Anonymous wrote:My DH often naps after lunch when at his parents or sometimes even at his brothers house. Usually falls asleep on the sofa and MIL makes us all (including 5 young children) be quiet until he wakes up from his nap. Drives me insane.

MIL claims he must need to nap because ‘he works so hard.’ All of us work too and do most of the home/kid management on top of that…. but he’s the golden child of the family.

If you need sleep, why don’t you get it rather than begrudging your husband that time?

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Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s endearing that they feel so comfortable at the sister’s home to make themselves feel at home enough to seek out couches for napping. It sounds like they relish these naps. It’s their routine for some reason. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this, but they have been doing it for years according to the Op. Why is this now becoming an issue for you, Op?

Exactly this. I find this culture so weird that they’d find napping inconsiderate and unnatural. These people aren’t strangers. Let them be. I wouldnt mind it one bit if my sister or BIL napped at my house. I want them to feel at home. But that’s my culture.

I think it’s rude. You go to someone’s home to enjoy their company, to catch up - not to fall unconscious and make that person feel like they need to be quiet in their own home to make sure you can sleep soundly.

It’s her SISTER. Why are you all so freaking formal with each other even with blood relatives? I don’t get it

Is it a white people thing? It would be very common in my culture where close relatives would feel comfortable enough to nap.

Because it’s my sister I would feel the need to be quiet and not disturb her sleep. But that means I’m not able to do what I want in my own home, and that’s why it’s rude.

But of course my sister wouldn’t do this to me!

So send them both downstairs or to a guest room. Or use it as a moment to go to your own room. We’re talking about an hour or two every so often, right? At bottom, Americans look down on people who need sleep. Read these boards about spouses who sleep early. They associate sleep with laziness when really it’s just a biological need like any other.

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Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s endearing that they feel so comfortable at the sister’s home to make themselves feel at home enough to seek out couches for napping. It sounds like they relish these naps. It’s their routine for some reason. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this, but they have been doing it for years according to the Op. Why is this now becoming an issue for you, Op?

Exactly this. I find this culture so weird that they’d find napping inconsiderate and unnatural. These people aren’t strangers. Let them be. I wouldnt mind it one bit if my sister or BIL napped at my house. I want them to feel at home. But that’s my culture.

I think it’s rude. You go to someone’s home to enjoy their company, to catch up - not to fall unconscious and make that person feel like they need to be quiet in their own home to make sure you can sleep soundly.

It’s her SISTER. Why are you all so freaking formal with each other even with blood relatives? I don’t get it

Is it a white people thing? It would be very common in my culture where close relatives would feel comfortable enough to nap.

It might be a white people thing, but I’m white and I think the behavior OP describes is beyond weird. When I visit my brother and MIL I often do take naps, but it’s during a visit that is long, like all-day, and DH and the kids are hanging around people. (DH might do it too). And I definitely wouldn’t expect people to be quiet for me.

My DH often naps after lunch when at his parents or sometimes even at his brothers house. Usually falls asleep on the sofa and MIL makes us all (including 5 young children) be quiet until he wakes up from his nap. Drives me insane.

MIL claims he must need to nap because ‘he works so hard.’ All of us work too and do most of the home/kid management on top of that…. but he’s the golden child of the family.

It’s weird, but if they’re in their 50s and have been doing this for many years, they are very unlikely to change. So you’ll just have to deal with the weirdness.

I mean you're the one that keeps doing the same thing over and over again too. Stop inviting them for lunch. Next time say, "hey you guys come over after your afternoon nap. we can go for a walk and play a game."

Did OP say how long the naps usually were?

Anonymous wrote:I have got used to DH napping all the time. I found it weird at first as I rarely nap and certainly never when having company or visiting others.

But this is your sister. If the napping is not hurting anyone, I would let it go. As others have said, there may be medical Reasons for it.

If otherwise your sister is nice and you enjoy her company, I would Just use that napping time to do whatever else you need to do.

There is no one way for family to get along. But we all need to make compromises to get along.

Good luck OP.

It’s not a medical reason when it’s two separate people doing it, sister and her husband.

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Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s endearing that they feel so comfortable at the sister’s home to make themselves feel at home enough to seek out couches for napping. It sounds like they relish these naps. It’s their routine for some reason. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this, but they have been doing it for years according to the Op. Why is this now becoming an issue for you, Op?

Exactly this. I find this culture so weird that they’d find napping inconsiderate and unnatural. These people aren’t strangers. Let them be. I wouldnt mind it one bit if my sister or BIL napped at my house. I want them to feel at home. But that’s my culture.

I think it’s rude. You go to someone’s home to enjoy their company, to catch up - not to fall unconscious and make that person feel like they need to be quiet in their own home to make sure you can sleep soundly.

It’s her SISTER. Why are you all so freaking formal with each other even with blood relatives? I don’t get it

Is it a white people thing? It would be very common in my culture where close relatives would feel comfortable enough to nap.

Because it’s my sister I would feel the need to be quiet and not disturb her sleep. But that means I’m not able to do what I want in my own home, and that’s why it’s rude.

But of course my sister wouldn’t do this to me!

I have got used to DH napping all the time. I found it weird at first as I rarely nap and certainly never when having company or visiting others.

But this is your sister. If the napping is not hurting anyone, I would let it go. As others have said, there may be medical Reasons for it.

If otherwise your sister is nice and you enjoy her company, I would Just use that napping time to do whatever else you need to do.

There is no one way for family to get along. But we all need to make compromises to get along.

Good luck OP.

I'm jealous. I can't nap. If I could though I would go home.

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Anonymous wrote:I love napping so much. And I'm an introvert. I would absolutely do this if I were visiting family.

What's so strange to me is how you've decided that something completely innocuous is weird, and you want to punish them for it. I mean, WTH?

I love napping, but I can stay awake when I am a guest in someone’s home.

Same! I love getting up early and staying up late and regularly make up sleep on the afternoon, even on work days. But I would never take a nap at someone else’s house during a short visit - that just seems weird and rude, especially because they commandeer the living area even when their host expresses discomfort about it. I would not want to have to tiptoe around sleeping guests if I’m hosting someone. It’s the differing comfort levels that don’t work, rather than the act itself. They don’t think they are being bad guests, but the host disagrees.

Like licking your plates - what if you always lick them at home and can’t imagine not licking your plates after a meal, to the point that you must do it everywhere. Nothing wrong with the act itself, but there’s a time and a place.

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Anonymous wrote:This is pretty wild. I probably wouldn’t say anything but it is completely weird behavior. I am also curious to know how long the visits are and how long they nap. If they are only there for 2-3hrs it seems so strange that a nap would be required at every visit.

I’ve never encountered a healthy adult with a strict nap schedule.

+1.

You've obviously never travelled to other countries. Napping is very common in MANY countries. In fact, many curtail all business activities (stores, offices, etc.) for a couple of hours every afternoon to accommodate the cultural habit of mid-day napping.

Yes, but that's because it's too hot in these places to do anything during that time of day. And it's balanced by early starts and/or late work and dinner schedule.

Not in my experience. They nap all year long including winters where it is not hot during the day. They typically start around 9-ish, have a 2-3 hour break mid-day and then go back for a couple of hours in the late afternoon. Work day is typically over about 6 p.m.

I don't ever nap but I wouldn't mind if someone took a nap in my house after a meal.

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Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s endearing that they feel so comfortable at the sister’s home to make themselves feel at home enough to seek out couches for napping. It sounds like they relish these naps. It’s their routine for some reason. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this, but they have been doing it for years according to the Op. Why is this now becoming an issue for you, Op?

Exactly this. I find this culture so weird that they’d find napping inconsiderate and unnatural. These people aren’t strangers. Let them be. I wouldnt mind it one bit if my sister or BIL napped at my house. I want them to feel at home. But that’s my culture.

I think it’s rude. You go to someone’s home to enjoy their company, to catch up - not to fall unconscious and make that person feel like they need to be quiet in their own home to make sure you can sleep soundly.

It’s her SISTER. Why are you all so freaking formal with each other even with blood relatives? I don’t get it

Is it a white people thing? It would be very common in my culture where close relatives would feel comfortable enough to nap.