If you're providing a home for a unwanted abandoned child you've done a great thing. What else is there to say????

With all due respect, as someone who adopted an older child, and has been told this numerous times, I think it oversimplifies a very complex situation. That attitude sends an implicit message to adopted kids that they should be grateful that someone "saved" them. It can be be really stifling to the children---especially in situations where the child may have been an adopted at an older age and spent years hoping and being on best behavior in order to get "picked" by a family.

I'm nowhere near a perfect mom. No mom is. And my child---regardless of how they joined our family---has a right to the same exasperations and frustrations with me as any biological child has with their mother.

If you're providing a home for a unwanted abandoned child you've done a great thing. What else is there to say????

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
As a teacher I have contact with many adopted older kids. I think it would help if there was not such a push to proclaim adoption status and look for bio parents. There are plenty of naturally born children who do not know every detail of their parents and ancestors lives … and they are going very well in life. Making it an issue is just that: making it an issue. I’m sure I will get flamed for this. I have had so many students introduced themselves as “Hi I’m Jacob and I’m adopted!” It’s ok but is it really your only identity?


As a teacher, please make sure you’re not using “naturally born” in your vocabulary anymore.

Kids may be telling you this because there are lots of events/projects throughout school that are still predicated on the traditional mom/dad/biologically born children nuclear family.
Making "Mother's Day" cards in art class.
Family tree projects.
"Culture" projects.
discussions regarding genetics in science class (brown eyes/blue eyes).

All of these are topics where teachers subconsciously go to the nuclear/bio family norm and kids can feel uncomfortable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Lol. DNA will decide this for you in short time, dear.

Said by someone who obviously has no idea what open adoption is. Even if the DNA test can identify a birth parent, that isn't the same thing at all.

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher I have contact with many adopted older kids. I think it would help if there was not such a push to proclaim adoption status and look for bio parents. There are plenty of naturally born children who do not know every detail of their parents and ancestors lives … and they are going very well in life. Making it an issue is just that: making it an issue. I’m sure I will get flamed for this. I have had so many students introduced themselves as “Hi I’m Jacob and I’m adopted!” It’s ok but is it really your only identity?

adoptive mom here. I’ve literally never heard my kid or any other kid say this. We are in a super group for interracial adoptive families so I’m around other adoptive kids not just my own. Never heard s kid say this or a parent say their kid says it. So it doesn’t mean it never happened. But it’s not common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Well actually, your child did not get a vote. So, it would be more accurate to say "not for my husband and me."

No, it does not mean that. It means for the whole family.

Minor children do not get a say in the decisions of adults. Do you consult your kids for major parental decisions?

The anti-adopters on here need to get out. We are here to support and encourage adoptions.

And yet any consideration of the child's beliefs or feelings....still about you, isn't it?

Shut up

The adoptee community will never shut up. It's only in recent years that we've achieved community, access to information and
legal protection. We are not commodities for childless people. We have a genetic history, identity, and rights that your paperwork is meaningless against.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher I have contact with many adopted older kids. I think it would help if there was not such a push to proclaim adoption status and look for bio parents. There are plenty of naturally born children who do not know every detail of their parents and ancestors lives … and they are going very well in life. Making it an issue is just that: making it an issue. I’m sure I will get flamed for this. I have had so many students introduced themselves as “Hi I’m Jacob and I’m adopted!” It’s ok but is it really your only identity?

As a teacher, please make sure you’re not using “naturally born” in your vocabulary anymore.

I truly hope you are never my child's teacher. Did it occur to you some kids are proud of being adopted and knowing biological family takes away a lot of adoption issues if the biological family is supportive. My child doesn't have to wonder where they came from or who their relatives are. I don't have to worry about them taking my child away from me. My child has no issue saying they are adopted and as a teacher you probably couldn't easily figure out which grandparent or aunt/uncle was from which family as they all have equal status. My child is very interested in his culture and heritage. We fully support it.

Adoption is how they joined the family. It is not their identity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Well actually, your child did not get a vote. So, it would be more accurate to say "not for my husband and me."

No, it does not mean that. It means for the whole family.

Minor children do not get a say in the decisions of adults. Do you consult your kids for major parental decisions?

The anti-adopters on here need to get out. We are here to support and encourage adoptions.

And yet any consideration of the child's beliefs or feelings....still about you, isn't it?

Shut up

Anonymous wrote:"the closest thing to a miracle that we have ever experienced"

This, exactly PP, you have captured it perfectly.

--another grateful adoptive mom

+ 1
Miracle sums up my adopted daughter. Stars were aligned!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a lot of research about (domestic) open adoptions. Realize the life-long implications of having the birth parent(s) and their extended families involved in your child's life, and if that is something you are willing to take on.

We only want to do closed adoption.

Is it only possibly trough international adoption?

Mine was domestic and closed

Anonymous wrote:I consider private adoptions (brokered by attorneys) to be MUCH more susceptible to ethical problems and coercion than adoptions brokered by licensed US agencies. This is particularly true when the birth mothers in question are from poor countries.

This is all correct. What it's called is child trafficking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Well actually, your child did not get a vote. So, it would be more accurate to say "not for my husband and me."

No, it does not mean that. It means for the whole family.

Minor children do not get a say in the decisions of adults. Do you consult your kids for major parental decisions?

The anti-adopters on here need to get out. We are here to support and encourage adoptions.

And yet any consideration of the child's beliefs or feelings....still about you, isn't it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Well actually, your child did not get a vote. So, it would be more accurate to say "not for my husband and me."

Bingo. Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher I have contact with many adopted older kids. I think it would help if there was not such a push to proclaim adoption status and look for bio parents. There are plenty of naturally born children who do not know every detail of their parents and ancestors lives … and they are going very well in life. Making it an issue is just that: making it an issue. I’m sure I will get flamed for this. I have had so many students introduced themselves as “Hi I’m Jacob and I’m adopted!” It’s ok but is it really your only identity?

They really should be more considerate when expressing their identity, amirite?

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Lol. DNA will decide this for you in short time, dear.