Anonymous wrote:In my home country, middle and upper middle class folks buy a birth package at a private hospital. Most opt for scheduled C-sections and show up with full hair and makeup for photos. Total opposite of DCUM’s preferences. It’s a competitive market. I wish hospitals would do more to compete for our business actually.

South America.

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the haters, op.

As a mother of 4, I feel you.

Here’s what others don’t realize: luxury matters.

The women in the know do this:

-Pack luxury bed linens.
-Arrange a chef to drop off meals at the appointed time.
-Line up your florist ahead of time for an elegant arrangement.
-Contract with a reputable photographer, makeup artist, hairdresser, etc. for the hospital photos. Don’t forget to arrange for a “birthday” cake and champagne.
-I hope you’ve already consulted with a plastic surgeon to coordinate the tummy tuck with your scheduled c-section.

Those women are not "in the know", they are high maintenance as hell.

In my home country, middle and upper middle class folks buy a birth package at a private hospital. Most opt for scheduled C-sections and show up with full hair and makeup for photos. Total opposite of DCUM’s preferences. It’s a competitive market. I wish hospitals would do more to compete for our business actually.

I’m the ‘you’re all self righteous’ poster born in 1984.

I fell victim to the ‘you’re selfish if you want a nice experience’ mentality when I had my second child (not in DC). The biggest hospital here is referred to as ‘a baby factory’ or ‘the baby spa’ because of its relatively plush experience. I rolled my eyes at moms who cared about such fluff and instead rode my high horse to an ‘inner city’ hospital closer to my house where I was told I was lucky I didn’t have to share a recovery room. I had an extremely complicated recovery and was at the hospital for what seemed like forever (it wasn’t forever, it was like 5 days). I received excellent care from fantastic doctors and nurses but DAMN by day 4 did I wish I was in the plush hospital, where the care would have been just as good, I assume, and I would have been able to sleep better on a more comfortable bed with a view of the lake and a huge tv with cable. I am EXTREMELY glad I wasn’t at WHC where I had my first baby because at this hospital at least the recovery food tasted good. WHCs was atrocious at the time.

Mom matters and I think we should all demand better recovery care, which includes the nice fluff that isn’t standard care in much of the country anymore but used to be. I think nurses need to be paid more. I think we should all get a bottle of champagne when we deliver. I think our food should taste good. I think being told that we have to choose or are selfish for thinking about what we now call ‘luxury’ is a trap we’ve all fallen for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

"Dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" are reasonable expectations for any hospital experience. 'Luxury experiences' and 'gifts' (which OP asked for) are kind of extra, no?

Luxury experiences literally means decent sheets for a woman who just gave birth. Gifts are a couple of special swaddles she will be paying for anyway. What does it possibly take away from you for a new mom to be ever so slightly indulged at her own expense, taking nothing away from anyone, diminishing no one else’s experience one atom, a day after giving birth?

Obviously in theory it takes away nothing, and I do not care - but it's disingenuous for OP to make it sound like she's previously been Mary in the manger and is now just looking for 'dignity' when her original request was for gifts and celebratory meals. I feel like if that's important to you as parents, you can coordinate it for yourself, rather than make it an expectation of a health care facility. If the hospital coordinates those services as part of a business decision, great (seems like Inova does, for example), but I can also easily picture a scenario where entitled parents make life hell for an overburdened nurse or floor administrator because their "luxury amenity" expectations aren't met, and that to me is especially tone-deaf 2 years into a pandemic.

I delivered at INOVA in September of 2020– pre-vaccine pandemic time. They were falling all over themselves to push the luxury packages because, with the end of in-person hospital tours, there was no opportunity to try to have people upgrade. There is no additional nursing care you get, you get decent sheets and a celebratory meal— the nursing staff isn’t responsible for either. Personally I think all women are entitled to at least that much consideration and I think that a mother who went through the additional stress and anxiety of pregnancy and childbirth in the pandemic you mention is doubly entitled to at least that. She won’t have any visitors— they wouldn’t even let my parents sent me flowers to my room, they sent the bouquet home with us when we were discharged— she will have no one bringing her a special treat. Pregnant women didn’t cause the pandemic and expecting to be cared for isn’t “making life hell” on anyone. If a woman having a decent dinner on adequate sheets “makes life hell” on someone, they should not be a maternity ward nurse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

"Dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" are reasonable expectations for any hospital experience. 'Luxury experiences' and 'gifts' (which OP asked for) are kind of extra, no?

Luxury experiences literally means decent sheets for a woman who just gave birth. Gifts are a couple of special swaddles she will be paying for anyway. What does it possibly take away from you for a new mom to be ever so slightly indulged at her own expense, taking nothing away from anyone, diminishing no one else’s experience one atom, a day after giving birth?

Obviously in theory it takes away nothing, and I do not care - but it's disingenuous for OP to make it sound like she's previously been Mary in the manger and is now just looking for 'dignity' when her original request was for gifts and celebratory meals. I feel like if that's important to you as parents, you can coordinate it for yourself, rather than make it an expectation of a health care facility. If the hospital coordinates those services as part of a business decision, great (seems like Inova does, for example), but I can also easily picture a scenario where entitled parents make life hell for an overburdened nurse or floor administrator because their "luxury amenity" expectations aren't met, and that to me is especially tone-deaf 2 years into a pandemic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

"Dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" are reasonable expectations for any hospital experience. 'Luxury experiences' and 'gifts' (which OP asked for) are kind of extra, no?

Luxury experiences literally means decent sheets for a woman who just gave birth. Gifts are a couple of special swaddles she will be paying for anyway. What does it possibly take away from you for a new mom to be ever so slightly indulged at her own expense, taking nothing away from anyone, diminishing no one else’s experience one atom, a day after giving birth?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

I’m a DP but you and the previous poster are both wholly right, and the shrieking of people who want women to accept less is something you should ignore. Have a beautiful baby and as relaxing a birth and hospital stay as you can possible arrange.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

"Dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" are reasonable expectations for any hospital experience. 'Luxury experiences' and 'gifts' (which OP asked for) are kind of extra, no?

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

OP: *deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

What makes this all really interesting is that I'm actually a pretty low-frills person IRL. I don't drive a fancy car, I don't even wear jewelry or very expensive things. The last thing I think I splurged on were maternity leggings to wear for extra layers b/c of the cold.

I just figured I would ask for what the PP poster so aptly said: "dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food" when I give birth. So once again, sorry if my question offended anyone. But I do feel sad at the state of our healthcare system, if asking for these things can be seen as "asking for too much".

Anonymous wrote:You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

*deep sigh* Thank you. Thank you so much for hearing me.

OP I have solved your problem! On the c-section thread, one of the very few normal-sounding posters said that private hospitals in Brazil are the HEIGHT of luxury. You NEED to deliver in Brazil. Go now!!!

You are all so blinded by your self-righteousness that you can’t see that this kind of bickering is exactly why maternal care in the US is subpar.

Area woman requests pleasant birthing experience for her fourth delivery. Local internet Mom’s group admonishes her for not being grateful that she has basic medical care during a pandemic.

I mean come on. OP has every right — as do we all — to ask for dignity, warmth, privacy, and good food when she gives birth. It’s only because we’ve lived in this messed up health care system that OP’s note bothers people: we’re all scrambling for crumbs and then someone remembers that bread exists.

I was born in 1984. The hospital gave her and my dad Champagne and glasses for it and they still have those glasses to this day. Dad bought a bottle of port around the day I was born and we drank it together from those glasses 21 years later. So, yeah. You do you, OP. Get that pleasant birth. Ask for the damn bread.

(You won’t find it at WHC or GW, although I will defend WHC on other measures… but their postpartum experience is nothing to write home about).

Op here - never heard of that, I room in with the baby myself and nurse, change diapers, etc.

OP not to derail the thread but *is* it possible to hire additional nursing support? Like a nurse for you to actually answer the call bell promptly, schedule check ins around your sleep, etc? Because I would *happily* pay for that if it’s an option…