Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is going to be engaged shortly and we’re very close. I’m 5 years older than him, with two children, and 7 years older than his girlfriend. I hope to god she doesn’t make me a bridesmaid, and just has me walk down the aisle and take a seat. We are very friendly, I love her for my brother, but we just don’t have that relationship I’m sure she has with her close girlfriends or other family (she doesn’t have sisters). I just don’t have time for all that bridesmaid stuff right now. I would be miffed if they opt out of a flower girl/ring boy bc I would want my kids to do that once.

Miffed? Grow up. Your brother's wedding is about him -- not your kid.

Wow, an even more narcissistic take than OP's. Congratulations, I guess?

Anonymous wrote:How many attendants are they having?

Did we ever get an answer here?

This could easily be a one attendant per side wedding.

Either way, not a big deal especially with the age difference, although I personally would have made a different choice, and if I were OP’s brother, would have insisted on a different choice.

DH has two sisters and one brother. One sister lived in Australia when we married and was not able to come to the wedding. I have one sister. DH had his brother and his best friend on his side and I had my sister and my best friend on my side. We did not consider adding on more attendants and there was no friction between me and DH’s sister that was at the wedding. It was a non-issue.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who says that the only sister of the groom not being included is fine has no sense of care at all. Especially given that the only brother is included.

Getting married is about the bride and groom and bringing two families together.

Does no one teach decency any more. And no I'm not a grandma.

Oh, the drama. Unless you enter into an arranged marriage, marriage is not about bringing two families together. If it were, you can bet that I'd want input into such an impactful decision.

I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and wasn't in any of my brothers' weddings nor did I have my DH's sister in my wedding party. No one's feelings were hurt. We recognized the choice of attendant was up to the bride/groom. Likewise, my DD was not an attendant at her brother's wedding. No big deal. It's enough that my DS has a good partner.

Frankly, I think the whole wedding party thing is ridiculous. If I were to get married today, or even just a couple of years after I did, I wouldn't have a wedding party.
P⁰
Also, OP, be relieved you aren't in it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are ridiculous. If anything, be pissed you weren’t included on the grooms side. My best friend was a groomswoman at her brothers wedding and I’ve seen this a lot. If you’re important to the groom’s side, he should have you there. Don’t expect to usurp her friends.

+1. At the end of the day, OP’s brother did not think it was important to include her. That’s on him, not his future wife.

This is the crux of it. But everyone, including OP, is letting the groom off the hook here.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has no siblings. Maybe she doesn't want the bridal party to seem lopsided to his side of the family.

According to OP there is one brother and one sister (OP). That could never be described as lopsided.

And who the eff cares about the bride and who’s important to her, right?

Again, it’s a mature life lesson. If you really mean your vows, this person will be in your life forever, and you’re going to slight them so your sorority sister that you see once a year can be in your wedding party because you want your bachelorette party to be so lit!

OMFG the entitlement. No where in my vows did it say anything about my sister in law. Get over yourself.

I wonder if this “mean your vows” poster is the same person who seems to believe you’re breaking your vows if you don’t tell your husband every single tiny thing, including things about your friends that they’ve told you in confidence.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So she should bump one of her best friends from the wedding to fit you into a limited number of attendants? If this was so important to your brother, he could have included you in some other way.

Yeah, one of her best friends at age 24 that she won’t speak to by the time she’s 35. 🙄 This a life lesson for this bride. Your spouse to be has 1 sibling, you include that person in the wedding, because if you are lucky that person will be in your life forever, as opposed to the fleeting friendships of your early 20s.

+1. So true. If it weren’t for social media, I would know where half of my wedding party was. My SIL? I see her at every holiday, birthday, and funeral. Our daughters are in the same grade in the same school and best friends. I’m glad my SIL is in my wedding pictures.

NP- I talk to all five of my bridesmaids almost every day, certainly at least once a week. I see my SIL once every few years. People have different situations. There is no right or wrong answer.

Hmmm…. There kind of is one right answer - OP, as the only sister on either side should be included.

God we can all tell what kind of SIL you posters are

I’m a good one, PP. I just know what’s right. Both my brothers wives had me in their weddings and I appreciated the inclusion. I love them both - we’re family.

You know what’s “right”?

Insufferable

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she should bump one of her best friends from the wedding to fit you into a limited number of attendants? If this was so important to your brother, he could have included you in some other way.

Yeah, one of her best friends at age 24 that she won’t speak to by the time she’s 35. 🙄 This a life lesson for this bride. Your spouse to be has 1 sibling, you include that person in the wedding, because if you are lucky that person will be in your life forever, as opposed to the fleeting friendships of your early 20s.

If the brother - the groom - didn’t tell her to prioritize this, why should she?

Given that age difference, honestly, why would she want you at the bachelorette, etc.? If you were in the party, she would feel obligated to include you in everything.

If anyone “slighted you” (they didn’t) it was your flesh and blood: your brother.

Be relieved! I always hated being in weddings. Such a waste of money. I'd rather give a generous gift, wear my own dress and dance and enjoy as I celebrate a happy couple. The marching orders emails and texts, all the travel, costs and demands are not what one should do to a friend. I eloped and had a party-no torturing friends and family so I could be princess.

If you and your brother are very close, he can include you in his own attendants, if you both want that?

Anonymous wrote:I would be grateful.

My reaction was NO to being a sister of groom bridesmaid in a wedding with well over 5 bridesmaids. Parental pressure forced me and it meant my own wedding had to increase the bridesmaids count plus include sister of DH. That changed the scope of the wedding party and because they were "family" their opinions and wants on dresses etc became monstrous. We lost control of our own wedding from the wedding party to seat charts to scope of guest list. The play along finally hit home when my mother saw the 2 performing at a bridal salon on dresses. That went from my friends being able to pick out their own cocktail or tea length to keeping those 2 happy. The DH family and my brother + wife grew the guest list...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would she include you? You're not her friend. Why can't you stand up for your brother?

Because that’s not how it works. Op are you and your brother close? Can you or your mom say something to him?

Frankly I would be annoyed

Hello, Hester! It’s nice of you to join us in 2022. Wow, that ride on the time machine from the 1930s must have been scary for you! These days, women do, in fact, stand up with male relatives and friends. Enjoy your stay! When you go back, try to kill Hitler, OK?

THREAD WINNER

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is ridiculous. Totally ridiculous and entitled.

OP said thank and good bye pages ago, you idiot. She agreed it was no big deal and chalked it up to being older than the bride.

Jesus, people, read and try to comprehend before posting!

Surrrreeeeee. Calling people an idiot twice in rapid succession as a sock puppet, OP? Not a good look.