Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 17:43     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.


What is wrong with people on this board?


Clearly, they are sensitive about their weight.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 17:01     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Your SIL is exactly like my sister. NOTHING will change until she decides herself. I’ve offered to pay for a trainer, a nutrition coach, buy a peloton, etc and my sister always says no. She’s 350 lbs and 5 ft 5 and is a NP so she knows very well she’s very unhealthy. She now has diabetes.

I love my sister and support her but it pains me to see her like this. But there is nothing I can do but be ready to offer more support whenever she’s ready.

I’m sorry Op.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 16:58     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could buy them a six-month subscription to Blue Apron or similar?


This is a good idea. Make it about the DH trying to get healthy. Make the subscription something as easy as possible to eat so SIL will start eating it. DH should refuse to get her junk food on the way home.


OP here. I like this idea. But it only works if all are on board. Including her.


Only he needs to be on board. He comes home and makes dinner.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 16:56     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Her husband needs to take control of his own diet. He's delusional if he thinks he can't control it.

He needs to figure it out and take charge of his OWN eating.

Make freezer meals.

Maybe eat a big healthy lunch out, and a small easy healthy dinner that doesn't take time to prep (hummus and celery, cold sandwich, etc).

Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 16:47     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.



SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!


Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.


No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.


Funny how that is all you got out of the thread.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 16:10     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.



SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!


Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.


No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 16:10     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:For any non-jerk people who are thinking an "intervention" is the right thing to do for an obese family member, please do not. It is not going to help and is only going to ruin any trust your beloved family member might have in you. Imagine the futility of trying to stage an intervention for a heavy smoker after 25 years. What do you imagine you could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? Smoking is bad for your health? I worry about you? Let's throw those cigs out together! A smoker or fat person is not living under a rock where they somehow need information from you to break their addiction and make better choices.

No matter what you personally believe about obese people (lazy, gross, stupid, mentally ill, genetically doomed, etc) the FACT is that very, very few people manage to lose a significant amount of weight and even fewer manage to keep it off forever. (Five percent, maybe? Someone will correct me, I'm sure.) And those successful unicorns are very, very personally motivated to do it. There is no way that someone who is already resistant to discussing the subject with their physicians and spouse is going to somehow magically be enlightened and transformed by the wisdom and well meaning interference by some in-law. It's just not helpful and only creates bad feelings (shame, anger, resentment).

Please continue to love your fat relatives, build loving and caring relationships that enable them to trust and confide in you, and work through any uncharitable thoughts in a way that helps you to be peaceful and accepting. Compassion is a gift to everyone.


Don't be so sure. My husband is fat and he goes through incredible mental gymnastics to convince himself and everyone around that 1. He did not really eat it and 2. Even tough he ate it, he didn't eat that much, so it doesn't matter. Like gulping a bottle of Gatorade and being shocked that it has calories... well, it says right there on the label. Or getting something that has 50 calories per serving (it's almost nothing!), but ignoring the fact that the suggested "serving" is tiny. Or sticking a spoon into the peanut butter jar every 30 minutes, but "it's just a spoonful". So I call him out on that because while I can deal with him being fat, it's really annoying to hear how he does everything possible and still can't lose weight. My MIL is the same way - perpetually on a diet, reads all she can about diets, and eats like a 300 lbs football player because between being low carb one day and vegetarian the next day, she manages to devour a week worth of meat and potatoes.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:51     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
NP here. I don’t know WHAT is going on in this thread. I read most of posts and skimmer others. It seems like one or multiple people are really really ticked off by OP’s post and felt need to lash out at her.

Regardless of weight, issue is the lifestyle has led to serious health issues.

Anyway, OP, this is not your business in terms of doing something or intervention, especially since you mentioned your SIL has never brought it up with you. It would be a violation of boundaries for you to intervene without your SIL’s invitation. Therefore you need to defer this back to your SIL’s husband. He needs to figure this out with his wife. If he is so busy and would like home cooked meals there are cooked delivery services out there. I frequently place these for my own family. They are pricier but if he has the means and this is such a big issue that he is talking about it with you then this should be no problem.

Also, you guys need to stop talking about SIL weight and food topic behind her back. Just a NO. If DH brings it up you shut it down and say “we are sorry this is so hard but you have to speak directly to your wife about this. We love you both it’s not our place to get involved.”

Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:34     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the whole thread, which I'm sure is a nightmare, but it seems like the answer is for DH to start cooking healthy meals for the family.


It is! And you are correct.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:27     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like this SIL has had some mental health and sensory issues for decades and you felt no need to do anything. Why you suddenly would get involved now seems bizarre. This woman likely needed feeding therapy as a kid. Pretty tough to do now that she is over 30 years old.

And how did her DH think they would raise a child to have good eating habits in this environment???

My hsuband and I are both overweight despite pretty healthy eating. It is way more complicated than people think.


+1. I have a nephew who went through significant childhood trauma. He eats less variety than your SIL. He is getting feeding therapy now at 10 but it is so very difficult to change his ingrained behaviors. The idea that someone who has never had eating issues should be staging an intervention is ridiculous.


My child with medical and digestive issues has been in feeding therapy for over 5 years now and does eat better than this but I can tell you every therapist we have worked with has told us feeding issues are among the hardest to over come. It’s unlikely she’s going to change if she doesn’t want to. I think you can support your BIL and he can get a healthy meal delivery service but there is probably something very deep seated going on with your SIL that you will never understand. I have read dozen of books about selective eating and feeding disorders and attended therapy with my child for years so still don’t really understand. I hope eventually they will fare better than this but we will have spent hundreds of hours in therapy and tens of thousands of dollars to get them there.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:26     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
I didn't read the whole thread, which I'm sure is a nightmare, but it seems like the answer is for DH to start cooking healthy meals for the family.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:06     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:For any non-jerk people who are thinking an "intervention" is the right thing to do for an obese family member, please do not. It is not going to help and is only going to ruin any trust your beloved family member might have in you. Imagine the futility of trying to stage an intervention for a heavy smoker after 25 years. What do you imagine you could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? Smoking is bad for your health? I worry about you? Let's throw those cigs out together! A smoker or fat person is not living under a rock where they somehow need information from you to break their addiction and make better choices.

No matter what you personally believe about obese people (lazy, gross, stupid, mentally ill, genetically doomed, etc) the FACT is that very, very few people manage to lose a significant amount of weight and even fewer manage to keep it off forever. (Five percent, maybe? Someone will correct me, I'm sure.) And those successful unicorns are very, very personally motivated to do it. There is no way that someone who is already resistant to discussing the subject with their physicians and spouse is going to somehow magically be enlightened and transformed by the wisdom and well meaning interference by some in-law. It's just not helpful and only creates bad feelings (shame, anger, resentment).

Please continue to love your fat relatives, build loving and caring relationships that enable them to trust and confide in you, and work through any uncharitable thoughts in a way that helps you to be peaceful and accepting. Compassion is a gift to everyone.



Amazing response PP. This should be the only feedback given to posters, ever, to this type of question.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:03     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Troll post….basically fat shaming bingo.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 15:02     Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
You know what will happen if you and DH interfere, right? She will never trust you or eat in front of you again. She will stop attending family events. Your BIL is trying to use you to shame her into changing. It won’t work.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2022 14:37     Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like this SIL has had some mental health and sensory issues for decades and you felt no need to do anything. Why you suddenly would get involved now seems bizarre. This woman likely needed feeding therapy as a kid. Pretty tough to do now that she is over 30 years old.

And how did her DH think they would raise a child to have good eating habits in this environment???

My hsuband and I are both overweight despite pretty healthy eating. It is way more complicated than people think.


+1. I have a nephew who went through significant childhood trauma. He eats less variety than your SIL. He is getting feeding therapy now at 10 but it is so very difficult to change his ingrained behaviors. The idea that someone who has never had eating issues should be staging an intervention is ridiculous.