Anonymous wrote:Peppermint flavored booze isn’t exactly the type of alcohol imaging people drinking secret quantities of. But I do think where there is smoke there is fire. Something’s up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peppermint Schnapps might not be hard alcohol. It can be 30 proof. Vodka is like 100 proof.

It is peppermint vodka

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through confronting this type of situation with my own spouse. I suspected closet drinking a number of times over a period of a few years. Spouse gaslighted - told me I was crazy, said I was imagining things, denied things/behaviors I knew seemed off, etc. Finally, spouse got busted in an undeniable way and has since gone through treatment.

This is someone who functioned at a very high level at work, continued to work out/exercise, was very much in control of alcohol in social situations (i.e., not the drunk at the party), but who was trying to soothe depression and anxiety with hidden drinking (which only made said depression and anxiety worse). Spouse emotionally withdrew from marriage and family until mental health and secret drinking spiraled...it all came to light with one very bad decision that could have irreversibly destroyed our family. It took many months for our family to get back on track. And rebuilding trust was/has been a serious ongoing challenge giving the lying and gaslighting over many years.

I did all the things suggested above...asked about my suspicions casually (made jokes about it, even), expressed my support and concern, angrily demanded explanations, secretly marked bottles to catch spouse in bad behavior, studied credit card bills to track activity/spending, etc. It wasn't until spouse lost control and couldn't deny it any longer that it finally came to light.

I'm not saying this is what's happening with your husband, but I am suggesting you take this concern seriously. Once I got through the initial shock of acknowledging I was married to someone with an alcohol use disorder, I chose to approach this from the perspective of wanting to support the spouse through treatment and work hard to rebuild our relationship. But as I quickly learned, it wasn't my problem to fix so while spouse sought professional help, I concurrently focused on protecting/healing myself and my kids.

Just know that AUD is a broad spectrum and takes many forms. Make no mistake...hiding alcohol and drinking alone is disordered use of alcohol.

Hiding alcohol in the woodshed or garage or car is classic AUD. Day drinking and drinking in the shower at 11:00 am again is classic AUD.

It is not uncommon for many long term drinkers to have consumed a lot of alcohol but not appear drunk.

OP take things day by day. Is your husband open to seeing a professional therapist himself? Generally couples therapy is not recommended
when one part of the couple is actively "using." If your husband can get a handle on his compulsions then couples therapy might be warranted but individual therapy is probably more helpful for both you you now.

Anonymous wrote:I went through confronting this type of situation with my own spouse. I suspected closet drinking a number of times over a period of a few years. Spouse gaslighted - told me I was crazy, said I was imagining things, denied things/behaviors I knew seemed off, etc. Finally, spouse got busted in an undeniable way and has since gone through treatment.

This is someone who functioned at a very high level at work, continued to work out/exercise, was very much in control of alcohol in social situations (i.e., not the drunk at the party), but who was trying to soothe depression and anxiety with hidden drinking (which only made said depression and anxiety worse). Spouse emotionally withdrew from marriage and family until mental health and secret drinking spiraled...it all came to light with one very bad decision that could have irreversibly destroyed our family. It took many months for our family to get back on track. And rebuilding trust was/has been a serious ongoing challenge giving the lying and gaslighting over many years.

I did all the things suggested above...asked about my suspicions casually (made jokes about it, even), expressed my support and concern, angrily demanded explanations, secretly marked bottles to catch spouse in bad behavior, studied credit card bills to track activity/spending, etc. It wasn't until spouse lost control and couldn't deny it any longer that it finally came to light.

I'm not saying this is what's happening with your husband, but I am suggesting you take this concern seriously. Once I got through the initial shock of acknowledging I was married to someone with an alcohol use disorder, I chose to approach this from the perspective of wanting to support the spouse through treatment and work hard to rebuild our relationship. But as I quickly learned, it wasn't my problem to fix so while spouse sought professional help, I concurrently focused on protecting/healing myself and my kids.

Just know that AUD is a broad spectrum and takes many forms. Make no mistake...hiding alcohol and drinking alone is disordered use of alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say nothing and incognito mark how much is left now. Every day I'd check to see if any is missing. When it gets empty say hey I saw it took you 2 days to finish off that vodka, what gives? Do you need help? Or it took you 6 months to finish off that vodka why didn't you just tell me you wanted some instead of hiding it?

This.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My gut was right. He said it was his second bottle this month and he doesn't know why. He said he hasn't been drunk but having a glass secretly in the shower (he showers immediately before bed) or taking sips at other times like before he comes upstairs afterwork or while he walks the dog or while hes watering the garden. He said he put it in the freezer after I cleaned it out and was felt relieved that I found it because it wa sweighing heavily on him. Idk where we go from here.

Anonymous wrote:I’d drink if I had a spouse like OP too

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My gut was right. He said it was his second bottle this month and he doesn't know why. He said he hasn't been drunk but having a glass secretly in the shower (he showers immediately before bed) or taking sips at other times like before he comes upstairs afterwork or while he walks the dog or while hes watering the garden. He said he put it in the freezer after I cleaned it out and was felt relieved that I found it because it wa sweighing heavily on him. Idk where we go from here.

Hmm so yo decided to have this conversation less than 5 hours from your initial post where you just didn't know what to do and you're back on DCUm instead of chatting with him.

I smell a troll or you have way bigger issues than some peppermint alcohol

She says in the op she plans to talk to him this afternoon. I don’t think this a troll.