Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Essentially everyone I am friends with through work.
I know this because we are doctors, and most bought their first house as a resident.

They all bought 400-600K houses in Baltimore with 20% down straight out of med school.

As residents, we were making ~60K per year and were in our mid-20s. Some of the guys had wives who made money - most were teachers or nurses or postdocs, not big law or investment banking.

Bizarrely, everyone said they did it without help, but I can do the math.

Most of my husband’s friends from grad school are engineers married to doctors. A lot of them bought houses in residency as well - and he refers to “doctor loans” - special mortgages for people with low incomes that will increase over time.

Doctor’s loans were very popular prior to the crash that occurred in ~2007-2008. Afterwards, they were harder to get, and most people didn’t want (or apparently need) them when I was a resident.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone who has admitted it freely, but I know a lot of people whose incomes and lifestyles do not align with their jobs.

+1, there is always that moment of confusion when you see someone’s home or they talk about a vacation they just took and your brain tries to square their jobs with it. Family money is always the answer, but it’s still surprising somehow.

I’m my 20s and even into my 30s, I also had a mistaken idea of how much journalists and people at non-profits made because they had such nice lifestyles. It took me an embarrassingly long time to understand a lot of people I knew in these fields weren’t trying to live off their salaries at all. Trusts, homes fully funded by family (sometimes even owned by family), vacations paid for by family or at family-owned properties, lots of gifts in the form of clothes and furniture. They might be spending their own money on food and entertainment, maybe some bills, but that’s it. And I’d stupidly have conversations about money with these people (student loans, cost of housing, wanting to do something expensive and feeling like I needed to wait). I had no idea.

Last year I was hanging out with a longtime friend and he got unusually tipsy and told me exact numbers on what his parents contributed for their house, wedding, honeymoon, and kids college fund. It was jaw dropping. I know his parents so I know they are well off, but I had no idea. His dad is a surgeon, but does not come from money and I know things were quite lean for their family when my friend was a kid and his dad was a resident.

His parents gave them 60k towards their down payment (structured as loan they wrote down over several years), 20k for the wedding (half the cost of the wedding), 10k for their honeymoon, and contribute 5k per child per year towards college costs.

The 10k honeymoon really stopped me in my tracks. I knew their honeymoon was expensive but put in those terms I realized how out of reach my friend’s lifestyle is for me. Because that’s just a “nice to have.” So is the wedding, but you figure some of that money is also paying for the cost of hosting their family, so it’s different. But the honeymoon is just a straight up gift. And you could take a lovely honeymoon for a lot less (we did!). The idea of just being able to toss off 10k for a vacation is amazing to me.

Anonymous wrote:Essentially everyone I am friends with through work.
I know this because we are doctors, and most bought their first house as a resident.

They all bought 400-600K houses in Baltimore with 20% down straight out of med school.

As residents, we were making ~60K per year and were in our mid-20s. Some of the guys had wives who made money - most were teachers or nurses or postdocs, not big law or investment banking.

Bizarrely, everyone said they did it without help, but I can do the math.

Most of my husband’s friends from grad school are engineers married to doctors. A lot of them bought houses in residency as well - and he refers to “doctor loans” - special mortgages for people with low incomes that will increase over time.

none

I don’t know anyone who has admitted it freely, but I know a lot of people whose incomes and lifestyles do not align with their jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot more than will admit.

+1 this. All you "no one I know" votes would be surprised if this was shared more openly.

I would say about 2/3 but again, lots of people aren't sharing this or as someone else argued, college help counts indirectly though I would argue is a separate question.

This. It's the same for having trusts, gift giving, 529s, private school help.

I had no idea any of this existed until I took a personal finance class in college but learned even more substantial information regarding trusts and gift giving browsing forums such as this and reddit.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the house, but the “help” that comes way before the house.

I agree. However, there are people who get help before the house *AND* with the house.

Tbh.. I've never asked but I've had friends openly share.

It is what it is.

Losers!

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know socially- and I mean million plus Just for housing. A few people but less that I know through work, and no one getting help like my actual friend group. And I think they would be shocked.

??? What does this mean?

Everyone I know socially- and I mean million plus Just for housing. A few people but less that I know through work, and no one getting help like my actual friend group. And I think they would be shocked.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not born of this world - and I didn’t join it until college - it is truly shocking to learn how much help some people get. Sure I knew some people had college paid for and a lucky few got a wedding, but I sort of assumed the help stopped there. When I first learned that adults got help with down payments (and likely engagement rings and spendy honeymoons), my first thought was “So wait, what do you actually pay for?!”

It’s also frustrating because it perpetuates this myth of meritocracy. The reality is most people will never be able to earn enough degrees from Harvard to catch up with these massive generational wealth transfers.

I’ve made my peace with it, and absolutely hope to do it for my kids because it does make sense, but I get the jealousy.

The ones I know are paying for Golden Goose sneakers and tasting menus with their own money. Which is fine- their parents have bought them relatively modest homes by DC standards. I do wonder if they know how to manage their money but if their parents are getting all the big expenses does it really matter?

Most of them. But if you asked, they’d say no. They don’t even consider it family help.

If you’re not born of this world - and I didn’t join it until college - it is truly shocking to learn how much help some people get. Sure I knew some people had college paid for and a lucky few got a wedding, but I sort of assumed the help stopped there. When I first learned that adults got help with down payments (and likely engagement rings and spendy honeymoons), my first thought was “So wait, what do you actually pay for?!”

It’s also frustrating because it perpetuates this myth of meritocracy. The reality is most people will never be able to earn enough degrees from Harvard to catch up with these massive generational wealth transfers.

I’ve made my peace with it, and absolutely hope to do it for my kids because it does make sense, but I get the jealousy.

Essentially everyone I am friends with through work.
I know this because we are doctors, and most bought their first house as a resident.

They all bought 400-600K houses in Baltimore with 20% down straight out of med school.

As residents, we were making ~60K per year and were in our mid-20s. Some of the guys had wives who made money - most were teachers or nurses or postdocs, not big law or investment banking.

Bizarrely, everyone said they did it without help, but I can do the math.