Anonymous
05/23/2022 17:01
Subject: No kids wedding...except there were kids.
I've had family members have child free weddings, but they clearly communicate that they will have some close nieces and nephew in the wedding party, so there's no surprises and hurt feelings.
It's fine when couples decide on no kids on their big day, but a little curtesy and consideration for their guests go a long way.
It's fine when couples decide on no kids on their big day, but a little curtesy and consideration for their guests go a long way.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:54
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.
It depends...I would probably not bring the kids since your friend only "grudgingly" allowed it. But be clear w/ her (in a nice way of course!) that if the kids don't come, your husband won't come either. Or could you have your mom babysit the kids if your husband really wanted to go?
She wants my mom in attendance as well. The above is what I did, which is when she agreed to allow their presence at the ceremony and cocktail hour.
Then take her up on it. If she acts “grudging” between now and then:
“Lisa, you’ve invited me, my husband and my mom to this wedding. In other words, you’ve invited my ‘village.’ Which do you want to be mad about: if I don’t attend, or if my husband doesn’t attend, or if my mother doesn’t attend, or if my kids do partially attend and my husband leaves early. You can pick any of those things to be mad about, so pick one. And then stay mad, but don’t complain to me, because you have put us in literally an impossible position.”
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:48
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.
It depends...I would probably not bring the kids since your friend only "grudgingly" allowed it. But be clear w/ her (in a nice way of course!) that if the kids don't come, your husband won't come either. Or could you have your mom babysit the kids if your husband really wanted to go?
She wants my mom in attendance as well. The above is what I did, which is when she agreed to allow their presence at the ceremony and cocktail hour.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:45
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
If not bringing your kids was a huge deal I’d ask about it before I agreed to be in the wedding party.
Give me a break. I’m one of two bridesmaids and have known the bride since we were two. I offered to keep the whole family home in DC and come on my own but got grief about not having my husband attend. So I can’t win. Besides, we didn’t discuss her policy on kids when she asked me to be in the wedding. It wasn’t foremost in anyone’s mind.
Then just don’t be in the wedding, this is not your day to whine and complain. It’s her day, she decides what she wants and if you can’t accept that then stay home. Whiny wedding party members are the worst
+1. Bride and groom get to make the guest list. You have the right to attend or decline if that guest list doesn’t include your spouse, kids, dog, or your favorite aunt sally. Not your guest list. You get to have a guest list for your own wedding.
Then the bride doesn’t get to pout when people don’t want to come.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:43
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.
It depends...I would probably not bring the kids since your friend only "grudgingly" allowed it. But be clear w/ her (in a nice way of course!) that if the kids don't come, your husband won't come either. Or could you have your mom babysit the kids if your husband really wanted to go?
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:41
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.
I agree! It’s a pain and way more expensive because it means a second hotel room. But now I’m hearing that it’s also rude so maybe they will all just stay home and I’ll deal with the bride’s disappointment that my husband won’t be there.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:23
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:17
Subject: No kids wedding...except there were kids.
There were a few children I wanted at my wedding (my two nieces and nephew) and our best friends' two kids. I did not want everyone else's kids there. I don't see why this is an issue.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:16
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
If not bringing your kids was a huge deal I’d ask about it before I agreed to be in the wedding party.
Give me a break. I’m one of two bridesmaids and have known the bride since we were two. I offered to keep the whole family home in DC and come on my own but got grief about not having my husband attend. So I can’t win. Besides, we didn’t discuss her policy on kids when she asked me to be in the wedding. It wasn’t foremost in anyone’s mind.
Then just don’t be in the wedding, this is not your day to whine and complain. It’s her day, she decides what she wants and if you can’t accept that then stay home. Whiny wedding party members are the worst
+1. Bride and groom get to make the guest list. You have the right to attend or decline if that guest list doesn’t include your spouse, kids, dog, or your favorite aunt sally. Not your guest list. You get to have a guest list for your own wedding.
Your righteousness aside, I doubt you’d be cool with it if your bridal party declined to attend your wedding. That’s a friendship ender right there.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:14
Subject: No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.
Are your kids willing to be put to bed by a stranger at an out of town wedding in a hotel? Mine aren’t and I don’t think I’d really have a great time with a random person in the room while they sleep.
This sounds like a personal problem and not the problem of the bride or groom.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:12
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
If not bringing your kids was a huge deal I’d ask about it before I agreed to be in the wedding party.
Give me a break. I’m one of two bridesmaids and have known the bride since we were two. I offered to keep the whole family home in DC and come on my own but got grief about not having my husband attend. So I can’t win. Besides, we didn’t discuss her policy on kids when she asked me to be in the wedding. It wasn’t foremost in anyone’s mind.
Then just don’t be in the wedding, this is not your day to whine and complain. It’s her day, she decides what she wants and if you can’t accept that then stay home. Whiny wedding party members are the worst
+1. Bride and groom get to make the guest list. You have the right to attend or decline if that guest list doesn’t include your spouse, kids, dog, or your favorite aunt sally. Not your guest list. You get to have a guest list for your own wedding.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:07
Subject: No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.
Are your kids willing to be put to bed by a stranger at an out of town wedding in a hotel? Mine aren’t and I don’t think I’d really have a great time with a random person in the room while they sleep.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:07
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
If not bringing your kids was a huge deal I’d ask about it before I agreed to be in the wedding party.
Give me a break. I’m one of two bridesmaids and have known the bride since we were two. I offered to keep the whole family home in DC and come on my own but got grief about not having my husband attend. So I can’t win. Besides, we didn’t discuss her policy on kids when she asked me to be in the wedding. It wasn’t foremost in anyone’s mind.
I mean, it’s not for you to “win”. Your kids weren’t invited. Your DH wasn’t obligated to go and you didn’t have to be a bridesmaid. And if it was a really big deal to you and you’ve known the bride your whole life you could have told her you can’t afford a sitter and either DH has to watch the kids and can’t come or, if she really wants him there, you have to bring the kids. If you can afford a sitter then you hire a sitter.
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:04
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
Yes, you could have.
Just go by yourself!
Anonymous
05/23/2022 16:03
Subject: Re:No kids wedding...except there were kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).
I would have just declined the invitation, but that's harder for you to do now that you asked to bring your kids and she said yes.
I’m in the wedding so I can’t decline.
If not bringing your kids was a huge deal I’d ask about it before I agreed to be in the wedding party.
Give me a break. I’m one of two bridesmaids and have known the bride since we were two. I offered to keep the whole family home in DC and come on my own but got grief about not having my husband attend. So I can’t win. Besides, we didn’t discuss her policy on kids when she asked me to be in the wedding. It wasn’t foremost in anyone’s mind.
Then just don’t be in the wedding, this is not your day to whine and complain. It’s her day, she decides what she wants and if you can’t accept that then stay home. Whiny wedding party members are the worst