Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 17:32     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.

From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age


Uh you should do that anyway WTF is wrong with you

-mom of sons and a daughter who will follow tradition
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 17:28     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.

From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age

No one. Not one person said they’d pay for daughter’s wedding and would not pay for son’s wedding. It’s also not the question asked. But ok, continue with your fake umbrage.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 17:21     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.

From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age


What about My friend with 7 daughters? Does he get a break
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 17:19     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.

From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age


That is a weird pre-nup. I once dated a very rich girl but she had no money of her own. I mean she drove a 12 year old car and lived at home and made 40k a year. I almost married her. The Dad tells me out of blue when just is he likes me a lot. So I won’t have to sign a pre-nup with him and his wife.

I am confused. I actually said what? He said you know one day my daughter will inherit a ton. I don’t want a husband divorcing her and taking half or she dies first and money goes to husband. The prenup with me states after inheritance if you divorce me daughter comes back to her. If she dies first is for grandkids, if no grandkids back to trust my other grandkids.

Funny part I am Catholic don’t believe in divorce they were strict strict Italian Catholics so once in I am in.

That was 30 years ago. The girls mom is a realtor and see her ads and she looks healthy to me. My ex sells insurance as a broker and still has job from when I dated her.

Although the parents had a home they bought in 1972 for one million!! She lived in a 15 bedroom, 7 car garage house on six acres and they had places in Maine, Florida and around 500 rental properties!

But still weird a prenup on a girl with no money. Other than the paid fancy wedding I was getting nothing out of it.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 16:04     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.

From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 15:28     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus.


+1, I’m shocked at how many people are sexist. This sounds more like Alabama Debutante Moms, not DC Urban Moms…


Just want to say that I know lots of old monied, southern families. They all give the same amount or very close to it for the son's wedding.

I think it's a WASP thing that you don't give anything to your sons for their wedding. My inlaws gave $250 for our wedding. Dh and I paid for it ourselves. They paid for both of his sister's weddings in full.


It's not like the son doesn't have a wedding. It's just the bride's family pays for it. Or not, in which case we would certainly pay. In my case I have one of each and we fully paid for DDs wedding so I hope that DS marries someone whose family will cover at least some of the expense.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 15:23     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus.


+1, I’m shocked at how many people are sexist. This sounds more like Alabama Debutante Moms, not DC Urban Moms…


Just want to say that I know lots of old monied, southern families. They all give the same amount or very close to it for the son's wedding.

I think it's a WASP thing that you don't give anything to your sons for their wedding. My inlaws gave $250 for our wedding. Dh and I paid for it ourselves. They paid for both of his sister's weddings in full.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 15:10     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:As a father of three beautiful daughters. All very smart, talented, graduating college debt free. I will gladly pay 100 percent all three weddings.

But I do have stipulations.
1) respectful Groom to be
2) a wedding that considers aunts, uncles, parents of bride and groom.
3) I would like a Catholic mass or at l at some type of service.
4) a guy without piles of debt and. Good career
5) a guy who realizes it is the brides day
6) a guy who has a place for couple to live in.


My widowed poor Mom and my broke older sister paid 100 percent her wedding. Was a very nice wedding. Catholic mass before and the groom had saved me very penny and a little help his parents put 20 percent down on a house with my sister on title. Both had just finished masters degree debt free.

Meanwhile my brothers daughter is marrying a guy without a pot to pee in. Although Catholic and knows a big deal my brother to do a mass does not feel like it, he also wants it in a place 100 percent totally in middle of nowhere. Meaning most guests live in Ny, some in Florida a few in another state. He wants it near his apt in a fourth state. He also wants to control invitation list.

My brother finally said look I am paying 100 percent in NY, or Florida it the third state even. He said no.

The couple then had the balls to say keep the $50,000 you have saved for wedding in your vanguard account and let it grow. As if to say we can inherit more later.

My brother finally said I always wanted a new Camaro Convertible full loaded and could do an extra vacation or two. I will just spend it.

It was hilarious. I honestly think if you gave guy 50k to disappear he would.

Sadly most of today’s men are not worth the dad paying for wedding.

My father in law said you 109 percent plan wedding and pay 100 percent and if good I will give a generous gift.



Good for him. I would have told you to take the money and shove it. If you use money to control people from the start then you'll be living your whole life that way. If my dad put those stipulations on me I'd pay for my own wedding too.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 15:06     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
We helped with the reception and paid for the honeymoon.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2021 15:01     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:Rich people problem alert! (none of this money will effect our retirement money or plans)

Do you try to make that "fair" with your sons? DH wants to just offer each of the kids the same amount, say $100,000, and let them use for wedding and house downpayment. But in truth, I cannot see denying DD the fancy wedding (which we will all truly enjoy) and also helping her get into her first house. For the oldest son, we paid closing costs and whatever else after DS first secured a mortgage loan on his own, which came to just under $100,000.


Yes but probably 1/2 of that wedding cost is about you and your husband and all your friends and family. The wedding isn't about just the couple. It's about the couple and the family and the family friends (and sometimes business friends) that have known the couple all of their lives and that their parents insist must come.

My parents paid for the wedding so I invited their friends (who knew me my whole life and I had a relationship with obviously) but had they said here is 100K I would have had a much smaller cheaper wedding and left off their friends (but they wanted them there to see me and celebrate).
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2021 22:31     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus.

Not sure what you think you’ve read. Unless you’re disturbed that all kids get $100k for down payment and DD gets a lavish wedding, because it’s more like a party for family and friends.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2021 22:29     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus.


+1, I’m shocked at how many people are sexist. This sounds more like Alabama Debutante Moms, not DC Urban Moms…
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2021 22:27     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2021 22:22     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:I plan to follow tradition. Pay only part of sons' weddings (rehearsal dinner and maybe booze) and the majority of DD's. The only thing that would make me change my mind is if DSs fall in love with girls from very modest backgrounds and, without our help, there wouldn't be much wedding to speak of. But otherwise I don't agree it's unfair--each couple gets a wedding.

And I definitely would not short DD downpayment help! These are different things.

When funds are not an issue, this is a good and equitable plan.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2021 22:14     Subject: When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thing I am missing a wedding is not a lot of money to do.

I got married in 1998. We did a nice wedding. We kept guests to 110. We had older aunts and uncles and some couples young kids.

We did a 10 am Mass, did a catering hall near church for a 1-6 wedding.

We spent money on great food and drink, dancing. Pre wedding outside top of line food and drinks, sit down dinner. Wonderful desert selection on top of cake.

Everyone stayed to end unlike those crazy 7- midnight weddings where 1/2 folks leave.

In the end since we focused on guests, kept guest list tight we broke even.

My wife and I paid ourself but got 100 percent back in wedding day. So by not doing it would have saved zero.


That is a very transactional view of a celebration.


It is a transactional relationship. My two older sisters and brother were already married. My last sibling emailed a spreadsheet with the names and addresses of relatives who attended. It included the gift amounts given. So I knew the cost of wedding and ballpark the gift. My wife had similar list from older sister.

I knew ball park what my friends give so did wife. Single people always discuss what they give.

My wife and I laying ourselves were willing to lose money. In my case it appeared the closest people first 40 are generous. Next 40 are break even. The further out you go the lower the gift is.

My one uncle is really cheap I still invited him. He gives $25 dollars and expects you to put him up at your house two days and feed him. Luckily my mom got stuck.

Also bitter checks come. One of my wife’s best friends who was 34 and single with a huge high paying job gave $75 dollars. Not even close to cost and was sane amount a 22 year old would give and she made $250k.

Then a few generous folks. I was scrapping nickels together and my old aunts fixed income and my $25 dollar uncle I am fine with but folks who literally are loaded coming to a wedding that is $130 a plate and giving way under is annoying as same folks who brag they do $500 dinners all the time.

I have been giving $1,000 at weddings since around 2008 if kids invited and $500 if just as a couple. Even $500 a couple for a nice place covers the plates but not much left over.

I don’t think folks have to cover plate. But come somewhat close at least if a modest wedding.

Perhaps this is reason couples are skipping big weddings as the guests are stingy. Cause In normal times a $40k wedding you get at least $30-$35k gifts. Today you get no shows and folks show up a used bowl from a flea market