Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.


No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?



To me the dressy clothes are the uniform for the activity. Would my son prefer to show up in athletic gear 100%, but he wears what is required and if he refused we would not go.
I imagine for a variety of reasons cotillion is not for everyone and that is OK. There are lots of activities that are not for my family. The stories I have heard about travel soccer frustrate me and sometimes even make me angry, so my family does not support it. But I don't ask other families to justify to me why they do.

That said, in terms of OPs asked I wanted to share our experience. Many people seem to be ruling it out without knowing much about it. Therefore, I thought the perspective of a family who participated would be helpful to OP.

Got it. You are ruling out travel soccer (which both my girls play) based on "stories you have heard" about it, but you are totally fine with an organization that forces girls to wear gender stereotyped clothing (which is completely different than comfortable athletic clothing that your son might prefer).

DP. Sounds like you’re no better with respect to going on “what you’ve heard” about cotillion.

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.


No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?



To me the dressy clothes are the uniform for the activity. Would my son prefer to show up in athletic gear 100%, but he wears what is required and if he refused we would not go.
I imagine for a variety of reasons cotillion is not for everyone and that is OK. There are lots of activities that are not for my family. The stories I have heard about travel soccer frustrate me and sometimes even make me angry, so my family does not support it. But I don't ask other families to justify to me why they do.

That said, in terms of OPs asked I wanted to share our experience. Many people seem to be ruling it out without knowing much about it. Therefore, I thought the perspective of a family who participated would be helpful to OP.

Got it. You are ruling out travel soccer (which both my girls play) based on "stories you have heard" about it, but you are totally fine with an organization that forces girls to wear gender stereotyped clothing (which is completely different than comfortable athletic clothing that your son might prefer).

Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

To me the dressy clothes are the uniform for the activity. Would my son prefer to show up in athletic gear 100%, but he wears what is required and if he refused we would not go.
I imagine for a variety of reasons cotillion is not for everyone and that is OK. There are lots of activities that are not for my family. The stories I have heard about travel soccer frustrate me and sometimes even make me angry, so my family does not support it. But I don't ask other families to justify to me why they do.

That said, in terms of OPs asked I wanted to share our experience. Many people seem to be ruling it out without knowing much about it. Therefore, I thought the perspective of a family who participated would be helpful to OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

it's also not inclusive to anyone who is questioning their gender or sexuality. Yes this does happen in Middle School.

If a girl wants to wear pants I’m fine with it.

How about a boy in a dress?

They cAn knock themselves out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

it's also not inclusive to anyone who is questioning their gender or sexuality. Yes this does happen in Middle School.

If a girl wants to wear pants I’m fine with it.

How about a boy in a dress?

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.


No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?


it's also not inclusive to anyone who is questioning their gender or sexuality. Yes this does happen in Middle School.


If a girl wants to wear pants I’m fine with it.

That's big of you. But sounds like it is contrary to the rules of cotillion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

it's also not inclusive to anyone who is questioning their gender or sexuality. Yes this does happen in Middle School.

If a girl wants to wear pants I’m fine with it.

Anonymous wrote:

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

it's also not inclusive to anyone who is questioning their gender or sexuality. Yes this does happen in Middle School.

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

No. Things that are sexist are inappropriate, and should not be supported with your $. Would you feel the same way if the rule was that kids should only ask kids of their own race to dance? If not, what do you see as the difference?

My son is in cotillion for the second year, along with a group of his friends. There are more kids he knows this year as we were able to recruit some more kiddos to join. I think it is more fun for them all this way and it is a great chance to see ES friends as his friend group is split between 3 middle schools.

It is once every 6 weeks or so and while my son does not love it, he does not hate it. He is not a fan of wearing a suit but he has had occasion to do so outside of cotillion and he knows how to sit properly, when to button and unbutton his jacket. He is quite gentlemanly.

He now knows proper place settings and how to do various dances like the waltz. One day he will be happy he knows these things.

While some of the traditions are a bit outdated (such as dresses only for girls - I don't see why nice pants wont do), like with most things in life, we take in the lessons that work for us but not all. We are not mindless robots after all.

While I can only speak to last year as there has only been one class this year and he went with someone else, it was predominately white, as is N. Arlington so there was no shock there.

The woman who runs the Arlington program is very kind and really enjoys working with the kids. So that is a plus.

My son will stay one more year at my request and then for HS it will be his decision

If it works for your family OP, I think it can never hurt to learn better manners. And all parents know there are some things our kids absorb better from others than from ourselves.

From a completely selfish perspective I can tell you that the Spring Ball was without a doubt the highlight of my year. The parents join at the end to dance with their child. Getting dressed up and waltzing around the room with my son dressed in a suit was marvelous. They grow up too fast so I enjoy our time together and I have to think that one day when the girl he is dancing with is not his mom, he will be happy he knows how to do it well.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like an outdated, rather racist and non-feminist, type of event to me. Ugh.

So?

Seems like an outdated, rather racist and non-feminist, type of event to me. Ugh.

My son does a number of activities outside of school. Since he has a reasonble number and variety of interests, I let him pick, since he's not a little child. He would not pick cotillion. If someone else's kid likes it and finds it fun, great. But I don't get people who bribe or force their tweens to go, unless the kids don't have other stuff that they are interested in doing.

Anonymous wrote:Cotillion is something white upper middle class parents send their cisgender kids to. Anyone who doesn’t fit this dynamic will feel out of place. That’s the problem.

So? How is that a problem? If you don't like it, don't go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not something I’d ever put my kids in. I can’t believe how many “woke” parents put their kids in it (looking at you arlington).

Do you even know what "woke" means? There is nothing woke about cotillion.

That’s my point. Plenty of North Arlington parents who consider themselves “woke”, turn around and put their kids in Cotillion. Irony!