Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry a man who was wonderful, but very low earning, with little possibility of change?

If you both love each other then sure why not? Your earnings doesn’t have to be equal. You can earn more and he can help out more with home and kids. Men have been doing it for ages, there is much more required to have a good family life than dollars.

bad advice The fact that OP is even wondering means this is actually something that is important to her. Honestly 60k in this area is low income. If you are in the DMV, you will live in bad school districts and not take goo dvacations, no options for private etc. If you live in elsewhere it may not be so bad. Money doesn't buy love, but it buys choices and do you want to pay aliminony to this guy?

I’m certain at some point my mother made more than my father. She took time off work for awhile while my brother was small - from about 1973 - 1978, returning to work as an ICU nurse when my brother started 1st grade. My father had been partner in a Miami law firm from approx. 1975 -1985 or so when he left for another firm. That firm dissolved when one of its founding partners was convicted of helping an organized crime ring hide assets in the Cayman Islands and money laundering. My father was not involved but boy were there some stories, such as the involvement of an erstwhile Latin American dictator (Miami in the 1980s was not boring). He was independent after that so my mother carried the health insurance. My father said his paychecks as a USAF reserve pilot put us through college.

Yes, I did. But now he makes a lot of money so bonus for me!

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a woman who wants children and is okay with being the permanent breadwinner. It is coded into DNA and I honestly don’t see one generation of feminists overcoming hardwired subconscious disdain for low-performing men.

I think it’s that feminists haven’t managed to make pregnancy and young-child discrimination go away, and most women don’t want to be taking the hit at work and still responsible for more at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Do you have kids? How old are his kids? I would lean towards living together in a committed relationship that isn’t considered a common law marriage and re-evaluate when all the kids are launched. Otherwise, you will be financially supporting his two kids in some way with no real say in how he raises them. It could mess up their college financial aid if suddenly your income has to be included as the step parent. You are also basically funding his retirement. This is if you stay together. If you get divorced he can get half.

Wait, OP…you are thinking of marrying a man with no money but a ton of baggage? Hard no.

+1 If no plans for kids of your own, zero reason to marry. Enjoy the relationship, and separate finances!

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If you want more money, make more money. A man is not obligated to be a high earner simply because he has XY chromosomes and a penis. Love, respect, and shared values are what is important.

No why would I want the stress of being the breadwinner and providing health insurance? If I have to work I want a low stress, low hour job in a field I care about.

I’ve never met a woman who wants children and is okay with being the permanent breadwinner. It is coded into DNA and I honestly don’t see one generation of feminists overcoming hardwired subconscious disdain for low-performing men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Do you have kids? How old are his kids? I would lean towards living together in a committed relationship that isn’t considered a common law marriage and re-evaluate when all the kids are launched. Otherwise, you will be financially supporting his two kids in some way with no real say in how he raises them. It could mess up their college financial aid if suddenly your income has to be included as the step parent. You are also basically funding his retirement. This is if you stay together. If you get divorced he can get half.

Wait, OP…you are thinking of marrying a man with no money but a ton of baggage? Hard no.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Do you have kids? How old are his kids? I would lean towards living together in a committed relationship that isn’t considered a common law marriage and re-evaluate when all the kids are launched. Otherwise, you will be financially supporting his two kids in some way with no real say in how he raises them. It could mess up their college financial aid if suddenly your income has to be included as the step parent. You are also basically funding his retirement. This is if you stay together. If you get divorced he can get half.

Came from no money? Sure.

30 and still has no money, can't live within his means and won't move up at work? no.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Why marry if you don't want children?

Yes. If you want more money, make more money. A man is not obligated to be a high earner simply because he has XY chromosomes and a penis. Love, respect, and shared values are what is important.

I did. At 30 I married my husband who made 70k and I made 50k. We were miserable as neither of us came from money nor were we high earning. Everything was out of reach. We lived paycheck to paycheck as he also had 1k in student loans per month. He resented me for being unhappy and cheated on me viscously out of anger and we are now divorced.

Married to someone who makes 450k+ a year and never been happier. Money gives you options to do things in life.

Glad to know $170K puts me in the top 10 percent of earners.

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry a man who was wonderful, but very low earning, with little possibility of change?

If you both love each other then sure why not? Your earnings doesn’t have to be equal. You can earn more and he can help out more with home and kids. Men have been doing it for ages, there is much more required to have a good family life than dollars.