Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why caring for parents at home works in some countries and not others.

My guess is we eat processed foods, don’t exercise and so on. All of that hurts our health and makes it hard for us to keep moving as we age.

My dad stayed in the house for a long time. My stress level was so high dealing with prescriptions that came due at different times, worrying about them falling, and so on.

At the home, they can handle the prescriptions without running to the cvs four times a month and dad has people to eat with every night.

I do not have to clean poop off of my furniture, which I have done during his visits to my home.

I now carry wipes, gloves, a mask, and extra pants with me when we are out…

So good for anyone who wants to keep mom or dad home. I don’t have the extra space or the money to pay for a new home.

I speak as someone with a poop stain on a favorite chair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, no. Usually, the biggest problem is food. My Indian grandmother never ate American food, even though she lived in this country for years. To put her in a nursing home where she would suddenly be served food she's never eaten before would be a huge shock, and downright cruel, imo. Maybe if there had been Indian nursing homes in the area, that would have been an option? But there weren't any, so we kept her with us.

Unless there is a language issue, she can live there and you can provide food. They may allow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The African woman who cared for my elderly mom told me no African would have a stranger care for their parent.

😶

Africa has many countries and cultures and none in the entire continent would have a stranger care for their parent?

I’m surprised! But also maybe they can’t afford it??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will not go to a nursing home. She's 83 yo with mild dementia. We hired someone for her at home. She needs someone who speaks Cantonese.

We are an Asian household. I understand it's our obligation, but with work and children, I have no time for anything else. Call me whatever, but we also hired a private in-home caregiver for our elderly parents. We went through an agency called Ayiconnect. They despite the idea of getting sent to a nursing home. The language barrier is also too great.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will not go to a nursing home. She's 83 yo with mild dementia. We hired someone for her at home. She needs someone who speaks Cantonese.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why caring for parents at home works in some countries and not others.

My guess is we eat processed foods, don’t exercise and so on. All of that hurts our health and makes it hard for us to keep moving as we age.

My dad stayed in the house for a long time. My stress level was so high dealing with prescriptions that came due at different times, worrying about them falling, and so on.

At the home, they can handle the prescriptions without running to the cvs four times a month and dad has people to eat with every night.

I do not have to clean poop off of my furniture, which I have done during his visits to my home.

I now carry wipes, gloves, a mask, and extra pants with me when we are out…

So good for anyone who wants to keep mom or dad home. I don’t have the extra space or the money to pay for a new home.

I speak as someone with a poop stain on a favorite chair.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why caring for parents at home works in some countries and not others.

My guess is we eat processed foods, don’t exercise and so on. All of that hurts our health and makes it hard for us to keep moving as we age.

My dad stayed in the house for a long time. My stress level was so high dealing with prescriptions that came due at different times, worrying about them falling, and so on.

At the home, they can handle the prescriptions without running to the cvs four times a month and dad has people to eat with every night.

I do not have to clean poop off of my furniture, which I have done during his visits to my home.

I now carry wipes, gloves, a mask, and extra pants with me when we are out…

So good for anyone who wants to keep mom or dad home. I don’t have the extra space or the money to pay for a new home.

I speak as someone with a poop stain on a favorite chair.

Anonymous wrote:The African woman who cared for my elderly mom told me no African would have a stranger care for their parent.

😶

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, no. Usually, the biggest problem is food. My Indian grandmother never ate American food, even though she lived in this country for years. To put her in a nursing home where she would suddenly be served food she's never eaten before would be a huge shock, and downright cruel, imo. Maybe if there had been Indian nursing homes in the area, that would have been an option? But there weren't any, so we kept her with us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

You sound unhinged. Dramatic much?

PP, unhinged? Really? YOU are the one that sounds dramatic.

It is very sad how Americans view old age and caring for their parents. It is a tragedy and it's sad that people like you continue to try and normalize the practice of sending parents away to be someone else's problem in old age.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Asian immigrant and the oldest daughter of my family. My mom prefers to live with me in US but I said no. She has good health insurance in home country and can’t speak English or drive. It’ll be too much of a burden on me as I work full time and my kids are still young. She has her own house but chose to go to a nursing home. I pay for the cost and send her extra money from time to time. Have to admit I feel very guilty not to fulfill her wish, but on the other hand, I don’t want to die before her. It was extremely stressful every time she visited us in US for even a few months.