Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry this guy? Were you not thinking straight? or Did you marry for money?

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Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't want to cook dinner every night (you said you want to eat food that somebody else makes), tell your DH that it isn't working for you and, going forward, you will cook 3-4 nights a week and the other nights he either cooks or takes you out. There is no reason - none, zero - you should be doing all the cooking when you both work.

Sure there is - I don't have a commute and can start dinner on time.

Are you really still currently treating your anxiety/depression? Therapy and meds? If you’ve slacked off, you need to reach out to your team and schedule a therapy session to make a plan to be less lonely, and maybe to see if this dosage is right for your needs at the current time.

You’re being contrary, negative, defeatist, and you’re making lots of excuses why you can’t change. If that’s the real you, okay, but if that’s not who you are, start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. No one else can do it for you. You sound like you’re in a really bad place and it would be a shame if you start pushing people further away.

No, I think this is just how I am. I admit I let people run all over me so I don't bother them and get in their way, so it's very difficult to find a solution to things that works for ME, because it usually means it doesn't work for the other person. Therapy hasn't helped with that.

So what do you want? Do you want to pull yourself up to an enjoyable state, pull him down into unhappiness too, or keep things how they are and vent here but not change? I’m sure that sounds sarcastic but it’s a real question. It’s just that when people post, they’re usually looking for solutions, but sometimes it’s more about venting than changing. It’ll help people know how to respond if we know your goals.

I want to find a way to be happy in a life that isn't what I would have chosen had I known, I suppose.

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Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't want to cook dinner every night (you said you want to eat food that somebody else makes), tell your DH that it isn't working for you and, going forward, you will cook 3-4 nights a week and the other nights he either cooks or takes you out. There is no reason - none, zero - you should be doing all the cooking when you both work.

Sure there is - I don't have a commute and can start dinner on time.

Are you really still currently treating your anxiety/depression? Therapy and meds? If you’ve slacked off, you need to reach out to your team and schedule a therapy session to make a plan to be less lonely, and maybe to see if this dosage is right for your needs at the current time.

You’re being contrary, negative, defeatist, and you’re making lots of excuses why you can’t change. If that’s the real you, okay, but if that’s not who you are, start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. No one else can do it for you. You sound like you’re in a really bad place and it would be a shame if you start pushing people further away.

No, I think this is just how I am. I admit I let people run all over me so I don't bother them and get in their way, so it's very difficult to find a solution to things that works for ME, because it usually means it doesn't work for the other person. Therapy hasn't helped with that.

So what do you want? Do you want to pull yourself up to an enjoyable state, pull him down into unhappiness too, or keep things how they are and vent here but not change? I’m sure that sounds sarcastic but it’s a real question. It’s just that when people post, they’re usually looking for solutions, but sometimes it’s more about venting than changing. It’ll help people know how to respond if we know your goals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't want to cook dinner every night (you said you want to eat food that somebody else makes), tell your DH that it isn't working for you and, going forward, you will cook 3-4 nights a week and the other nights he either cooks or takes you out. There is no reason - none, zero - you should be doing all the cooking when you both work.

Sure there is - I don't have a commute and can start dinner on time.

Are you really still currently treating your anxiety/depression? Therapy and meds? If you’ve slacked off, you need to reach out to your team and schedule a therapy session to make a plan to be less lonely, and maybe to see if this dosage is right for your needs at the current time.

You’re being contrary, negative, defeatist, and you’re making lots of excuses why you can’t change. If that’s the real you, okay, but if that’s not who you are, start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. No one else can do it for you. You sound like you’re in a really bad place and it would be a shame if you start pushing people further away.

No, I think this is just how I am. I admit I let people run all over me so I don't bother them and get in their way, so it's very difficult to find a solution to things that works for ME, because it usually means it doesn't work for the other person. Therapy hasn't helped with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't want to cook dinner every night (you said you want to eat food that somebody else makes), tell your DH that it isn't working for you and, going forward, you will cook 3-4 nights a week and the other nights he either cooks or takes you out. There is no reason - none, zero - you should be doing all the cooking when you both work.

Sure there is - I don't have a commute and can start dinner on time.

Are you really still currently treating your anxiety/depression? Therapy and meds? If you’ve slacked off, you need to reach out to your team and schedule a therapy session to make a plan to be less lonely, and maybe to see if this dosage is right for your needs at the current time.

You’re being contrary, negative, defeatist, and you’re making lots of excuses why you can’t change. If that’s the real you, okay, but if that’s not who you are, start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. No one else can do it for you. You sound like you’re in a really bad place and it would be a shame if you start pushing people further away.

No, I think this is just how I am. I admit I let people run all over me so I don't bother them and get in their way, so it's very difficult to find a solution to things that works for ME, because it usually means it doesn't work for the other person. Therapy hasn't helped with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people understand what it's like to be a trailing spouse. I can't make friends. I work. Full time. I am at my computer from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night. Everyone said I'd meet people when the kids started school, but that's dumb and hasn't happened - I drop them off, pick them up, and in four years, have never exchanged more than brief pleasantries with another parent. I have tried volunteering, but when you're generally solely responsible for childcare, that doesn't work out.

He knows I'm lonely. It's been like this the entire time we've been married. Not his fault. Mine. I thought I could handle the isolation (I'm an introvert!) but no one is ever really ready for something like this.

I get why he doesn't want to "socialize" with me - I have no life. Nothing to talk about. Conversation with me sucks ,as much as I try to be interesting, what kind of woman who sits at home all day have anything interesting to talk to about?

And yes, I also resent having to cook dinner every night.

Try establishing a remote work lunch club. Check with HR and if okay post it somewhere that others will see. Once a month invite all people who live in your area and work at the same place even if they don't do the same job. Pick a restaurant you want to try. Hopefully others will show up and you can vote who picks the next restaurant to try. Even if no one shows up you tried and you get to enjoy a lunch out with yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people understand what it's like to be a trailing spouse. I can't make friends. I work. Full time. I am at my computer from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night. Everyone said I'd meet people when the kids started school, but that's dumb and hasn't happened - I drop them off, pick them up, and in four years, have never exchanged more than brief pleasantries with another parent. I have tried volunteering, but when you're generally solely responsible for childcare, that doesn't work out.

He knows I'm lonely. It's been like this the entire time we've been married. Not his fault. Mine. I thought I could handle the isolation (I'm an introvert!) but no one is ever really ready for something like this.

I get why he doesn't want to "socialize" with me - I have no life. Nothing to talk about. Conversation with me sucks ,as much as I try to be interesting, what kind of woman who sits at home all day have anything interesting to talk to about?

And yes, I also resent having to cook dinner every night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't want to cook dinner every night (you said you want to eat food that somebody else makes), tell your DH that it isn't working for you and, going forward, you will cook 3-4 nights a week and the other nights he either cooks or takes you out. There is no reason - none, zero - you should be doing all the cooking when you both work.

Sure there is - I don't have a commute and can start dinner on time.

Are you really still currently treating your anxiety/depression? Therapy and meds? If you’ve slacked off, you need to reach out to your team and schedule a therapy session to make a plan to be less lonely, and maybe to see if this dosage is right for your needs at the current time.

You’re being contrary, negative, defeatist, and you’re making lots of excuses why you can’t change. If that’s the real you, okay, but if that’s not who you are, start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. No one else can do it for you. You sound like you’re in a really bad place and it would be a shame if you start pushing people further away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people understand what it's like to be a trailing spouse. I can't make friends. I work. Full time. I am at my computer from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night. Everyone said I'd meet people when the kids started school, but that's dumb and hasn't happened - I drop them off, pick them up, and in four years, have never exchanged more than brief pleasantries with another parent. I have tried volunteering, but when you're generally solely responsible for childcare, that doesn't work out.

He knows I'm lonely. It's been like this the entire time we've been married. Not his fault. Mine. I thought I could handle the isolation (I'm an introvert!) but no one is ever really ready for something like this.

I get why he doesn't want to "socialize" with me - I have no life. Nothing to talk about. Conversation with me sucks ,as much as I try to be interesting, what kind of woman who sits at home all day have anything interesting to talk to about?

And yes, I also resent having to cook dinner every night.

Yikes. You sound like you are in a bad place. I'm really sorry. It doesn't sound like your husband is taking your needs into consideration at all- it seems like he is treating you like a Mommy Machine who does all the stuff he doesn't want to do. And then lemme guess he can sideline your feelings all day but then expect you to be DTF as soon as the kids are asleep.

You are definitely showing signs of Depression so talk to a medical professional/therapist. Couple's Counselling is probably a good idea too.

And people on the thread who are blaming her- do you really not care about how your spouse feels at all? Luckily my DH was supportive when I was in the depths of Clinny D and not like you shower of shites.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people understand what it's like to be a trailing spouse. I can't make friends. I work. Full time. I am at my computer from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night. Everyone said I'd meet people when the kids started school, but that's dumb and hasn't happened - I drop them off, pick them up, and in four years, have never exchanged more than brief pleasantries with another parent. I have tried volunteering, but when you're generally solely responsible for childcare, that doesn't work out.

He knows I'm lonely. It's been like this the entire time we've been married. Not his fault. Mine. I thought I could handle the isolation (I'm an introvert!) but no one is ever really ready for something like this.

I get why he doesn't want to "socialize" with me - I have no life. Nothing to talk about. Conversation with me sucks ,as much as I try to be interesting, what kind of woman who sits at home all day have anything interesting to talk to about?

And yes, I also resent having to cook dinner every night.

I’m the PP who said to stop cooking and also, don’t worry about not being interesting. Be *interested*. “Interesting or interested” is the rule.

A lot of people say Stay at home moms are no fun to socialize with because all they do is take care of kids. This was actually never true for me. DH always loved talking to me. In part because I’m a good conversationalist and I know how to make what I want to say interesting, but I also read articles, books when I had the bandwidth, had interesting conversations with people online, etc. (I no longer believe that online friends don’t count, I have met so many cool oriole online who have become close friends and I have spent time with them in person.)

DH and I like to talk about fitness, economics, goal-setting, people we admire, sometimes people we don’t admire, and of course our kids. Sometimes I make him listen to me about history and celebrity gossip. He makes me listen to topics too that aren’t always fascinating to me, and we both humor each other by watching videos we find funny. I’m sure you both have interests you can talk about!

You have to start believing in yourself and your value. Keep reminding yourself that you are every bit as awesome as those you’re comparing yourself too.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people understand what it's like to be a trailing spouse. I can't make friends. I work. Full time. I am at my computer from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night. Everyone said I'd meet people when the kids started school, but that's dumb and hasn't happened - I drop them off, pick them up, and in four years, have never exchanged more than brief pleasantries with another parent. I have tried volunteering, but when you're generally solely responsible for childcare, that doesn't work out.

He knows I'm lonely. It's been like this the entire time we've been married. Not his fault. Mine. I thought I could handle the isolation (I'm an introvert!) but no one is ever really ready for something like this.

I get why he doesn't want to "socialize" with me - I have no life. Nothing to talk about. Conversation with me sucks ,as much as I try to be interesting, what kind of woman who sits at home all day have anything interesting to talk to about?

And yes, I also resent having to cook dinner every night.