Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:21     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Child needs preschool. You can move to bi weekly cleaning and everyone keeps the house cleen


Children do NOT need preschool. All four of my kids waltzed into school for the first time either for kindergarten or first grade. No problems.



Unless all 5 of your kids are 10 and under your experience isn't relevant.as pp pointed out kids are expected to know more in kindergarten now from the start. Even in play based preschool they have a curriculum that teaches things they'll need to know
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:16     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
You want to outsource the childcare and have her do the cleaning. She prefers to outsource the cleaning and do the childcare. It's her doing it either way, whether childcare or cleaning. It's her choice, then. Unless you have a good case why her childcare is subpar to preschool, let her be. If you pressure her into doing the cleaning versus the childcare you may find her house cleaning is more subpar versus housecleaner's than her childcare versus preschool is.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:10     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
OP I also think it’s gross how you said she works on the weekend “as a concierge” like it’s not really work.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:09     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.



I’m a SAHM and we have a biweekly housecleaner. I still do cleaning and chores all day. She basically saves me from scrubbing the toilets and means every other week I don’t have to seriously vacuum or mop unless there’s a mess (I do high traffic areas every day because we have a dog). I wouldn’t mind dropping her if we needed to but it would have to be a joint decision. It sounds like OP wants to unilaterally reassign his wife to more cleaning and less childcare. She wants to do more childcare and less cleaning. They have to negotiate that.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:03     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Op you say she works on the weekends but it sounds like she also works all week doing childcare and you want to reassign some of those hours to housecleaning.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 12:01     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
I don’t get how getting house cleaned once a month equates to luxury? It’s one of the basic perk of having decent finances.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 11:59     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.



It all depends on finances. If you don’t have money, you do it all but if you have options, you pick what works best for you and your family.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 11:54     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s up to the mom wether she wants to spend her time with her children or in household chores or go back to work to earn, let her pick.


Does dad have that choice too?

I'm shocked at the people who don't think the father should get any say in whether his kids go to preschool.


It’s not about father or mother, we are assuming both are rational and well intentioned parents, just trying to figure out details not philosophy. If mother is willing and able to provide what preschool can in terms of learning, play and social interaction then there is no issue. Only issue would be if mother isn’t doing it well because she is too busy with job, other kids, household or social engagements.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 11:28     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 11:09     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't cool with getting rid of weekly house cleaning so we can pay for preschool. She has a part-time job on the weekends as a concierge. She's been a stay-at-home mom since our oldest was born. I am on board with her working or not working. Our first child was invited to public preschool because he was in an early intervention program. The second child's preschool won't be free. He goes to the YMCA at least four times a week for two hours a day, and they swim for another hour. My wife thinks gym childcare can provide a preschool experience.
Happy wife=happy life. If your kid is going to be more of a jock then the elem sci fair winner, she's right. If your pre-school has a deadbeat teacher, she's right. If the fumes from bleaching put her out of commission she's right. That being said, I am more of a geek than jock and absolutely loved the social aspect of preschool, but I didn't have an extensive toddler gym program. If it means that much to YOU, show her by selling your games to pay for preschool and keep the housekeeping. Do the price shopping for a high school kid to do your cleaning.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 10:50     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would DH clean when he works full-time, and DW doesn’t and has been given the option not to?


Because he is a part of the family and contributes to the messes.


She’s home more often than he is. The gym is not replacing preschool. If nothing else preschool will get him ready for structured class and given him interactions with his peers.

Sad to miss out on that because mom doesn’t want to clean her own home herself on occasion.


The play based preschools fo little to prepare kids. It’s good enough except if they go to a more structured one with academics.


Wow, are people really this ignorant? All the child development experts agree that play-based preschools are the gold standard for preschool.


You are absolutely right. Play-based is definitely the way to go. (I am a former preschool teacher.)
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 10:47     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s up to the mom whether she wants to spend her time with her children or in household chores or go back to work to early. t her pick.


Does dad have that choice too?

I'm shocked at the people who don't think the father should get any say in whether his kids go to preschool.


He hasn't told us if he does anything else besides bringing home the paycheck. They can afford the house cleaner so keep it. I have a hunch she has weekly cleaning because he doesn't do anything. The majority of men do very little housework while whether the woman works or not. His wife does work, and she brings the children out to play with other kids during the week. Perhaps she prefers the Y because she can keep an eye on her child.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 10:34     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
Anonymous wrote:It’s up to the mom wether she wants to spend her time with her children or in household chores or go back to work to earn, let her pick.


Does dad have that choice too?

I'm shocked at the people who don't think the father should get any say in whether his kids go to preschool.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 10:32     Subject: Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
It’s up to the mom wether she wants to spend her time with her children or in household chores or go back to work to earn, let her pick.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 09:37     Subject: Re:Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool
I would give up showering, eating meat, Netflix, buying any new clothes this year, or ever eating any food out before I would give up my house cleaner.

No preschool, or find something else to cut, something that makes YOUR life harder, not hers.