Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 11:38     Subject: Re:Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:Isn't it your car too? Owners get dibs on the front seat.


This
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 10:45     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 10:37     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
I would let MIL sit up front, but I would also be very irritated by MIL demanding to sit up front "next to her son." Getting the "better" seat would be a concession to her age, not some kind of award for being his mom.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 10:35     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
All this “OMG think of the Elderrrrrs” is so 1950s, it’s absurd.


I take it your parents are not yet in an age that would be considered elderly? Because one day they will be and imagine brats like you having to help them in public? It's horrifying isn't it? My parents are all between 75 and 81. I absolutely take a bit of extra care for those who are elderly when I am out an about.

I am the PP at the top of this quoted thread. My MIL is 75. She's in fine health. I've known her for 15 years. She was much more agile at 65. I still would have always deferred to where she wanted to sit in the car. It's not a problem that comes up frequently, so it doesn't bother me. She is an incredibly difficult person in many ways and we have had our problems. But her needing a little extra care because she is 35 years older than me is NOT the issue.


NP, and yes, this. There are all sorts of ways in which we do not allow my parents' preferences to govern the decisions we make because our kids need some accommodation too (dinnertime, meal choices, activities), even if visiting parents are technically guests and should take precedence.

But where I sit in the car? That's symbolism I don't care about.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 09:30     Subject: Re:Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
I would offer the front seat to my ILs or my parents if we're all riding together. I remember my parents doing this for my grandparents when they were around.

If we're driving my FIL I absolutely want him in the front with DH. He points out every little thing going on in his small town (did you see so and so's new fence, can you believe how they cut back this tree, they just put up that caution sign slow down etc.). I need to be able to zone out in the back.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 09:29     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I always let an older person sit in the front because it's generally more comfortable.


+1 There is no “rule” and nobody is insisting on anything but I would always offer an elder the most comfortable spot.


+2 As another poster said, then I can zone out and not participate in the conversation. If I'm in the front, I feel like I have to engage her in conversation. If our daughter is with us, she opts for the back (as does my mom). MIL and Mom are about 80, so it's just easier for them to get in and out of the front.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 09:22     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Elder gets to choose. That’s just being polite.


Yuck. No.


Who raised you? Seriously though, was your parent a boomer? GenX? I’m really curious how this happens.


She was clearly not raised in a family with class or understanding of manners.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 09:19     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t even get along w my MIL but of all the things to be upset about this isn’t it. She’s older than me, so I let her choose where is most comfortable in the car.


I think my MIL always sits up front, regardless of who is driving. She has a hard time getting in and out of the car. We are not close but this doesn’t bother me even a little. Maybe if she talked for like 15 minutes about this being her god given right or something it would be annoying but even still… who cares

+1 this thread is so sad.. your parents and in-laws are older and likely have various health issues. You won't get it until you are older and then its too late. Hopefully your SIL/DIL will be kinder to you.


Your healthy MIL will not die from sitting in the backseat of a car/SUV. If they are terribly disabled, then it’s different and it’s due to their disability, not age.

All this “OMG think of the Elderrrrrs” is so 1950s, it’s absurd.


I take it your parents are not yet in an age that would be considered elderly? Because one day they will be and imagine brats like you having to help them in public? It's horrifying isn't it? My parents are all between 75 and 81. I absolutely take a bit of extra care for those who are elderly when I am out an about.

I am the PP at the top of this quoted thread. My MIL is 75. She's in fine health. I've known her for 15 years. She was much more agile at 65. I still would have always deferred to where she wanted to sit in the car. It's not a problem that comes up frequently, so it doesn't bother me. She is an incredibly difficult person in many ways and we have had our problems. But her needing a little extra care because she is 35 years older than me is NOT the issue.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 09:03     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
I can't imagine being married to some of you immature, insecure brats.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 08:53     Subject: Re:Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Front seat is for the elders in the family. My parents, ILs, uncles and aunties, older siblings, their spouses. In my culture, hierarchy is based on age and relationship. My DH is the eldest child in his family. I was given a lot of respect because of my status as the eldest DIL. His brothers and their spouses and children will always give me a lot of respect and make sure that I am comfortable. 1 of the BIL (DH's brother) is actually older than me in age, but in the relationship and through custom, I am his elder. In turn, I have to always display temperate behavior and give measured opinions in family matters.



Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 08:09     Subject: Re:Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds gauche.


Op sounds embarrassingly insecure.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 08:02     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
My MIL lives 6 hours away. When they visit, she would sit in the front with her son.

It also depends on the car and the MIL’s mobility. Some cars it’s hard for older people to reach the seatbelt or get out of the back seat.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 07:55     Subject: Re:Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
OP sounds gauche.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 07:54     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:I always let an older person sit in the front because it's generally more comfortable.


+1 There is no “rule” and nobody is insisting on anything but I would always offer an elder the most comfortable spot.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 07:24     Subject: Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you drive and your husband and his mom can sit wherever they want?


+1


This. If MIL still insists on the front, it’s a comfort/aging thing she’s embarrassed about. If she insists on your husband sitting in the back seat with her it’s a weird enmeshment thing.