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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When is the last time your DD saw her father? If it was long enough ago that she didn't see step-mom pregnant, that's why DD is unnerved. Her dad has a new baby that gets all of him, and she hasn't seen him in X months.

Before the pandemic started. Usually she saw him over breaks as the lives on the west coast. He would fly here and she would visit. We divorced when she was young so my current DH has been someone she saw on a daily basis

Thats too long without a visit. Way too long. She's 16 and should have, at a MINIMUM, been flown out for a visit as soon as she was vaccinated (which should have been months ago now). My son, whose father is in a different state, has continued visitation throughout the pandemic.

She's not angry about the baby. She's angry that her dad hasn't insisted on seeing her.

Read the post. DD isn't allowed to visit Dad. Dad has to always be the one visiting and its only been a visit vs. actual time with Dad. Mom blocked the relationship, Dad gave up.

But DD is mad that dad hasn't insisted. He could insist. He also could have flown out to visit during the pandemic. If OP is the one blocking the relationship (from the bolded in the embedded quote it's not clear if DD also flies to the west coast to visit, or if visits only take place when dad flies east), then DD will realize that in time and OP will get her due.

He shouldn't have to insist. There should be a regular visitation agreement that DD visits every holiday and summers and plane ticket cost shared since mom moved away. He didn't insist as MOM has never allowed the child to visit in Dad's home and expects Dad to pay for it all and do the visiting. This is a favorite uncle situation, not Dad. Dad should not be flying in a pandemic. If mom supports the visits, given Dad has flown out, gotten a hotel, etc. the least she could do is fly the child out once and get a hotel room so child can see Dad. I bet this mom has never done that even once.

OP here I have another DD so how can I be paying for flights? He lives out of state

He has another child too. He also pays child support and the bulk of DD expenses. Why should you get a free pass and not him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When is the last time your DD saw her father? If it was long enough ago that she didn't see step-mom pregnant, that's why DD is unnerved. Her dad has a new baby that gets all of him, and she hasn't seen him in X months.

Before the pandemic started. Usually she saw him over breaks as the lives on the west coast. He would fly here and she would visit. We divorced when she was young so my current DH has been someone she saw on a daily basis

Thats too long without a visit. Way too long. She's 16 and should have, at a MINIMUM, been flown out for a visit as soon as she was vaccinated (which should have been months ago now). My son, whose father is in a different state, has continued visitation throughout the pandemic.

She's not angry about the baby. She's angry that her dad hasn't insisted on seeing her.

Read the post. DD isn't allowed to visit Dad. Dad has to always be the one visiting and its only been a visit vs. actual time with Dad. Mom blocked the relationship, Dad gave up.

But DD is mad that dad hasn't insisted. He could insist. He also could have flown out to visit during the pandemic. If OP is the one blocking the relationship (from the bolded in the embedded quote it's not clear if DD also flies to the west coast to visit, or if visits only take place when dad flies east), then DD will realize that in time and OP will get her due.

He shouldn't have to insist. There should be a regular visitation agreement that DD visits every holiday and summers and plane ticket cost shared since mom moved away. He didn't insist as MOM has never allowed the child to visit in Dad's home and expects Dad to pay for it all and do the visiting. This is a favorite uncle situation, not Dad. Dad should not be flying in a pandemic. If mom supports the visits, given Dad has flown out, gotten a hotel, etc. the least she could do is fly the child out once and get a hotel room so child can see Dad. I bet this mom has never done that even once.

OP here I have another DD so how can I be paying for flights? He lives out of state

OP, you said you moved away. You just up and left and took the child and refused visits for several years. Yes, it is typical to split the costs of plane tickets. You both live out of state. You both have moved. YOU are complaining that your daughter wants to see her Dad. You have put NO effort into the relationship. YOU could be decent and fly with DD out there and get a hotel room for a few days and daughter and Dad can see each other outside. Problem solved.

I'm just curious how much he pays in child support and how much in extra's does he pay? And, what do you pay for out of your income?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When is the last time your DD saw her father? If it was long enough ago that she didn't see step-mom pregnant, that's why DD is unnerved. Her dad has a new baby that gets all of him, and she hasn't seen him in X months.

Before the pandemic started. Usually she saw him over breaks as the lives on the west coast. He would fly here and she would visit. We divorced when she was young so my current DH has been someone she saw on a daily basis

Thats too long without a visit. Way too long. She's 16 and should have, at a MINIMUM, been flown out for a visit as soon as she was vaccinated (which should have been months ago now). My son, whose father is in a different state, has continued visitation throughout the pandemic.

She's not angry about the baby. She's angry that her dad hasn't insisted on seeing her.

Read the post. DD isn't allowed to visit Dad. Dad has to always be the one visiting and its only been a visit vs. actual time with Dad. Mom blocked the relationship, Dad gave up.

But DD is mad that dad hasn't insisted. He could insist. He also could have flown out to visit during the pandemic. If OP is the one blocking the relationship (from the bolded in the embedded quote it's not clear if DD also flies to the west coast to visit, or if visits only take place when dad flies east), then DD will realize that in time and OP will get her due.

He shouldn't have to insist. There should be a regular visitation agreement that DD visits every holiday and summers and plane ticket cost shared since mom moved away. He didn't insist as MOM has never allowed the child to visit in Dad's home and expects Dad to pay for it all and do the visiting. This is a favorite uncle situation, not Dad. Dad should not be flying in a pandemic. If mom supports the visits, given Dad has flown out, gotten a hotel, etc. the least she could do is fly the child out once and get a hotel room so child can see Dad. I bet this mom has never done that even once.

OP here I have another DD so how can I be paying for flights? He lives out of state

Anonymous wrote:Yep, the new info that OP dropped changes things. She is obstructing DD’s relationship with her dad, but dad still should have told her long before the new baby arrived. So should the evil stepmothers on here who are threatened by their DH’s ex-wives and the children from those marriages. Those stepmoms are short-sighted and equally guilty of depriving their own kids of relationships with stepsibs that could be healthy and beneficial, while at the same time working to ruin the dad’s relationship with his (other) bio kids. I agree with PP that these dads are lousy for bowing to this pressure from the new wife.

Yup, this changes things. OP, what a disservice you have done. Was he an abuser, addict? Why, oh why, oh why would you not allow her to be alone with her father. He isn’t a parent. He’s an ATM, built and designed by you. Oh brother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When is the last time your DD saw her father? If it was long enough ago that she didn't see step-mom pregnant, that's why DD is unnerved. Her dad has a new baby that gets all of him, and she hasn't seen him in X months.

Before the pandemic started. Usually she saw him over breaks as the lives on the west coast. He would fly here and she would visit. We divorced when she was young so my current DH has been someone she saw on a daily basis

Thats too long without a visit. Way too long. She's 16 and should have, at a MINIMUM, been flown out for a visit as soon as she was vaccinated (which should have been months ago now). My son, whose father is in a different state, has continued visitation throughout the pandemic.

She's not angry about the baby. She's angry that her dad hasn't insisted on seeing her.

Read the post. DD isn't allowed to visit Dad. Dad has to always be the one visiting and its only been a visit vs. actual time with Dad. Mom blocked the relationship, Dad gave up.

But DD is mad that dad hasn't insisted. He could insist. He also could have flown out to visit during the pandemic. If OP is the one blocking the relationship (from the bolded in the embedded quote it's not clear if DD also flies to the west coast to visit, or if visits only take place when dad flies east), then DD will realize that in time and OP will get her due.

He shouldn't have to insist. There should be a regular visitation agreement that DD visits every holiday and summers and plane ticket cost shared since mom moved away. He didn't insist as MOM has never allowed the child to visit in Dad's home and expects Dad to pay for it all and do the visiting. This is a favorite uncle situation, not Dad. Dad should not be flying in a pandemic. If mom supports the visits, given Dad has flown out, gotten a hotel, etc. the least she could do is fly the child out once and get a hotel room so child can see Dad. I bet this mom has never done that even once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

At some point in time she is going to resent you and what you have done.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

OP here ..what do you mean holds all the cards?

Her father can leave everything to his new wife and leave your 16 year old zero. Like mine did.

OP here my DD did ask for him for 3000 dollars for driving school and he refused. Told her to use the cash he has put in her savings account. Birthday money has gone from 500 to 200 dollars. So he is being mean.

Or strapped. She doesn't need $3k for driving school. You can easily teach her.

Driving school does not cost $3K. He is right. And, his portion of driving school should be paid for via child support and you also pay a portion. How much were you planning to pay?

$500 for birthday's is absurd. $200 as well. We'd only do that for any child if it was a specific need.

At 16, she can get a job and pay for the expensive driving school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel OP isn't being completely being honest here- did you use your own anger and hatred to keep the your dd away from her dad?
Also from your comments about birthday money it seems you were using Jim as an ATM and 3K for driving lessons?? Whaat??
Which portion did you volunteer to pay? Or were you hoping he would pick up the bill. Sounds like you were manipulating the situation for money. Classic first wife behavior

OP here I gave her some towards it and I think he should pick up the bigger portion. How am I manipulating the situation for money? He is her dad and needs to pay for things. He has cut back on the birthday money. Fair enough he can't take her shopping like he did. But DD loved that with her dad. He bought her whatever she wanted and now he is saying no. That's mean to her

He should say no. He isn't a human ATM. You get child support to cover his portion of the expenses. You don't dictate what he should do beyond that. He is NOT her Dad. He is a child support check. Her "Dad" is your husband. You set up this situation, you only want his money and you created a very bad situation. He is right to set limits and say no.

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Anonymous wrote:OP keeps dropping little tidbits of info.

"He didn't tell DD about his new wife and baby" turned into
"He tried to tell DD but she didn't answer her phone and didn't text him back until a week later"

"He used to take DD shopping all the time" turned into "He lives on the west coast and I only allowed him to visit her in my home until 2 years ago and I did not allow any visits during the pandemic"

+1
Something more is going on here.

OP here not sure why this is about me. Our divorce was bad and yes I thought it was best he didn't see her until she was three.
Since then I let him visit her in my house and later when I felt comfortable I let her fly.
Secondly now the step mom doesn't want any visitors due to covid. Especially as my DD is at school she feels it's not safe for the baby.

I think you're a troll.

No judge would sign off on a divorce that didn't give dad any visitation rights.

OP here judge didn't sign of on this. I moved to be closer to my family. There were a few visits but I wasn't comfortable being around him.
He was in the military at the time do deployments also factored in

This is very common with military. Mom just takes the kids and moves and restricts visits. If he's lower ranking military he cannot afford to fight it in court and chase her. OP destroyed the relationship and is now complaining. OP you wanted to be the only parent and didn't care about the impact on your daughter. You are. Congrat's. Stop the drama and accept you hurt your child and move on. You replaced Dad with your husband so leave the man alone at this point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP keeps dropping little tidbits of info.

"He didn't tell DD about his new wife and baby" turned into
"He tried to tell DD but she didn't answer her phone and didn't text him back until a week later"

"He used to take DD shopping all the time" turned into "He lives on the west coast and I only allowed him to visit her in my home until 2 years ago and I did not allow any visits during the pandemic"

+1
Something more is going on here.

OP here not sure why this is about me. Our divorce was bad and yes I thought it was best he didn't see her until she was three.
Since then I let him visit her in my house and later when I felt comfortable I let her fly.
Secondly now the step mom doesn't want any visitors due to covid. Especially as my DD is at school she feels it's not safe for the baby.

OP you have prevented the relationship and now you are blaming Dad and stepmom. Not allowing him to see her till she was three is horrible. That early bonding is important. Then strictly controlling visits so they are only at your home in limited amounts is horrible. This is your fault.

It isn't safe for DD to visit with a unvaccinated baby between flying and school.

Just be real. You don't want them to have a relationship but want to blame Dad and stepmom so you are the good parent. Its ok. Dad and stepmom moved on. Just take your child support. Don't ask them for college since Dad isn't really Dad and move on. Be honest with your child that you restricted contact and you created this mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP keeps dropping little tidbits of info.

"He didn't tell DD about his new wife and baby" turned into
"He tried to tell DD but she didn't answer her phone and didn't text him back until a week later"

"He used to take DD shopping all the time" turned into "He lives on the west coast and I only allowed him to visit her in my home until 2 years ago and I did not allow any visits during the pandemic"

+1
Something more is going on here.

OP here not sure why this is about me. Our divorce was bad and yes I thought it was best he didn't see her until she was three.
Since then I let him visit her in my house and later when I felt comfortable I let her fly.
Secondly now the step mom doesn't want any visitors due to covid. Especially as my DD is at school she feels it's not safe for the baby.

I think you're a troll.

No judge would sign off on a divorce that didn't give dad any visitation rights.

OP here judge didn't sign of on this. I moved to be closer to my family. There were a few visits but I wasn't comfortable being around him.
He was in the military at the time do deployments also factored in

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP keeps dropping little tidbits of info.

"He didn't tell DD about his new wife and baby" turned into
"He tried to tell DD but she didn't answer her phone and didn't text him back until a week later"

"He used to take DD shopping all the time" turned into "He lives on the west coast and I only allowed him to visit her in my home until 2 years ago and I did not allow any visits during the pandemic"

+1
Something more is going on here.

OP here not sure why this is about me. Our divorce was bad and yes I thought it was best he didn't see her until she was three.
Since then I let him visit her in my house and later when I felt comfortable I let her fly.
Secondly now the step mom doesn't want any visitors due to covid. Especially as my DD is at school she feels it's not safe for the baby.

I think you're a troll.

No judge would sign off on a divorce that didn't give dad any visitation rights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP keeps dropping little tidbits of info.

"He didn't tell DD about his new wife and baby" turned into
"He tried to tell DD but she didn't answer her phone and didn't text him back until a week later"

"He used to take DD shopping all the time" turned into "He lives on the west coast and I only allowed him to visit her in my home until 2 years ago and I did not allow any visits during the pandemic"

+1
Something more is going on here.

OP here not sure why this is about me. Our divorce was bad and yes I thought it was best he didn't see her until she was three.
Since then I let him visit her in my house and later when I felt comfortable I let her fly.
Secondly now the step mom doesn't want any visitors due to covid. Especially as my DD is at school she feels it's not safe for the baby.