Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 10:51     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
I think OP needs to let her husband handle SD in the way he thinks best, but the OP needs to handle her family (her brother and SIL) and get them to back off. Perhaps recommend another babysitter for SIL who will work for less (although I doubt you will find anyone for $10 an hour).

And I think SIL is nuts to leave a 16 yo with 4 kids at those ages (3 to 10 years). That's a ton of responsibility.

Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 10:50     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

Where did anyone get the idea this is her step daughter?

Oh, I see that in the title now. Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 10:49     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

Where did anyone get the idea this is her step daughter?
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:47     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:My DD got $25/hr as an older teen.


The rate isn’t the issue. Her response is.

I do agree with PP - it’s more of something to discuss than punish.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:35     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
My DD got $25/hr as an older teen.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:34     Subject: Re:SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:I am between boomer and gen-ex (don't belong to either) and I am on the daughter's side. Maybe counsel her to try to not laugh at such a ridiculous proposal if it happens again, but this is not a discipline issue.

This. I would maybe say no need to be rude just decline. Being rude makes you seem weak. It’s possible that she might consider a one time family rate. But it’s up to her.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:22     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting


SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!



Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.


No, SD offered a price first, all SIL had to do was decline. Instead, she came back with an insultingly low offer. I mean seriously, $10/hr is too low for *one* kid on a Friday night, never mind four!

That said,

"My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing."

That's pretty rude. The charity crack, the laughing and walking away. We don't have the context of how SIL made the comment, so we don't know is she started off the rude behavior. But regardless, the SD should have said something like, "I'm sorry, that's really not what the going rate is for four kids on a Friday night. I'm not going to be able to sit for you." Whether it's family, an acquaintance, or a stranger, there's a good way to turn someone down without being a jerk about it.


I should add that I absolutely would not discipline SD about this. I'd tell her that she was absolutely right in declining, but could have been a little more diplomatic in turning her aunt down. And I would not make her apologize - she's old enough to decide whether she should do that on her own.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:18     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:$14-15 an hour is reasonable. $25 for a teenager is absurd. Stepdaughter should have just declined and been done with it. She was rude, SIL is rude and you need to take care of your own kids.


Did you not see that SD regularly charges $20/hr for weekend sitting (which, in my neighborhood, is the going rate as well). Seems like $25/hr for four little kids is reasonable, and likely already includes a family discount.

Things may be different in Des Moines or Butte, though, I have no idea.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:12     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting


SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!



Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.


No, SD offered a price first, all SIL had to do was decline. Instead, she came back with an insultingly low offer. I mean seriously, $10/hr is too low for *one* kid on a Friday night, never mind four!

That said,

"My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing."

That's pretty rude. The charity crack, the laughing and walking away. We don't have the context of how SIL made the comment, so we don't know is she started off the rude behavior. But regardless, the SD should have said something like, "I'm sorry, that's really not what the going rate is for four kids on a Friday night. I'm not going to be able to sit for you." Whether it's family, an acquaintance, or a stranger, there's a good way to turn someone down without being a jerk about it.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:12     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.


Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella

We’d absolutely babysit family members for free. And then I said if that’s not your situation, she’s free to politely decline.
No reason to be hostile and over aggressive.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 09:10     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Yes, she was rude. Whether it’s appropriate for you to ask her to apologize is totally dependent on your particular stepmom relationship and dynamic with her father, and it sounds like this would NOT be fitting in your circumstance - but I do agree that she was snarky. (She’s a teen, not unusual, but also not unusual to correct a teen’s tone.)
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 08:56     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.


Your step daughter in law does babysitting fir free? FFS people she’s not Cinderella
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 08:55     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
I find the rate of $25 very high myself. I have multiple teenage daughters and they don’t get near this. So I think it’s a little of very high expectations on your daughters part and very low on the SIL. But, in our family we help each other out and my kids would have done it for free on an occasional basis. Totally fine for your daughter to turn it down and stick to her terms, but so many better ways to handle it.
I think you and your daughter are in the wrong.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 08:51     Subject: Re:SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Laughing in someone's face and then walking away while continuing to laugh is absolutely rude. Full stop.


Seriously. I can’t believe anyone is defending this. Society is so f’ed up. I feel sorry for my kids growing up today.



I can. DCUM is just like DC full of rude and socially inept people.


Being rude is in vogue nowadays. Anyone who spends time in Instagram or TikTok will recognize this. So much crap about how saying "can I" indicates weakness or about how you shouldn't apologize for being late but say instead "thanks for your patience" for example.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2021 08:48     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly rude and I'd be horrified if one of my daughters used that attitude with any prospective employer, family or not. I think it shows a true lack of maturity to not be able to say that if SIL is not comfortable with the rate then she'll have to look elsewhere. The snide comment about good luck finding someone else was also unnecessary. Perhaps if SIL doesn't hire sitters much then your SD could have said "I think you'll find the going rate around here is about twice what you've suggested."

Sticking up for oneself is simply not being coerced into accepting something she's already declined. It has nothing to do with being snotty and rude. SIL was wrong to make a case out of it, but that's a separate issue.


Not the OP - but are you a boomer who thinks that everyone younger than you exists to serve whatever employer that is willing to bestow the greatest grace of a job upon them? Come on. Get over yourself.


Not the pp, and I'm not a boomer, but I think OP and her daughter, and husband were rude. I also think you are ageist and rude.

+1