I work because I enjoy it and find it fulfilling. I was a SAHM for a year, due to a strange confluence of circumstances, and - although it coincided with the pandemic and I'm sure it was a factor - I really didn't like it. I'm not a very patient parent and I thrive when I have a village of support to help with the tough parts of it. I also find staying at home isolating. I really enjoy my job and my career and, while I took a year or two out of the workforce at first, that's as much of a gap as I could handle. I don't plan to have a second kid but if I did, I would only take 6 months leave, even if more was offered paid.


Financially I don't have to work, per se; we live in a house that's less expensive than what we could afford, and one of our biggest expenses is childcare. But it's a major lifestyle upgrade to have two six-figure incomes.

Anonymous wrote:Well, life is expensive and unpredictable, for one. But I also work for my mental health. My youngest has special needs and the early years in school were rough as we got on the path to an IEP and the right mix of therapies. Work has been an amazing, wonderful distraction on some really hard days. Sometimes I feel like I can do nothing right in my personal life and then have an amazing day at work and that is such a good feeling, to feel like I have a purpose and am good at something.

Another SN working mom here—with two autistic kids.

I agree that working has helped ground me and give a sense of purpose. I think I’d be even more stressed if all I had to think about were my kids.

So I assumed the OP is trying to decide what she wants to do, work outside the home or be a stay at home mom. Why would so many of you working moms jump to the conclusion that her question is an attack on you and deserves your disdain, snark and insults? Not the best way to convey your beliefs and make a case for what you value.

Anonymous wrote:Heart Surgeon Mommy pops up on every one of these threads to remind us all of how important she is. It's a little weird, and a little sad, I must say.

I find it sadder and weirder that these threads keep popping up…

I have a progressive disease. Doing ok now but may not be in a few years. Trying to contribute financially for as long as I can so that the burden won't be as heavy on my DH and kids.

Anonymous wrote:Heart Surgeon Mommy pops up on every one of these threads to remind us all of how important she is. It's a little weird, and a little sad, I must say.

You sound jealous and bitter. Heart surgeon mom is a badass, full stop. There is no question her contribution is extremely valuable and she is, in fact, important. And no, I am not her.

Because im the breadwinner

I went back after 5 years at home, when my youngest turned one. I enjoyed being a sahm but it is a lot of work with multiple young kids and I got a little burnt out doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. I also really wanted to build a career of my own that I could be proud of and it’s nice to go into an office and have responsibilities outside of my home life.

I also feel like I get more respect from my friends who work and have kids. This isn’t why I went back but it feels good. Honestly though, I actually feel like I get more down time and time to relax now that I work!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God forbid your spouse might pass. What will you do?

My husband has a $5m life insurance policy.

We also have about $10m in savings.

What happens if he has an affair and has other children with th affair partner? So many life variables.

Because it is really important for me to earn a good living. Me, independently of my spouse. And I am proud of what I’ve achieved.

I know what it’s like to have nothing. I will never forget what it felt like and I won’t take any risks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked all my life - seriously, from age five - to become a musician. I love my children but not playing has never been an option for me. It’s part of my soul.

+1. I don’t know if any artist who gives it up because they had children. It’s a life-long dedicated vocation.

Well I guess you haven't met me. Haven't had the time to work since my oldest was born. Maybe once my kids are in HS I will find the time and space I need to dedicate to my work.

Why do people think that not working in an office 9-5 means you are sitting at home? Is this what these drones would do with their time?

To give bored women like you something to ponder and gossip about, of course!

Anonymous wrote:I worked all my life - seriously, from age five - to become a musician. I love my children but not playing has never been an option for me. It’s part of my soul.

+1. I don’t know if any artist who gives it up because they had children. It’s a life-long dedicated vocation.

Anonymous wrote:Well, life is expensive and unpredictable, for one. But I also work for my mental health. My youngest has special needs and the early years in school were rough as we got on the path to an IEP and the right mix of therapies. Work has been an amazing, wonderful distraction on some really hard days. Sometimes I feel like I can do nothing right in my personal life and then have an amazing day at work and that is such a good feeling, to feel like I have a purpose and am good at something.

Ha! PP here but I could have written this too - it is nice to be good at things and with my SN kid in particular I have had periods of serious self doubt and anxiety. So being good at work was a nice reminder I am generally pretty competent. I had to cut back to deal with the appointments but I’m glad I didn’t stop entirely.