free person and one gluten free/dairy free person. I thought I was doing a nice thing by special ordering very beautiful expensive gf/df personal apple pies from a local bakery that is fully gf (no cross contamination). It was an inconvenient place for me to go while simultaneously trying to bake regular desserts and pack my family to travel. Both people I bought the desserts for didn’t eat them or even taste them to be polite! The gf/df person packed her own fruit for dessert and the gf person just ate vanilla ice cream I had brought to serve with the pies. Lesson learned was that sometimes people with dietary restrictions are actually even more complex and disordered/picky about food than their restriction category indicates, so you may want to check if they even like mushrooms or potatoes or whatever so you don’t go to the trouble unless it will be eaten/appreciated.

Not liking pumpkin pie is not "disordered" or picky -- most people don't like it. Literally every single year I wonder why we serve it at Thanksgiving. But they were probably used to having such serious diarrhea after eating food brought by well intentioned relatives that they've learned the hard way not to eat it.

NP. In that case, they should not even make their dietary restrictions or choices known to other people. If you are going to share that kind of information—which is helpful to most hosts—you should be prepared to graciously eat what is offered, like a guest. Knowing that holiday meals often include contributions from others, you should be prepared for the fact that other people will likely have gone literally out of their way for you. If you have “learned the hard way” not to eat this or that when people are just trying to be helpful and welcoming, bring your own food or be prepared to eat before or after. Honestly, there is no pleasing or accommodating picky, particular, difficult people who honestly CHOOSE to be ridiculous.

I am not a picky eater. I eat everything. I'm simply saying that the extreme negative reactions to people's dietary restrictions are weird -- weirder then the dietary restrictions. It is not "disordered" to not like pumpkin pie. It also would not be reasonable for a guest allergic to gluten and dairy to say, "Sorry, no, I've had too much diarrhea. This time I'll pass." The normal thing would just be to not eat it. Sounds like the host delegated pies to the PP and told her about the two guests with dietary restrictions. I doubt the guests with restrictions asked that PP directly. Just guessing tho.

It was apple pies, not a pumpkin pie (which I agree is gross and I am not picky and have no dietary restrictions). Both guests eat and enjoy apples, have eaten things of this type in the past, and weren’t too full for dessert (as I mentioned, one ate ice cream, the other pulled out a big fruit salad she packed for herself). They were being rude, picky and disordered by refusing the pies, which were beautiful and appetizing-looking. I am not saying they needed to eat the pies if they would prefer to eat something else. I’m just saying that *sometimes* other wacky food issues accompany people who choose to follow restrictive diets in the first place. And even when you go out of your way to make a nice meal for these people in spite of the extra work, they may actually not appreciate any of your efforts or actually prefer fruit and salad. The only way to know is to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You sound kind. I recommend you talk to them before finalizing your plans and make sure what you’re planning to do will actually be something that works for them and is appreciated. I was assigned to bring desserts one year, and my husband’s side of the family includes one gluten free person and one gluten free/dairy free person. I thought I was doing a nice thing by special ordering very beautiful expensive gf/df personal apple pies from a local bakery that is fully gf (no cross contamination). It was an inconvenient place for me to go while simultaneously trying to bake regular desserts and pack my family to travel. Both people I bought the desserts for didn’t eat them or even taste them to be polite! The gf/df person packed her own fruit for dessert and the gf person just ate vanilla ice cream I had brought to serve with the pies. Lesson learned was that sometimes people with dietary restrictions are actually even more complex and disordered/picky about food than their restriction category indicates, so you may want to check if they even like mushrooms or potatoes or whatever so you don’t go to the trouble unless it will be eaten/appreciated.

Not liking pumpkin pie is not "disordered" or picky -- most people don't like it. Literally every single year I wonder why we serve it at Thanksgiving. But they were probably used to having such serious diarrhea after eating food brought by well intentioned relatives that they've learned the hard way not to eat it.

They’re not actually official allergies or celiac. In the case of these individuals they are self diagnosed intolerances.
NP. In that case, they should not even make their dietary restrictions or choices known to other people. If you are going to share that kind of information—which is helpful to most hosts—you should be prepared to graciously eat what is offered, like a guest. Knowing that holiday meals often include contributions from others, you should be prepared for the fact that other people will likely have gone literally out of their way for you. If you have “learned the hard way” not to eat this or that when people are just trying to be helpful and welcoming, bring your own food or be prepared to eat before or after. Honestly, there is no pleasing or accommodating picky, particular, difficult people who honestly CHOOSE to be ridiculous.

wait. I though the issue was the person DID bring their own food. Fruit. For dessert. Likely because someone kindly brought or made something that did make them sick. The efforts to source a high quality gf/df item are lovely, but no one should be obligated to eat it. I do hope someone did though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You sound kind. I recommend you talk to them before finalizing your plans and make sure what you’re planning to do will actually be something that works for them and is appreciated. I was assigned to bring desserts one year, and my husband’s side of the family includes one gluten free person and one gluten free/dairy free person. I thought I was doing a nice thing by special ordering very beautiful expensive gf/df personal apple pies from a local bakery that is fully gf (no cross contamination). It was an inconvenient place for me to go while simultaneously trying to bake regular desserts and pack my family to travel. Both people I bought the desserts for didn’t eat them or even taste them to be polite! The gf/df person packed her own fruit for dessert and the gf person just ate vanilla ice cream I had brought to serve with the pies. Lesson learned was that sometimes people with dietary restrictions are actually even more complex and disordered/picky about food than their restriction category indicates, so you may want to check if they even like mushrooms or potatoes or whatever so you don’t go to the trouble unless it will be eaten/appreciated.

Not liking pumpkin pie is not "disordered" or picky -- most people don't like it. Literally every single year I wonder why we serve it at Thanksgiving. But they were probably used to having such serious diarrhea after eating food brought by well intentioned relatives that they've learned the hard way not to eat it.

NP. In that case, they should not even make their dietary restrictions or choices known to other people. If you are going to share that kind of information—which is helpful to most hosts—you should be prepared to graciously eat what is offered, like a guest. Knowing that holiday meals often include contributions from others, you should be prepared for the fact that other people will likely have gone literally out of their way for you. If you have “learned the hard way” not to eat this or that when people are just trying to be helpful and welcoming, bring your own food or be prepared to eat before or after. Honestly, there is no pleasing or accommodating picky, particular, difficult people who honestly CHOOSE to be ridiculous.

I am not a picky eater. I eat everything. I'm simply saying that the extreme negative reactions to people's dietary restrictions are weird -- weirder then the dietary restrictions. It is not "disordered" to not like pumpkin pie. It also would not be reasonable for a guest allergic to gluten and dairy to say, "Sorry, no, I've had too much diarrhea. This time I'll pass." The normal thing would just be to not eat it. Sounds like the host delegated pies to the PP and told her about the two guests with dietary restrictions. I doubt the guests with restrictions asked that PP directly. Just guessing tho.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You sound kind. I recommend you talk to them before finalizing your plans and make sure what you’re planning to do will actually be something that works for them and is appreciated. I was assigned to bring desserts one year, and my husband’s side of the family includes one gluten free person and one gluten free/dairy free person. I thought I was doing a nice thing by special ordering very beautiful expensive gf/df personal apple pies from a local bakery that is fully gf (no cross contamination). It was an inconvenient place for me to go while simultaneously trying to bake regular desserts and pack my family to travel. Both people I bought the desserts for didn’t eat them or even taste them to be polite! The gf/df person packed her own fruit for dessert and the gf person just ate vanilla ice cream I had brought to serve with the pies. Lesson learned was that sometimes people with dietary restrictions are actually even more complex and disordered/picky about food than their restriction category indicates, so you may want to check if they even like mushrooms or potatoes or whatever so you don’t go to the trouble unless it will be eaten/appreciated.

Not liking pumpkin pie is not "disordered" or picky -- most people don't like it. Literally every single year I wonder why we serve it at Thanksgiving. But they were probably used to having such serious diarrhea after eating food brought by well intentioned relatives that they've learned the hard way not to eat it.

NP. In that case, they should not even make their dietary restrictions or choices known to other people. If you are going to share that kind of information—which is helpful to most hosts—you should be prepared to graciously eat what is offered, like a guest. Knowing that holiday meals often include contributions from others, you should be prepared for the fact that other people will likely have gone literally out of their way for you. If you have “learned the hard way” not to eat this or that when people are just trying to be helpful and welcoming, bring your own food or be prepared to eat before or after. Honestly, there is no pleasing or accommodating picky, particular, difficult people who honestly CHOOSE to be ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would not do anything special for them. They have made a lifestyle choice. If they had allergies, it would be different. Let them eat the salad and be happy.

That would be terribly rude.

Hardly. I'm making food for 30+ people. I don't have the time or interest in kowtowing to two silly people who have control issues and who express those issues by limiting their foods. If the vegans want to eat vegan, then they can bring their own vegan food. I certainly don't want any children in our family to see that people with mental health issues get to determine the menu for everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should talk to your cousins and find out how strict they are. I made a special effort making vegan dishes and dessert for an early 20s relative only to have her eat everything else that wasn’t obviously meat. Some Vegans are Vegetarians for holidays and special events.

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my cousin and her new husband are vegan. They live far away, so they can’t bring anything for Thanksgiving. I’m hosting 16 total, and I’d say the other 14 guests (this count includes my family) are very traditional eaters. The only other factor is nut allergies, but that’s my kids so I naturally work that into the menu. I think the other guests are pretty traditional and expect the usual fare. I’m happy to do some extra work, but I’d love to pinch-hit with vegan store-bought items from Wegmans, if anyone happens to know of anything good.

Appetizers could be:
Veggies/chips with homemade French onion dip and hummus as the vegan option
Maybe shot glasses of vegan vichyssoise?

Dinner of:
Turkey, gravy
Mashed potatoes

Could make vegan versions of:
Mashed potatoes (small side dish that I would keep by and then add butter and cream/milk to the majority of the pot)
Burgundy mushrooms (I usually make with butter but I think I can easily make these vegan)
Dressing (easy enough to use vegetable stock instead of chicken stock, but I might get dinged by the majority for this as I think it wont’ t taste as good)
Cranberry sauce
Roasted vegetables
Maybe some type of roll? Does anyone know of a good vegan bread mix or cornbread mix or some such?

Dessert:
Traditional versions of pumpkin pie, apple pie and pecan pie
I could make apple pie filling for vegans and just have that warm in a crock pot?
Maybe add some kind of vegan brownie? Need help with dessert ideas

Is the above enough food for the vegans? They can make a plate of that, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would not do anything special for them. They have made a lifestyle choice. If they had allergies, it would be different. Let them eat the salad and be happy.

That would be terribly rude.