Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[not OP]

I don't understand how you can still think this is a simple solution to the actual problem that OP faces. Did you just skip reading the thread?

What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea if this would work for your family but perhaps having the meal buffet style with a separate childrens' table? Seems less likely that the adults will notice what the kids are eating.

OP here,

Am I the only one who really hates the children's table? I'd rather serve all "kid friendly food" then banish my children from the table.

That's funny -- as a kid we LOVED the children's table. It was the most fun!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

If you’re hosting the meal and cooking then ask your relative to bring something that her kids will eat.

We'll have a ton of things her kids will eat.

The issue is that she thinks that we should only have things her kids will eat. For example, there has been discussion of Beef Wellington. Her kids don't like mushrooms. But we'll also have ham, which they like, and mac and cheese which they love and turkey which they're OK with. So, the kids will not be protein deprived. Same with every food group.

Anonymous wrote:We always made our kids eat what was cooked for dinner but actually not at holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This situation finally makes sense to me with your 11:49 update, OP. The following part really stood out:

“I think one dynamic is that she is pretty competitive and it bothers her that my kids eat "better"* than hers. Like, it's embarrassing to her when her kids are fussing about how they don't want something, and my kids are happily eating the same thing. So, she'd like to avoid that situation. My solution to that problem would be to tell the kids that they can say no thank you, but they need to do it politely without fussing. Her solution would be to not serve foods that her kids won't eat, so my kids won't be able to "show off".”

I’m assuming this is your sister you are talking about, and she’s seeking to avoid judgment from your parents and the extended family. The reality is that most families do judge picky eaters and many blame the parents to some extent. So her concern is reasonable, but her approach for avoiding this judgment is absolutely controlling, bizarre, and inappropriate. She needs to learn how to find a way to be happy in life without “winning” the parenting wars. There is not one single accommodation you need to make in this situation. If she has any sense at all, she’ll just load up her kids’ plates with whatever of the offerings they like and hope no one notices. If great Aunt Sally comments that she noticed your sister’s kids have not eaten the larks tongues in aspic (or whatever) and you are feeling charitable, you can help steer the conversation toward a less loaded subject.

It's not actually my sister, not that it matters other than if I had grown up in the same household, I might have grown a backbone by now?

I think one thing that has come away from this is that most families who serve large meals serve them buffet style. I am wondering if switching to that might help? I keep seeing people talking about filling plates. We have never done that, and until this thread I hadn't thought about that as a really key difference. For a meal like this, there is someone at the "head" of each table (we don't all fit at one table) who has a platter with all the proteins -- so it might be ham, turkey, beef or something like that. They ask each person what they want, and then it gets passed down to them. Then the rest of the dishes are passed. The kids usually sit by someone they don't live with, and if they're little, that person helps them help themselves if that makes sense.

But it means that the differences in ways kids eat is very obvious, and while I don't think anyone says judgmental things, I do think she feels embarrassed. Part of it is that her kids draw attention to themselves when there is a food they don't like. So, the larks' tongues come and they ask "Do I have to?" or they say "Eww what's that" or "I don't want to eat that" and everyone hears. My kids might not eat larks tongue, but they're much more likely to just take it and turn to the person next to them and say "would you like some larks' tongues?". But that difference is because my kids have some kind of eating superpower, it's just because the holiday meals are served in the way I serve things at home, whereas she plates the kids' food at her house.

I wonder if switching to a buffet, so she can prepare plates for her kids would make it feel less public? That is a compromise we could absolutely make. We'll all continue to cook what we like, with a mix of kid pleasers and more adventurous stuff, and change how we serve it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea if this would work for your family but perhaps having the meal buffet style with a separate childrens' table? Seems less likely that the adults will notice what the kids are eating.

OP here,

Am I the only one who really hates the children's table? I'd rather serve all "kid friendly food" then banish my children from the table.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea if this would work for your family but perhaps having the meal buffet style with a separate childrens' table? Seems less likely that the adults will notice what the kids are eating.

OP here,

Am I the only one who really hates the children's table? I'd rather serve all "kid friendly food" then banish my children from the table.

Anonymous wrote:No idea if this would work for your family but perhaps having the meal buffet style with a separate childrens' table? Seems less likely that the adults will notice what the kids are eating.

Anonymous wrote:This situation finally makes sense to me with your 11:49 update, OP. The following part really stood out:

“I think one dynamic is that she is pretty competitive and it bothers her that my kids eat "better"* than hers. Like, it's embarrassing to her when her kids are fussing about how they don't want something, and my kids are happily eating the same thing. So, she'd like to avoid that situation. My solution to that problem would be to tell the kids that they can say no thank you, but they need to do it politely without fussing. Her solution would be to not serve foods that her kids won't eat, so my kids won't be able to "show off".”

I’m assuming this is your sister you are talking about, and she’s seeking to avoid judgment from your parents and the extended family. The reality is that most families do judge picky eaters and many blame the parents to some extent. So her concern is reasonable, but her approach for avoiding this judgment is absolutely controlling, bizarre, and inappropriate. She needs to learn how to find a way to be happy in life without “winning” the parenting wars. There is not one single accommodation you need to make in this situation. If she has any sense at all, she’ll just load up her kids’ plates with whatever of the offerings they like and hope no one notices. If great Aunt Sally comments that she noticed your sister’s kids have not eaten the larks tongues in aspic (or whatever) and you are feeling charitable, you can help steer the conversation toward a less loaded subject.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[not OP]

I don't understand how you can still think this is a simple solution to the actual problem that OP faces. Did you just skip reading the thread?

What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:
OP here,

I think there are two things behind her thinking. One is that she is concerned that her kids eat the "right" nutrition in the "right" proportions. So plating their food and making them eat it ensures that she knows that they ate a vegetable, or a protein, or whatever is important to her.

The other is, I think, that she has the idea that if her kids know that eating what's in front of them isn't negotiable, then she can gradually increase what they eat by adding foods.

But she's got a lot on her plate, and she gets to the end of the day, and she's tired so she makes something that meets her nutritional criteria that's easy and fast and she knows they'll eat. She's making healthy meals, just not a great variety.

How well is it working? Well, that's hard to say.

I think she feels that her kids are naturally very picky, and that the fact that they eat a greater variety of healthy foods than most "picky eaters" is a win.

I think it's also possible that if exposed to more foods, or allowed more choice, they'd eat even more variety. I feed my kids differently, and my kids eat a greater variety of foods than hers do. But that could be because I happen to have unpicky kids. I'm certainly not going to tell her that I think that if she fed her kids like mine they'd eat like mine, because I have no idea if that's true.

I think one dynamic is that she is pretty competitive and it bothers her that my kids eat "better"* than hers. Like, it's embarrassing to her when her kids are fussing about how they don't want something, and my kids are happily eating the same thing. So, she'd like to avoid that situation. My solution to that problem would be to tell the kids that they can say no thank you, but they need to do it politely without fussing. Her solution would be to not serve foods that her kids won't eat, so my kids won't be able to "show off".

*note: I'm using words like better and picky eater and little kid friendly food because that's what she uses, and I'm trying to explain her thinking. I wouldn't use those words to describe my own kids' eating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[not OP]

I don't understand how you can still think this is a simple solution to the actual problem that OP faces. Did you just skip reading the thread?

What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.