We are skipping an upcoming destination wedding that is child free at an adult’s only resort out of the country. Even my MIL, who is all about pressuring us to go to family events emailed her branch of the family and stated this was one we could skip. We have two young kids and BIL/SIL have 3 and neither of us has anyone who can watch them for the minimum required 5 day stay at this resort.

If you have a destination wedding you have to be prepared for the fact that no one will come.

Anonymous wrote:I'd not go. The whole idea is crazy and selfish.

Same. There aren’t many lines I draw in the sand, but this is one.

Funeral - yes, I’d absolutely pay for family to attend that.

Destination wedding - not a chance.

Anonymous wrote:OP has SIL demanded or asked you to pay for any of this? Does she actually want family there?

No, she hasn’t asked… I’m not even sure if she knows that her parents/siblings have asked us for help paying. No one wants to bother her about it because she’s getting married. I think it’s selfish of her to do a destination wedding without clarifying if she doesn’t expect everyone to be there. They initially picked out an adults-only resort, but a couple family members have kids and no one to leave kids with while they are out of the country so they changed to a resort that allows kids. It seems like they are just a little bit oblivious

OP has SIL demanded or asked you to pay for any of this? Does she actually want family there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely absurd that no one seems to be speaking up. OP, it’s unfortunate and telling that your husband is willing to sacrifice his own nuclear family’s financial security for this boondoggle.

Citation needed. OP said they can afford it she'd just rather spend the money elsewhere.

OP here. We make the most of all the siblings… but it’s a stretch for us too. These funds would go on our credit cards. We’d be able to pay it in a few months but don’t have the cash now. It’s frustrating to me that DH thinks it’s a no-brainer that we hand over thousands of dollars for everyone to go on an international trip that they can’t afford. I feel like he should talk to his sister about it but he doesn’t want to put a strain on their wedding.

If you're putting it on credit cards for them, then you can't afford it either right? What am i missing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely absurd that no one seems to be speaking up. OP, it’s unfortunate and telling that your husband is willing to sacrifice his own nuclear family’s financial security for this boondoggle.

Citation needed. OP said they can afford it she'd just rather spend the money elsewhere.

OP here. We make the most of all the siblings… but it’s a stretch for us too. These funds would go on our credit cards. We’d be able to pay it in a few months but don’t have the cash now. It’s frustrating to me that DH thinks it’s a no-brainer that we hand over thousands of dollars for everyone to go on an international trip that they can’t afford. I feel like he should talk to his sister about it but he doesn’t want to put a strain on their wedding.

If you can put it on credit cards, so can they. I'd cover the parents, tell the other siblings you're getting the parents there and that's all you can afford to contribute, and expect other siblings to figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely absurd that no one seems to be speaking up. OP, it’s unfortunate and telling that your husband is willing to sacrifice his own nuclear family’s financial security for this boondoggle.

Citation needed. OP said they can afford it she'd just rather spend the money elsewhere.

OP here. We make the most of all the siblings… but it’s a stretch for us too. These funds would go on our credit cards. We’d be able to pay it in a few months but don’t have the cash now. It’s frustrating to me that DH thinks it’s a no-brainer that we hand over thousands of dollars for everyone to go on an international trip that they can’t afford. I feel like he should talk to his sister about it but he doesn’t want to put a strain on their wedding.

Anonymous wrote:Completely absurd that no one seems to be speaking up. OP, it’s unfortunate and telling that your husband is willing to sacrifice his own nuclear family’s financial security for this boondoggle.

Citation needed. OP said they can afford it she'd just rather spend the money elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement is insanity. If you care about having your family at your wedding, you make sure you can either pay for them yourself or have a wedding they can afford to attend.

SIL probably doesn't care. She's not demanding anyone go or pay for her parents.

Well, the family is seeking handouts for the parents and other broke family members.

Then OP should take it up with them. I don't know why SIL is the villain here. Not her responsibility to cater her wedding to her broke family members.

Um yes, it is SIL's responsibility since it is HER wedding. Her entitlement here is astounding. If she truly didn't want even her parents at her wedding she could elope. Or she could say "we're getting married in Bali because its where we met, but we're going to have a dinner to celebrate with family when we return. If you want to join us we'd love to see you in Bali but realize that isn't possible for everyone and we want to celebrate with you when we're back." Especially with COVID there are non-$ related reasons that reasonable people might not want to make a long and expensive international trip. OP doesn't say if any of the family have young kids but that would be another valid reason not to go to an expensive destination wedding, even for close family.

tell them to do gofundme then

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement is insanity. If you care about having your family at your wedding, you make sure you can either pay for them yourself or have a wedding they can afford to attend.

SIL probably doesn't care. She's not demanding anyone go or pay for her parents.

Well, the family is seeking handouts for the parents and other broke family members.

Then OP should take it up with them. I don't know why SIL is the villain here. Not her responsibility to cater her wedding to her broke family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement is insanity. If you care about having your family at your wedding, you make sure you can either pay for them yourself or have a wedding they can afford to attend.

SIL probably doesn't care. She's not demanding anyone go or pay for her parents.

Well, the family is seeking handouts for the parents and other broke family members.

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement is insanity. If you care about having your family at your wedding, you make sure you can either pay for them yourself or have a wedding they can afford to attend.

SIL probably doesn't care. She's not demanding anyone go or pay for her parents.

The entitlement is insanity. If you care about having your family at your wedding, you make sure you can either pay for them yourself or have a wedding they can afford to attend.

SIL is likely feeling bitter and petulant that her parents didn’t plan to be able to pay for her wedding. Plus she probably doesn’t want to look like a pauper with no dowry to her in-laws so they plan for this small but expensive destination. SIL probably knows it would be a stretch for her parents but since she’s pissed about picking up the whole tab herself she’s. It going to lift a finger to pay for her non-contributing parents.