Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 14:54     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?


The homework, stress level and pressure increase each year. If he is slow it turns 3-4 hours of homework each day in to 4-8 hours of homework. Remember this is in addition to school and assignments over the weekends. It is not an enjoyable experience and can destroy confidence.

My kid is strange in this area. He’s quicker than the other kids doing class work, projects, etc, but on tests he’s sometimes slower.


If it's ADHD that's not necessarily strange. Fundamentally, ADHD is a dopamine deficiency. Working fast can help create and perpetuate the dopamine needed to focus. More than this, many ADHD kids are also really, really freaking smart. It can be a seemingly odd combination to outsiders, but it's not terribly uncommon. A smart ADHD kid works fast b/c they're smart AND because slow work requires endogenous dopamine they lack. This is why ADHD is treated with stimulants, of course-they stimulate dopamine exogenously. Deadlines, competition, working quickly, and a host of others are strategies to produce dopamine. Used adaptively and with an understanding of their limitations--which is true of any strategy any person, ADHD or otherwise, would use--these strategies can be really helpful.

So would a kid you are describing with ADHD be a bad fit at the schools in the title?
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 14:38     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
You will be disappointed at the outcomes of having your son attend one of these schools.I would suggest having him attend public school in either MoCo or NOVA K-12. He will develop a group of like individuals and is just as likely or more to be successful in a public school environment. Hire him tutors for the classes he struggles with. Allow him to underachieve in middle school. It is far better to do poorly in middle school and realize you need to try harder in HS, then to perform poorly in HS because you were not allowed to fail in middle school. Try to identify subjects that he is passionate about and supplement his interests in those subjects outside of school through summer camps etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:46     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, our DS started showing these signs in 8th grade after a strong, but not necessarily, outstanding record. But it all blew up in 9th. Even though the school did not suggest a neuropsych, we decided to have him evaluated and learned that he had a mild form of inattentive ADHD. Getting on meds was fairly life changing for him. He was able to engage in classes where he didn't necessarily have a burning interest because he was able to focus.

If you can afford an evaluation, I would do so. You either learn that all is okay or that he has a learning style where he needs some attention - both those results are good for you to know.

GL!


And does the $$$$$ private school help in any way, shape or form or is this all the family secret from them?


I think you are posting in the wrong thread. Or you're an a...

Yes, the school knows. Schools do not always suggest evals b/c they cost money and they do not want to presume families can afford it. Once we had the diagnosis and write-up, we had a meeting with the school's learning center and a plan 48 hours later. DS works with a great specialist and has had the support of nearly all his teachers over his four years in HS. The school's learning center is well regarded by parents and the envy of parents of students at other schools.

As I mentioned above, it was fairly life changing for him and money very, very well spent for our family.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:34     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
OP, what about Burke or Field? Your child will be challenged as well as thrive in a supportive setting.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:15     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?


If he’s a lifer, he’ll be fine. Just lay low.


Lol, pretty much.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:13     Subject: SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
As the parent of an extremely bright but anxious child, I work hard to gently challenge my LO without causing undue stress that will send the anxiety through the roof. LO gets anxiety therapy but is not medicated. (We'd rather change the situations we put LO in than resort to medication.)

As LO matures, the anxiety might get better. Or it might not. Honestly, as LO grows and learns more about the world, their anxiety appears to be increasing, not decreasing -- i.e. the more they know, the more they worry.

While I feel like my LO could benefit from the top-notch academics of a school like the OP hopes for, I think we'll get better long-term outcomes with something less stress-provoking.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:13     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:OP, our DS started showing these signs in 8th grade after a strong, but not necessarily, outstanding record. But it all blew up in 9th. Even though the school did not suggest a neuropsych, we decided to have him evaluated and learned that he had a mild form of inattentive ADHD. Getting on meds was fairly life changing for him. He was able to engage in classes where he didn't necessarily have a burning interest because he was able to focus.

If you can afford an evaluation, I would do so. You either learn that all is okay or that he has a learning style where he needs some attention - both those results are good for you to know.

GL!


And does the $$$$$ private school help in any way, shape or form or is this all the family secret from them?
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:06     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?


The homework, stress level and pressure increase each year. If he is slow it turns 3-4 hours of homework each day in to 4-8 hours of homework. Remember this is in addition to school and assignments over the weekends. It is not an enjoyable experience and can destroy confidence.

My kid is strange in this area. He’s quicker than the other kids doing class work, projects, etc, but on tests he’s sometimes slower.


If it's ADHD that's not necessarily strange. Fundamentally, ADHD is a dopamine deficiency. Working fast can help create and perpetuate the dopamine needed to focus. More than this, many ADHD kids are also really, really freaking smart. It can be a seemingly odd combination to outsiders, but it's not terribly uncommon. A smart ADHD kid works fast b/c they're smart AND because slow work requires endogenous dopamine they lack. This is why ADHD is treated with stimulants, of course-they stimulate dopamine exogenously. Deadlines, competition, working quickly, and a host of others are strategies to produce dopamine. Used adaptively and with an understanding of their limitations--which is true of any strategy any person, ADHD or otherwise, would use--these strategies can be really helpful.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 13:01     Subject: SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
It’s hard to say for sure but generally Maret is thought to be the best school for underachieving kids.

Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:52     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Now this I agree with. Anytime we've made an inquiry and wanted to work with the teacher on something - weakness, social issue, bully thing - they consistently tell you to stay out of it and that they got it. Oh and they force the student to ID it and self-advocate during class, regardless of age.

And nothing changes.

Makes sense. Have to separate the nipple from their mouths at some point.


Exactly. Lower school is a good time to force a sensitive kid who's struggling to deal with this and tell the parents to shove off. They got this. Comply.


You're commenting on a thread and a specific post regarding middle/high school.

My teenager would be mortified if I contacted his high school teachers so I could discuss his challenging social issues or his "weakness" in Economics.

this said, I agree with the PP who said GDS isn't the optimal choice for a profoundly anxious teen who anticipates requiring a daily tutor.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:37     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?


The homework, stress level and pressure increase each year. If he is slow it turns 3-4 hours of homework each day in to 4-8 hours of homework. Remember this is in addition to school and assignments over the weekends. It is not an enjoyable experience and can destroy confidence.

My kid is strange in this area. He’s quicker than the other kids doing class work, projects, etc, but on tests he’s sometimes slower.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:36     Subject: SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
This is a kid with medicated anxiety. I don’t know if there’s an ADHD issue but the two are sometimes co-existing. However, OP hasn’t said anything about ADHD.

Kid just got it together. Middle school puberty about to start. I would not increase the challenge right now until the kid has a few years holding it together.

My kid has had medicated high anxiety his whole life. If he had a year of high stress, it took at least that long to fully recover from it.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:30     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?


The homework, stress level and pressure increase each year. If he is slow it turns 3-4 hours of homework each day in to 4-8 hours of homework. Remember this is in addition to school and assignments over the weekends. It is not an enjoyable experience and can destroy confidence.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:21     Subject: SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
Hi OP, not to derail but have you considered St. Anselm's Abbey? Admittedly this is our first year in the middle school so I don't know how things will evolve in later years but it has been a great fit for my high IQ but not super motivated (in other words, "normal") pre-teen son who is also prone to anxiety. The classes are very structured with clear but high expectations so I think it works well for boys who aren't really self-starters. The community is very down to earth and friendly.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2022 12:04     Subject: Re:SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?
OP, our DS started showing these signs in 8th grade after a strong, but not necessarily, outstanding record. But it all blew up in 9th. Even though the school did not suggest a neuropsych, we decided to have him evaluated and learned that he had a mild form of inattentive ADHD. Getting on meds was fairly life changing for him. He was able to engage in classes where he didn't necessarily have a burning interest because he was able to focus.

If you can afford an evaluation, I would do so. You either learn that all is okay or that he has a learning style where he needs some attention - both those results are good for you to know.

GL!