Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I can sum this thread up:

OP and her DH are millionaires, but really want to spend time with FIL (who by the way was an asshole who abandoned DH at age 5 and is married to stepMIL who insists they spend all their money on her bio kids and not DH) is just too expensive. Is that right? Did I miss anything?

I feel like OP is getting a lot of heat just because she and DH are rich. That's not the point. Just because you have money doesn't mean you should be willing to throw some of it away. The point is she is frustrated with spending all of her vacation money (and it seems vacation time) on visiting FIL and SMIL when they never make an effort. It doesn't matter that she has the money to take these vacations. They are not after an inheritance. She's venting because it seems like a complete waste given the lack of effort from her ILs. It also doesn't help that FIL has been a jerk to DH for practically all of his life. Not sure why people are focusing on OP's wealth as if having money is supposed to solve all problems.

FIL sounds like an ass. What I don't understand is WHY she wants to spend time with hiM?

Why not move where the ILs live? Or move them near you?

You can ask them to live with you for couple of months each year.

My husband has told me that an international first class round trip ticket to my country only costs 3K. If I have to make an annual trip to see my elderly parents for the next 10 years, that is only 30K and it will be very well spent.

I understand how expensive every thing is but all relationships will cost money. Even having children, raising them, educating them and marrying them off costs money. What should you do? Not have kids? Be a childless orphan?

Sheesh!

They probably just don’t like you very much. I say this as a person whose extended family never visits, even through we go and see them.

Anonymous wrote:You are coming across as a selfish and greedy person from this post. Are you or is this a wrong assumption?

You must be OPs inlaws. I'm just wondering how you concluded the above from her post.

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I can sum this thread up:

OP and her DH are millionaires, but really want to spend time with FIL (who by the way was an asshole who abandoned DH at age 5 and is married to stepMIL who insists they spend all their money on her bio kids and not DH) is just too expensive. Is that right? Did I miss anything?

JFC guys, many folks in this area are technically millionaires because they have a lot of equity in retirement funds, residential/rental property and investment accounts they don't want to liquidate. None of which they want to immediate liquidate. They're millionaires on paper but not in their active lives. Stop being obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I can sum this thread up:

OP and her DH are millionaires, but really want to spend time with FIL (who by the way was an asshole who abandoned DH at age 5 and is married to stepMIL who insists they spend all their money on her bio kids and not DH) is just too expensive. Is that right? Did I miss anything?

I feel like OP is getting a lot of heat just because she and DH are rich. That's not the point. Just because you have money doesn't mean you should be willing to throw some of it away. The point is she is frustrated with spending all of her vacation money (and it seems vacation time) on visiting FIL and SMIL when they never make an effort. It doesn't matter that she has the money to take these vacations. They are not after an inheritance. She's venting because it seems like a complete waste given the lack of effort from her ILs. It also doesn't help that FIL has been a jerk to DH for practically all of his life. Not sure why people are focusing on OP's wealth as if having money is supposed to solve all problems.

Let me see if I can sum this thread up:

OP and her DH are millionaires, but really want to spend time with FIL (who by the way was an asshole who abandoned DH at age 5 and is married to stepMIL who insists they spend all their money on her bio kids and not DH) is just too expensive. Is that right? Did I miss anything?

Something seems off. Was FIL in DH’s life or not? You make it sounds like he wasn’t since Dh was age 5.

Dh’s dad is remarried and he has only visited us once in 14 years. He did come to our wedding.

Where do in laws live? Is it where both FIL/SMIL and MIL?

I am from the northeast and like to visit. We go at least once a year.

Can your Dh go alone? Dh doesn’t always come with me to visit my parents. My dad is old and it is hard for them to travel.

So you’re millionaires, but you can’t afford to go on vacation and visit the in-laws? It’s one or the other?

Troll on.

Any chance DH is not FIL's biological child? It seems pretty extreme for a married man to leave his wife and son, cut them off financially when his ex didn't have money of her own, and then remarry and take care of his new kids only. It seems a part of this story is missing. Meanwhile DH is trying to create a relationship with the father he never had...

OP, I agree with the posters who say this is between your DH and his father. I also understand not wanting to allocate your own family's funds to visiting every year when there is no reciprocation and the relationship is fragile. Tell your DH you both need to find a compromise where the emphasis is on your family. If the vacation budget is X, then money for FIL/SMIL visits can be no more than 10% of X. If that means only DH can visit or only FIL can fly in for 3 days then so be it. Then spend some time every now and then doing the cheap/free stuff to stay in touch with FIL and SMIL. Do Facetime, have the grandkids send cards for holidays and birthdays, etc. At the same time consider encouraging your DH to seek therapy. It's not clear what he's looking for from the relationship but given FIL's track record who's to say more disappointments aren't on the way.

I would not put any effort into visiting a dead beat dad. Men who avoid child support and abandon their kids emotionally and financially are scum IMO.

My goals is to make sure my family gets quality time with each other that doesn't drain us of our time and resources. We only have so much time to travel and visit people. I don't want to waste it. It needs to be a 2 way street in my opinion.

What is the goal for you of the relationship — it works as long as there’s monetary gain and no financial loss ever for your family?

Your DH may simply value having a relationship with his father. He probably sees himself as a good son and values that. This is something you’ll need to work out with your DH and not your ILs.
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