Anonymous wrote:Having to justify not picking things up? Sounds more than a little controlling. Wonder what attracted you to this guy n the first place. Sounds like an over- bearing person, instead of a true partner.

One last post before I go to bed. Sounds like Op has a pattern of being messy and it annoys him. I get that. I’m more organized than my spouse and sometimes I get frustrated.

However, even if OP had dropped the entire bag of chips onto the floor on purpose, stomped on them to crumble them into the rug, and then made no effort to clean them at all, she would not deserve to be spoken to the way he spoke to her. It sounds like she made an effort to pick them up and missed one, then forgot about the whole thing once ex-Bf was awake and she could vacuum. That’s very different from her just leaving a pile of chips.

Now, idk what she said that directly led to him saying he was done with her, but it sounds like he was yelling about punishing her for this which is…kind of weird. OP, does he usually use language like that? OP says he accused her of being controlling and I have no idea, maybe she is, but he sounds controlling too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read any of the responses. OP, he is either completely crazy, or a calculated abuser.

Your biggest worry now is that he might try to "win you back". Don't fall for it.

When you fall for it, remember this post the next time he hurts you. He is doing it on purpose because he is a sicko. Leave him and move on.

Op well, one, he said he hates me so I don’t think he’ll be trying to win me back.

Two, I don’t think he is a sicko! There were certainly things he did I found rude or annoying prior to the breakup but I never once felt verbally abused like that.

He is 100% the kind of guy that's going to come back and apologize to you. And you are 100% the kind of girl that will keep going back. I can tell by your posts.

Sadly, you are correct.

Actually I think he’s a bit harder to pin down than 100% - his behavior the night of her birthday seems a bit erratic and unpredictable. OP seems sensitive though and yes, I agree would go back given the chance. Part of that is conditioning though.

I do think you can be a good person even if you did one bad thing. And the ex clearly knows what he did is…horrific, to say the least, if he’s lying to his parents so they can’t figure out the timeline of him dumping her on her bday. So, that would suggest he’s thinking “shit, that was bad…I can’t let Mom know I did that” but no remorse for what he actually said to OP. Would bet dollars to donuts he’s soft launching the breakup to his parents, which he SHOULD because OP says they are nice so I doubt they would be thrilled with their ds’ behavior here.

He also really did not need to go that hard, on her birthday or otherwise. I agree with PP’s theory that he was trying to completely close the door on him and OP ever getting back together but if she kept crying and refusing to accept a breakup, refusing to leave….the car? It sounds like he did this in a car which is also crazy - anyway if OP refused or kept contacting him and trying to get back together he could just ignore. What actually pisses me off for her is that it sounds like he dumped her randomly and expected her to just be like “Okay. Goodbye.” and immediately disappear. It’s like he’s never broken up with someone before!

And the fact that this was on her birthday, after a nice night out, is just nasty. OP refers to the fact that they’d been working on things for a couple weeks. If he was unhappy he had ample opportunity to do it before her birthday or, idk, not dump her over some spilled chips on her birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I broke up with a woman moons ago and to this day, she has no idea why. But it was her mother. There was no way I could be married to this woman and have the mother in my life for the next 40 years. There was no way I could explain it to the girlfriend, so I just made up other excuses.

I am not saying this is at all parallel, but sometimes things happen and there is no easy way out.

That’s actually fair, but we’re not talking about him making excuses. Did you read the shit he said to her?

No, it's not fair. It's also cruel. I had a boyfriend ghost me many years ago - I STILL wonder why. If he had given me a reason, I would never have thought of him again.

Sorry, I phrased that poorly. I meant the reasoning is fair. Not the way he went about breaking up. Though I think giving no reason or lying, while bad, is less bad than verbally abusing your gf.

Anonymous wrote:girl you dodged a bullet. and you’re 29!

This! This breakup is a blessing. Thank God you did not marry him. You are only 29! Forget him. Don’t look back!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read any of the responses. OP, he is either completely crazy, or a calculated abuser.

Your biggest worry now is that he might try to "win you back". Don't fall for it.

When you fall for it, remember this post the next time he hurts you. He is doing it on purpose because he is a sicko. Leave him and move on.

Op well, one, he said he hates me so I don’t think he’ll be trying to win me back.

Two, I don’t think he is a sicko! There were certainly things he did I found rude or annoying prior to the breakup but I never once felt verbally abused like that.

He is 100% the kind of guy that's going to come back and apologize to you. And you are 100% the kind of girl that will keep going back. I can tell by your posts.

Sadly, you are correct.

I haven’t read the whole thread but needed to respond to OP to say that your ex sounds like a narcissist. I can’t help but think that all this work you were doing on the relationship was you doing the dance of fawning and codependency and doing your best to ignore the signs and red flags telling you he is bad news and your life with him would be toxic and soul-crushing.

But if you weren’t thinking those things, you most definitely should be now. His behavior on that night was UNFORGIVABLE. Please move on and forward with focus on your own mental health. Take a break from being part of an us and just be you for a little while. A much better man will come along when you aren’t even looking.

Maybe he’s after another woman or he has a brain injury or a psychological disorder…..I can’t imagine any others reason to justify acting the way he did.

Op my life began at 30! Yours will too. Sorry for the terrible
Way
You’ve been treated but you can and will move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read any of the responses. OP, he is either completely crazy, or a calculated abuser.

Your biggest worry now is that he might try to "win you back". Don't fall for it.

When you fall for it, remember this post the next time he hurts you. He is doing it on purpose because he is a sicko. Leave him and move on.

Op well, one, he said he hates me so I don’t think he’ll be trying to win me back.

Two, I don’t think he is a sicko! There were certainly things he did I found rude or annoying prior to the breakup but I never once felt verbally abused like that.

He is 100% the kind of guy that's going to come back and apologize to you. And you are 100% the kind of girl that will keep going back. I can tell by your posts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I broke up with a woman moons ago and to this day, she has no idea why. But it was her mother. There was no way I could be married to this woman and have the mother in my life for the next 40 years. There was no way I could explain it to the girlfriend, so I just made up other excuses.

I am not saying this is at all parallel, but sometimes things happen and there is no easy way out.

That’s actually fair, but we’re not talking about him making excuses. Did you read the shit he said to her?

No, it's not fair. It's also cruel. I had a boyfriend ghost me many years ago - I STILL wonder why. If he had given me a reason, I would never have thought of him again.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I broke up with a woman moons ago and to this day, she has no idea why. But it was her mother. There was no way I could be married to this woman and have the mother in my life for the next 40 years. There was no way I could explain it to the girlfriend, so I just made up other excuses.

I am not saying this is at all parallel, but sometimes things happen and there is no easy way out.

You are a d_ck.

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that he did this to sever all ties quickly and efficiently: Didn't want you two getting back together, so he figured he'd do something beyond insane thinking you would be fine with never speaking to him again.

And that's not cool.

This. As much as this saying annoys me...the cruelty was the point.

My theory is that he did this to sever all ties quickly and efficiently: Didn't want you two getting back together, so he figured he'd do something beyond insane thinking you would be fine with never speaking to him again.

And that's not cool.

I will take your word for it that you are flawed. You surely are, we all are. Doesn't mean you deserved that.

girl you dodged a bullet. and you’re 29!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all have break ups. You’re not special, move on.

Okay the sheer number of posts with similar syntax/phrases makes me think the psycho ex is posting.

Also. A breakup on her bday where he said I hate you seems a bit beyond a normal breakup, no?

Yeah, you’ve figured it out. The “psycho ex” is posting.