I think your HHI is high enough to quit as long as you keep aggressively saving if the industry is volatile. And lots of couples get divorced, whether both spouses work or not. Of course people know stories about SAHMs getting divorced- all kinds of people get divorced. Anyway, I SAH now and I know a lot of other moms who do the same. I like my life and my husband still helps around the house and doesn’t expect me to be the maid (we have help). He makes low 7 figures. We are going to be fine. Life is good. If something goes wrong I’ll deal with it, just like anybody else. My 2 cents.

That's pretty much what I did with a little twist...

I reduced my patient's load and in the meantime, I got the necessary skills to build my online business, for a technophobe like me it was a heck of a challenge )

With the right guidance and mindset, it took me 6 months, from zero to hero

So now, I finally depend less and less on my original job and I am close to the point where I will be able to choose my patients load or quit completely.

Getting back to the first question - I believe that we should do what feels right for us, be brave, take action and enjoy the journey!

If you are willing to quit, ask them to make you fully remote. Maybe they will surprise you. You could become a contractor or part timer or something else....

Hi there,

Every decision you make comes down to only one thing: what do YOU ​​feel is right for?

No forum will give you the right answer, it starts and ends with your feelings about it,

There is no right or wrong here

I understand the dilemma as I was in a kind of similar situation 2 years ago, I had a decent career as a physiotherapist,

But had to sucrafise to much in terms of my health and relationships with my family.

At some point I've realized that despite all the advantages of my job and status, I don't enjoy my life anymore and losing my family,

I couldn’t afford to pay that price.

If I had listened to the tons of advice I got from everywhere, I would probably still be drowning in the same old routine.

At some point I decided for the first of my life to be bold, and do things my way...

And I don't regret for a moment I did it...

I think nothing is really stupid if you feel this.

I earn $150K and DH brings in $2M. When my kids were younger, I thought about quitting, but I am glad I hung in there. All these people who are saying to quit remind me of my MIL, who quit working to SAH, and is divorced, whose primary source of happiness is derived from her child who lives a plane-ride away and her grandchildren. And her cats.

Maybe these women who quit to SAH and raise their children utterly dependent upon their husbands for financial support don't have good graduate degrees or substantial work experience? I simply do not know very many women with law degrees from highly regarded law schools who quit happily. A seemingly high proportion I know who quit (a small sample size, admittedly) suffer from clinical anxiety (requiring medication) and/or have a child with special needs. There's usually some extenuating circumstance. And then, once the kids are a bit older and more independent, there are some attempts at serious hobbies, maybe getting another graduate degree, maybe trying to "on ramp" in competition against people 15-20 years their junior - while those of us who hung in there are now, in our 50s, at the top of our fields.

For now, I'd say hire a lot of help. Hire a cleaning agency to come every week or even twice a week. Hiring cleaning help is not a lot of work to do. Yes, interviewing nannies can be challenging, but go with a service like White House nannies, which will help a lot. Or word of mouth through neighborhood listservs. You can also hiring a professional organizer to help you with your house. Fortunately, you have a lot of money to throw at the problem.

You should also talk to your bosses and explain that you are feeling burnt out. I assure you 100% that they would rather keep you on than have to hire someone new. Take two weeks off. Negotiate harder for working at home. Or, start looking for a new job.

But do not waste your degree, your talent, and hard won experience if you haven't tried the obvious solutions first.

I only read your initial response. I'm a 34 year-old mom of 2 with a HHI of $485K+ with a FT remote role ($165K) and a nanny (no cleaning person, I do that) I think that you are well-positioned to leave your industry if you want given your HHI and totally validate your feelings about the ridiculousness of your commuting into an office to sit there by yourself three days a week. However, I think that you may want to try hiring out before you do that...just so you can see the reality of what that would be like before you make this huge decision that will likely impact your job prospects down the line (should you want to go back to work when your children are older). On your HHI you can afford to hire a FT nanny, a cleaning person who comes every day or a few times a week, buy a treadmill or a peloton/see a nutritionist (only putting these here because you said your body was a mess) and you can outsource other obligations. Can you flex your vacation and take 1-2 weeks off from your job and try to set some of this stuff up for yourself? Can your husband help? You sound like you're really overwhelmed and your exhaustion seems to be forcing this binary decision-making, but if you can take a step back and allow yourself to get help (hiring a nanny is hard, but you can do it and you can find a really good person) you may find that you are less overwhelmed.

I am in an eerily similar situation EXCEPT my husband now makes about 200k and we have 3 million invested. We don’t have a problem free marriage, we’ve definitely been through very rough patches but are in a great place now. I’m doing this next month, there’s no way when I’m on my deathbed I’ll look back and wish I worked more and spent less time with my kids. And I say that as someone for whom playing most kids’ games can feel crushingly oppressive. I’ve thought about the following and these should all apply to you

1. You figured out how to essentially retire at 36. You’re overwhelming likely to end up with close to 30 million dollars by the time you’re of traditional retirement age.

2. You’re 36 and it’s the middle of a pandemic where tons of people are quitting and have resume gaps. This is, in a way, one of the most ideal times to trial this.

3. If you hate it or regret it in 6 months, go look for another job. If you want to go back in 5 years, you’re likely to more than double your wealth given that your husband is bringing in so much and assets you’ve already accumulated

So, in 5 years, if you really want to go back to the law gig as a person with 8 figures, I’m sure salary will not be of concern and you can do some really meaningful legal work. I wish you the best of luck in your decision! And, I should echo previous posters who said you will lose your identity. I think you need to be more open to that reality. I am now at a much less prestigious job than I was before and the loss of identity I’ve felt has been astounding. And I am someone who did not think I derived so much from my job. I will say that I really liked that job, so may have figured into my outlook here

OP - what many discount or forget to factor in when making this kind of decision is "how" quitting will make you feel emotionally, mentally etc. The lack of intellectual stimulation, and losing an identity that you've had for many years can surely have a negative affect on you. It can be really degrading. Obviously you'd don't need the income, so your reason to continue working is to fulfill something in you. A personal goal for example.

Whatever you decide, please keep us updated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've read thought it all, have commented. I do think what people are responding to (when pointing out the potential negative) is that you keep trying to justify. Which means you are not fully convinced it's a good idea. You WANT it to be a good idea. Whatever the case, no one here is going to convince you one way or the other.

If you are determined, go for it and let the chips land where they may.

Thanks, you’re right for sure. I don’t know that it’s the right decision. I’m honestly not trying to justify or be defensive, just trying to explain my situation since maybe if the things people think are risks aren’t actually risks (or as big of risks) in my particular situation, the decision will become clear. I know that isn’t actually true and it won’t become clear cut all of a sudden, but keep hoping if I gather enough opinions and thoughts anyway it will. I do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and opinions even if I was coming off as defensive (not intentional), so thanks to everyone who added to the discussion.

Op, I’m having similar thoughts. I have 3 young kids (4-8 years) make about $200k, DH making around $1M. He’s a big law partner so fairly stable.

Honestly, I’m expecting I’m going to stop working at some point. We outsource a fair amount, although now looking to hire a nanny to do more with the kids after school. But the honest truth is that I want to be the one to be with my kids after school. I loved my kids as infants and toddlers, but the ES years are amazing. And DH works a lot so the kid stuff falls on me, and the pandemic has been so stressful with virtual school and quarantines and closures.

What’s stopping me? It seems stupid to give up $200k per year, and I carry the benefits for our family, easily worth another $50k. I’m pretty invested in my professional identity. I like the work I do. I have held a job of some sort since I was 14 and been financially independent since I left for college (lots of loans). I also want to continue to outsource a bunch of stuff if I quit and I’ll feel bad if that cuts into $$ we are currently saving.

I figure one day I will just feel like I’m done. At that point, I’ll ask my boss if o can go to part time. He will likely say no, and I’ll quit. If by some Miracle he says yes I’ll be delighted, but I’m not expecting it, which is why I won’t ask sooner. If my boss (I report to the head of our organization) calls us back into the office full time, that will also prompt me to quit.

You might just try to get pregnant, and if it doesn’t feel do-able to have two kids and work, just quit after your maternity leave. Sometimes being in those moments makes things more clear.

Quit. Everyone is quitting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've read thought it all, have commented. I do think what people are responding to (when pointing out the potential negative) is that you keep trying to justify. Which means you are not fully convinced it's a good idea. You WANT it to be a good idea. Whatever the case, no one here is going to convince you one way or the other.

If you are determined, go for it and let the chips land where they may.

Thanks, you’re right for sure. I don’t know that it’s the right decision. I’m honestly not trying to justify or be defensive, just trying to explain my situation since maybe if the things people think are risks aren’t actually risks (or as big of risks) in my particular situation, the decision will become clear. I know that isn’t actually true and it won’t become clear cut all of a sudden, but keep hoping if I gather enough opinions and thoughts anyway it will. I do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and opinions even if I was coming off as defensive (not intentional), so thanks to everyone who added to the discussion.

OP, plead update when you have made a decision. I was team "quit"

I will - it’ll be a few weeks but will pop back in with an update.

You better quit fool

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've read thought it all, have commented. I do think what people are responding to (when pointing out the potential negative) is that you keep trying to justify. Which means you are not fully convinced it's a good idea. You WANT it to be a good idea. Whatever the case, no one here is going to convince you one way or the other.

If you are determined, go for it and let the chips land where they may.

Thanks, you’re right for sure. I don’t know that it’s the right decision. I’m honestly not trying to justify or be defensive, just trying to explain my situation since maybe if the things people think are risks aren’t actually risks (or as big of risks) in my particular situation, the decision will become clear. I know that isn’t actually true and it won’t become clear cut all of a sudden, but keep hoping if I gather enough opinions and thoughts anyway it will. I do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and opinions even if I was coming off as defensive (not intentional), so thanks to everyone who added to the discussion.

OP, plead update when you have made a decision. I was team "quit"

I will - it’ll be a few weeks but will pop back in with an update.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've read thought it all, have commented. I do think what people are responding to (when pointing out the potential negative) is that you keep trying to justify. Which means you are not fully convinced it's a good idea. You WANT it to be a good idea. Whatever the case, no one here is going to convince you one way or the other.

If you are determined, go for it and let the chips land where they may.

Thanks, you’re right for sure. I don’t know that it’s the right decision. I’m honestly not trying to justify or be defensive, just trying to explain my situation since maybe if the things people think are risks aren’t actually risks (or as big of risks) in my particular situation, the decision will become clear. I know that isn’t actually true and it won’t become clear cut all of a sudden, but keep hoping if I gather enough opinions and thoughts anyway it will. I do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and opinions even if I was coming off as defensive (not intentional), so thanks to everyone who added to the discussion.

OP, plead update when you have made a decision. I was team "quit"

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've read thought it all, have commented. I do think what people are responding to (when pointing out the potential negative) is that you keep trying to justify. Which means you are not fully convinced it's a good idea. You WANT it to be a good idea. Whatever the case, no one here is going to convince you one way or the other.

If you are determined, go for it and let the chips land where they may.

Thanks, you’re right for sure. I don’t know that it’s the right decision. I’m honestly not trying to justify or be defensive, just trying to explain my situation since maybe if the things people think are risks aren’t actually risks (or as big of risks) in my particular situation, the decision will become clear. I know that isn’t actually true and it won’t become clear cut all of a sudden, but keep hoping if I gather enough opinions and thoughts anyway it will. I do appreciate everyone’s suggestions and opinions even if I was coming off as defensive (not intentional), so thanks to everyone who added to the discussion.