Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just like to point out that as you can see by the almost universal tone taken towards them on this site, to the wife the OW isn’t a real person either, just a caricature. The wife’s perspective is also entirely self centered and distorted but she can’t hear it.


NP. You’re comparing a spouse who’s been betrayed to one who willingly engages with a married person? Boy oh boy.

No I’m comparing the myopia of one vs the myopia of the other. The moral judgment isn’t the point of the observation.

That is the most ridiculous argument.

To the betrayed: the OW is very real.

In fact, it’s that reality that blows up families and friendships and children’s lives.

To the OW in the affair (the wife doesn’t even know about her, remember?!?!!) - the kids and wife don’t exist or are an obstacle to overcome.

Unless you have been an OW, you don’t know what you are to her.

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters saying there’s NOTHING wrong with being an AP are performing some impressive mental gymnastics. It’s like saying the getaway driver to a crime hasn’t also committed a crime, because their involvement was only ancillary. Please.

No wonder society is in such a shambles when everyone’s free to do as they please and there’s no shared moral code.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the person cheating is the one responsible to their spouse, but knowingly engaging with a married person is not doing the right thing.

During a low point I had two flings with men in relationships. I felt tremendous guilt. That feeling exists for a reason. It’s not the right thing to do!

Correct, but you have guilt and empathy. A lot of these sociopath, narcissists and borderline disordered people do not.

Because she is a real person. Who feels real remorse and real empathy for other real people and has apparently grown from the experience, all concepts the betrayed spouses in here cannot fathom. The OW is just a cartoon figure to them and they’re certain they know every malicious thought in her head but have no insight into their own limitations of perspective.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the person cheating is the one responsible to their spouse, but knowingly engaging with a married person is not doing the right thing.

During a low point I had two flings with men in relationships. I felt tremendous guilt. That feeling exists for a reason. It’s not the right thing to do!

Correct, but you have guilt and empathy. A lot of these sociopath, narcissists and borderline disordered people do not.

A lot on this thread alone. Lol

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the person cheating is the one responsible to their spouse, but knowingly engaging with a married person is not doing the right thing.

During a low point I had two flings with men in relationships. I felt tremendous guilt. That feeling exists for a reason. It’s not the right thing to do!

Correct, but you have guilt and empathy. A lot of these sociopath, narcissists and borderline disordered people do not.

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

This. The married one is the one 100% at fault. This isn’t a “trend”. It’s the way it always should have been.

Anonymous wrote:I would just like to point out that as you can see by the almost universal tone taken towards them on this site, to the wife the OW isn’t a real person either, just a caricature. The wife’s perspective is also entirely self centered and distorted but she can’t hear it.


NP. You’re comparing a spouse who’s been betrayed to one who willingly engages with a married person? Boy oh boy.

No I’m comparing the myopia of one vs the myopia of the other. The moral judgment isn’t the point of the observation.

That is the most ridiculous argument.

To the betrayed: the OW is very real.

In fact, it’s that reality that blows up families and friendships and children’s lives.

To the OW in the affair (the wife doesn’t even know about her, remember?!?!!) - the kids and wife don’t exist or are an obstacle to overcome.

I would just like to point out that as you can see by the almost universal tone taken towards them on this site, to the wife the OW isn’t a real person either, just a caricature. The wife’s perspective is also entirely self centered and distorted but she can’t hear it.


NP. You’re comparing a spouse who’s been betrayed to one who willingly engages with a married person? Boy oh boy.

No I’m comparing the myopia of one vs the myopia of the other. The moral judgment isn’t the point of the observation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I was the other woman once. I regret it. It was harmful and stupid and I would never do it again. But I can't understand why anyone would stay married to such an ass.[b]

I can't understand why anyone would marry such a low character woman who lacks integrity like you. Touche

Well. My admission of a dumb thing I did decades ago on an anonymous internet forum seems to have hit you in the feels. I stand by my statement.

Only stupid APs use the phrase "the feels". Barf

HA. So true

And "Babe". "Hey Babe". These types are all the same.

(Babe, this is why your husband's cheating...not matter what your feels are about it.)

The distinction seems to lie in how severe of a moral failure g people believe being involved in cheating. Some here think we should forever brand a cheater with a giant A, banishing them from neighborhood activities and friend groups forever. Some people it’s not the right thing to do, but they move on with life.

I don’t think it’s the right thing to do, but I also don’t think it would prevent me from forgiving and still allowing the cheater from being in my life or community. The wrong is much more towards the betrayed partner. The wrong to me as a bystander is insignificant to my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

The H (or W) and the AP are BOTH betrayers and both are betraying the married spouse and kids. Riding shotgun counts.

Sorry no. The AP has no loyalty to the spouse who most likely they have never met. The wronged spouse was betrayed by one person, their spouse.

This thread is so funny. So many people trying redirect fault. Whatever helps you get through the day.

Loyalty? Who the hell thinks of it that way? "The AP has no integrity or empathy". Fixed it for you. Anyone in an affair, married or not does not have good character. They know what they are doing is wrong and will harm someone. And, let's be real, all of these people are wishing for the spouse to get out of the picture, even if it is via death, illness or divorce so they can have that loser cheater all to themselves. Hardly the thoughts of a kind soul.

BINGO!! Some even leave direct clues so the spouse will find out.

It helps the OW/OM to only think of the AP's spouse/children in the abstract. They aren't 'real people' to them. It allows them to act in ways unbefitting of anyone that is a decent, empathetic person. People in affairs (both parties) have a lot of means to compartmentalize and justify things that they know are wrong or not morally acceptable as you can see with the way they have responded on this thread.

People have stated facts: if you knowingly enter into an adulterous affair (either party) you lack character and integrity. That's a fact. IF you don't want people to know that you routinely 'date' married people, you obviously know what you are doing is wrong even if you have said no vows. And, what does it matter if you are 10% wrong or 50% wrong, etc., you are still wrong. If it makes you feel better to only be 10% party to someone's pain to continue your nefarious ways, carry on.

If they aren't real people and they have never met them or seen them IRL, it's very easy to make yourself believe they do not exist.

I would just like to point out that as you can see by the almost universal tone taken towards them on this site, to the wife the OW isn’t a real person either, just a caricature. The wife’s perspective is also entirely self centered and distorted but she can’t hear it.

NP. You’re comparing a spouse who’s been betrayed to one who willingly engages with a married person? Boy oh boy.

All of the posters saying there’s NOTHING wrong with being an AP are performing some impressive mental gymnastics. It’s like saying the getaway driver to a crime hasn’t also committed a crime, because their involvement was only ancillary. Please.

No wonder society is in such a shambles when everyone’s free to do as they please and there’s no shared moral code.

Obviously the person cheating is the one responsible to their spouse, but knowingly engaging with a married person is not doing the right thing.

During a low point I had two flings with men in relationships. I felt tremendous guilt. That feeling exists for a reason. It’s not the right thing to do!

Lol okay please tell us your secret formula on “how to spot a whore.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

The H (or W) and the AP are BOTH betrayers and both are betraying the married spouse and kids. Riding shotgun counts.

Sorry no. The AP has no loyalty to the spouse who most likely they have never met. The wronged spouse was betrayed by one person, their spouse.

This thread is so funny. So many people trying redirect fault. Whatever helps you get through the day.

Loyalty? Who the hell thinks of it that way? "The AP has no integrity or empathy". Fixed it for you. Anyone in an affair, married or not does not have good character. They know what they are doing is wrong and will harm someone. And, let's be real, all of these people are wishing for the spouse to get out of the picture, even if it is via death, illness or divorce so they can have that loser cheater all to themselves. Hardly the thoughts of a kind soul.

BINGO!! Some even leave direct clues so the spouse will find out.

It helps the OW/OM to only think of the AP's spouse/children in the abstract. They aren't 'real people' to them. It allows them to act in ways unbefitting of anyone that is a decent, empathetic person. People in affairs (both parties) have a lot of means to compartmentalize and justify things that they know are wrong or not morally acceptable as you can see with the way they have responded on this thread.

People have stated facts: if you knowingly enter into an adulterous affair (either party) you lack character and integrity. That's a fact. IF you don't want people to know that you routinely 'date' married people, you obviously know what you are doing is wrong even if you have said no vows. And, what does it matter if you are 10% wrong or 50% wrong, etc., you are still wrong. If it makes you feel better to only be 10% party to someone's pain to continue your nefarious ways, carry on.

If they aren't real people and they have never met them or seen them IRL, it's very easy to make yourself believe they do not exist.

I would just like to point out that as you can see by the almost universal tone taken towards them on this site, to the wife the OW isn’t a real person either, just a caricature. The wife’s perspective is also entirely self centered and distorted but she can’t hear it.