Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the issue.

I have attend a very large self hosted baby shower for someone’s surprise 3rd baby. The two children were much older so they didn’t have any baby stuff.

My mom and teen daughter hosted my 2nd baby shower for me at my house. I would have preferred not to have one, but they insisted on doing it. My 2nd was also an oops baby and I didn’t have anything.

Most people aren’t hosting baby showers to get gifts with the amount of planning and cost that goes into hosting.

Well if they aren’t hosting for gifts then they would so no gifts.
By the way, you said you had a second baby shower and didn’t have anything. You wanted gifts.

I'm 50+ and think all these stupid rules should go away. Host any party you want to, and people can come or not come. It's not a big deal.

I don’t understand the issue.

I have attend a very large self hosted baby shower for someone’s surprise 3rd baby. The two children were much older so they didn’t have any baby stuff.

My mom and teen daughter hosted my 2nd baby shower for me at my house. I would have preferred not to have one, but they insisted on doing it. My 2nd was also an oops baby and I didn’t have anything.

Most people aren’t hosting baby showers to get gifts with the amount of planning and cost that goes into hosting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

NP. Wow. So very full of absolutes. And if DCUM "confirmed" it, that's proof positive your upbringing is the final word for everyone, everywhere!

It must be impossible to relax if one is adhering to such strict regulations. I'm guessing you have a slew of other "cannots" and "no"s and "must nots" etc. about events. How tiring. And how very lacking in imagination and empathy: As someone noted much earlier, it's possible the daughter didn't have a friend or more distant relative who could host, or needed things for the second baby for...whatever damn reason you don't happen to know.

I hope the neighbor's daughter, neighbor who violated society's standards and all their guests had a wonderful time at that illicit shower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This etiquette is outdated.

I think it’s better for the mom to shell out money to host than to impose upon a friend.

I was a bridesmaid a million years ago, and the mother insisted that etiquette dictated the bridesmaids should foot the bill. As a law student, I really wasn’t equipped to host a fancy shower on top of the dress, shoes, makeup, salon/stylist, manicure, plus gift plus bachelorette trip. It was super annoying since the parents of both the bride and groom had nice homes and plenty of money.

Screw etiquette.

My daughter had two recent grad friends hosting her baby shower, so I paid for the catering and decorations. I let them choose everything and they sent me the links, so I could order and pay. They organized the party itself. It was a nice solution.

So you hosted the shower (by paying for it). You just outsourced the planning to her pals who did it pro bono.

Im an out of date grandma (46, with a 1st grader so not actually a grandma), but I think this is perfectly fine. It doesn’t look like the mother is hosting if the friends names are on the invite. That’s what’s important.

I think it’s ridiculous to hide the fact that mom is hosting. It underscores how outdated the etiquette is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

I’m the PP. I’m sorry your mother is not here but I don’t think those are rules. My mother was also the main person planning my bridal shower, along with my sister and aunt. My sister was younger than me. I got married young and have nice memories from this.

Trailer park manners

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This etiquette is outdated.

I think it’s better for the mom to shell out money to host than to impose upon a friend.

I was a bridesmaid a million years ago, and the mother insisted that etiquette dictated the bridesmaids should foot the bill. As a law student, I really wasn’t equipped to host a fancy shower on top of the dress, shoes, makeup, salon/stylist, manicure, plus gift plus bachelorette trip. It was super annoying since the parents of both the bride and groom had nice homes and plenty of money.

Screw etiquette.

My daughter had two recent grad friends hosting her baby shower, so I paid for the catering and decorations. I let them choose everything and they sent me the links, so I could order and pay. They organized the party itself. It was a nice solution.

So you hosted the shower (by paying for it). You just outsourced the planning to her pals who did it pro bono.

Im an out of date grandma (46, with a 1st grader so not actually a grandma), but I think this is perfectly fine. It doesn’t look like the mother is hosting if the friends names are on the invite. That’s what’s important.

As long as they write thank you note unlike my lazy niece

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absolutely fine for a mother or sister to host a baby shower! Why not!? In relieves any financial burden from friends.

I wouldn't expect friends to host a baby shower for a 2nd or 3rd baby. If family wants to host one, that's fine. I think they should set an expectation should be for more modest gifts (like books, as a PP suggested), with the main goal to celebrate the happy occasion. A mom having her 2nd or 3rd baby shouldn't need as much stuff anyway.

You wouldn’t expect friends to host a 2nd baby shower because there shouldn’t be one.

I'm the PP and agree that no friend should be expected to host a second baby shower. And I actually should amend my prior comment because I don't think that even family should host a "baby shower" for a 2nd or 3rd child -- but it would be fine to host another gathering to celebrate the birth, like a "sip and see," and make clear that gifts are not expected. (Or, if there are gifts, it should be something modest, like a favorite children's book, so that's in the $5 - $15 range.)

I think it is nice to honor certain traditions in life - however this one should be evolved.

Mothers who are expecting their 2nd, 3rd, 7th etc. child will likely love to celebrate w/friends + family just like they had done previously.

And they may be in need of more things for the new baby’s arrival.

Perhaps a baby book, new clothing (especially if the new child will be the opposite gender!), etc…..

And I see nothing wrong w/the Mother-to-Be’s own Mother hosting this new baby shower at all. 🍼🍼🍼

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absolutely fine for a mother or sister to host a baby shower! Why not!? In relieves any financial burden from friends.

I wouldn't expect friends to host a baby shower for a 2nd or 3rd baby. If family wants to host one, that's fine. I think they should set an expectation should be for more modest gifts (like books, as a PP suggested), with the main goal to celebrate the happy occasion. A mom having her 2nd or 3rd baby shouldn't need as much stuff anyway.

You wouldn’t expect friends to host a 2nd baby shower because there shouldn’t be one.

Jesus, why can’t anyone celebrate without demanding gifts?! I’m so sick of our current culture where everything is a gift-grab!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

Those aren't the rules anymore grandma. You probably also think people can't wear white before Memorial Day.

NP and no. I’m 27 and know it’s considered rude for mothers to host daughters baby and wedding showers. And absolutely no shower after first baby (or wedding).

It makes sense if you think about it. If your mother can afford to host a shower for you then she can also afford to get you what you need. After the first baby you should have the essentials.

Showers are celebrations. They don't always have to have a practical get you what you need thing. Anyone who has ever received a baby bathrobe as a shower gift will know that.

Sorry no one cared enough about you to celebrate life changing events for you.

Thanks, dear, but I’m loved but not greedy. One shower for the first baby was enough. I can afford to clothe my second baby.

And, news flash! - you can celebrate and be celebrated without begging for gifts!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This etiquette is outdated.

I think it’s better for the mom to shell out money to host than to impose upon a friend.

I was a bridesmaid a million years ago, and the mother insisted that etiquette dictated the bridesmaids should foot the bill. As a law student, I really wasn’t equipped to host a fancy shower on top of the dress, shoes, makeup, salon/stylist, manicure, plus gift plus bachelorette trip. It was super annoying since the parents of both the bride and groom had nice homes and plenty of money.

Screw etiquette.

My daughter had two recent grad friends hosting her baby shower, so I paid for the catering and decorations. I let them choose everything and they sent me the links, so I could order and pay. They organized the party itself. It was a nice solution.

So you hosted the shower (by paying for it). You just outsourced the planning to her pals who did it pro bono.

Anonymous wrote:OP...I hear you. Rule #2 on dcurbanmom.....argue a point unnecessarily. Always be devil's advocate. They like to argue and tell you you are wrong even if they secretly agree with you.

Similar to how you are arguing.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absolutely fine for a mother or sister to host a baby shower! Why not!? In relieves any financial burden from friends.

I wouldn't expect friends to host a baby shower for a 2nd or 3rd baby. If family wants to host one, that's fine. I think they should set an expectation should be for more modest gifts (like books, as a PP suggested), with the main goal to celebrate the happy occasion. A mom having her 2nd or 3rd baby shouldn't need as much stuff anyway.

You wouldn’t expect friends to host a 2nd baby shower because there shouldn’t be one.