Anonymous wrote:It's very common in the US: you do what we say while we are paying the bills.

+1. It’s also just respect. Children respect their parents wishes and their bodies. It’s how my husband and I were raised and how we are doing it too. Most children don’t actually want to disappoint their parents.

It's very common in the US: you do what we say while we are paying the bills.

It’s one thing to have preferences or even unofficial policies. But I’m really disturbed by the constant mentions of money. And not just in this thread.
Everything boils down to money, and I doubt most of you are hurting financially. Why do you see parenting as so transactional? All I see is “they can do x when they pay for it”, “I don’t care as long as they pay for it themselves”, “if they x, I’m not paying for y”.
I’m not American or a WASP. This kind of talk is unheard of in my world.

Anonymous wrote:My 14 (soon to be 15) yo has three earrings in each ear - has for years. This summer I let her her her nose pierced with a small stud. Looks great. She’s working toward getting the bar in her upper ear, but will hold off on that for a little while.
Piercings aren’t permanent, so they’re NBD to me. Tattoos would be another story. She’ll have to wait until she’s 18 if she wants one of those.

I know people say that piercings are not permanent. I got a second piercing on my ear lobes when I was 16 in high school. I also got my belly button pierced when I was in college. I removed my belly ring and my 2nd set of earrings when I got pregnant with my first child, at 32. Now I’m in my mid-40s, and I still have the second piercing on my ears. They’re very small, but the holes are still there. And the scar on my belly button is hideous, plus the hole is still there. My daughter wants desperately to get her second ear piercing, but I told her she needs to make that decision when she’s an adult.

Anonymous wrote:2 girls. Single hole in each ear only. I guess I'd consider a second ear hole if either cared but so far they don't. Nothing else as long as they want any financial support including college. But I really don't see it being an issue. They are both pretty preppy.

I just can't take people like you seriously.

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Anonymous wrote:Our policy is no piercings or tattoos until 21. Not even ears.

+1. Same. Takes the discussion and begging off the able. When they are of legal age and sound mind, they can make holes in themselves.

How do you enforce that? You can’t stop an 18 year old from getting a piercing or tattoo.

You threaten to stop paying their college tuition.

Honestly, it’s all about family rules and expectations.

This is what I started the other thread about. I'm with you on having rules and expectations. But sometimes kids break those rules and fail to meet those expectations. Your kid comes home for winter break with a nose stud. Do you really stop paying tuition?

You make it clear from the beginning so they don’t even think it’s an option to come home with one.

Sincerely, I hope this works for you. And that you’re consistency also results in an adult who makes good decisions for themselves. I mean it.
I also hope you understand that it doesn’t always work and that you have compassion and not judgment for parents dealing with that.

I cannot even imagine the pathology behind exerting that level of control over my adult child's BODILY decisions because I pay tuition. And in the name of "family expectations." Some people just cannot let go of their power trips, I guess. When my kid is 18 or 20 (he is 17 now), I expect to be living my own life and sowing my own early 50s oats, not policing and over parenting a freaking adult.

I agree refusing to pay tuition over a pierced nose is extreme. But if a child is getting a free college education courtesy of the bank of mom and dad, the child owes some respect and obligation to the said parents.

Yes the obligation is to study hard and get good grades and be a decent enough human so hopefully, they forge some connections so they have an easier time getting a job after school and can quickly move out of the house.

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Anonymous wrote:Our policy is no piercings or tattoos until 21. Not even ears.

+1. Same. Takes the discussion and begging off the able. When they are of legal age and sound mind, they can make holes in themselves.

How do you enforce that? You can’t stop an 18 year old from getting a piercing or tattoo.

You threaten to stop paying their college tuition.

Honestly, it’s all about family rules and expectations.

This is what I started the other thread about. I'm with you on having rules and expectations. But sometimes kids break those rules and fail to meet those expectations. Your kid comes home for winter break with a nose stud. Do you really stop paying tuition?

You make it clear from the beginning so they don’t even think it’s an option to come home with one.

Sincerely, I hope this works for you. And that you’re consistency also results in an adult who makes good decisions for themselves. I mean it.
I also hope you understand that it doesn’t always work and that you have compassion and not judgment for parents dealing with that.

I cannot even imagine the pathology behind exerting that level of control over my adult child's BODILY decisions because I pay tuition. And in the name of "family expectations." Some people just cannot let go of their power trips, I guess. When my kid is 18 or 20 (he is 17 now), I expect to be living my own life and sowing my own early 50s oats, not policing and over parenting a freaking adult.

Thats because you are an emotional healthy adult, and understand your child is not an extension of you.

2 girls. Single hole in each ear only. I guess I'd consider a second ear hole if either cared but so far they don't. Nothing else as long as they want any financial support including college. But I really don't see it being an issue. They are both pretty preppy.

Anonymous wrote:Only ears. Everything else they want pierced has to wait until age 18 and they pay for it themselves.

The younger people I know usually regret the other piercings in a couple of years and take them out.

Even a belly-button? It seems innocent enough.

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Anonymous wrote:Our policy is no piercings or tattoos until 21. Not even ears.

+1. Same. Takes the discussion and begging off the able. When they are of legal age and sound mind, they can make holes in themselves.

How do you enforce that? You can’t stop an 18 year old from getting a piercing or tattoo.

You threaten to stop paying their college tuition.

Honestly, it’s all about family rules and expectations.

This is what I started the other thread about. I'm with you on having rules and expectations. But sometimes kids break those rules and fail to meet those expectations. Your kid comes home for winter break with a nose stud. Do you really stop paying tuition?

You make it clear from the beginning so they don’t even think it’s an option to come home with one.

Sincerely, I hope this works for you. And that you’re consistency also results in an adult who makes good decisions for themselves. I mean it.
I also hope you understand that it doesn’t always work and that you have compassion and not judgment for parents dealing with that.

I cannot even imagine the pathology behind exerting that level of control over my adult child's BODILY decisions because I pay tuition. And in the name of "family expectations." Some people just cannot let go of their power trips, I guess. When my kid is 18 or 20 (he is 17 now), I expect to be living my own life and sowing my own early 50s oats, not policing and over parenting a freaking adult.

I agree refusing to pay tuition over a pierced nose is extreme. But if a child is getting a free college education courtesy of the bank of mom and dad, the child owes some respect and obligation to the said parents.

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Anonymous wrote:Our policy is no piercings or tattoos until 21. Not even ears.

+1. Same. Takes the discussion and begging off the able. When they are of legal age and sound mind, they can make holes in themselves.

How do you enforce that? You can’t stop an 18 year old from getting a piercing or tattoo.

You threaten to stop paying their college tuition.

Honestly, it’s all about family rules and expectations.

This is what I started the other thread about. I'm with you on having rules and expectations. But sometimes kids break those rules and fail to meet those expectations. Your kid comes home for winter break with a nose stud. Do you really stop paying tuition?

You make it clear from the beginning so they don’t even think it’s an option to come home with one.

Sincerely, I hope this works for you. And that you’re consistency also results in an adult who makes good decisions for themselves. I mean it.
I also hope you understand that it doesn’t always work and that you have compassion and not judgment for parents dealing with that.

I cannot even imagine the pathology behind exerting that level of control over my adult child's BODILY decisions because I pay tuition. And in the name of "family expectations." Some people just cannot let go of their power trips, I guess. When my kid is 18 or 20 (he is 17 now), I expect to be living my own life and sowing my own early 50s oats, not policing and over parenting a freaking adult.

Anonymous wrote:Body piercing & tattoo policy is this: No. We take trash out of the house, not into it.

I don't care what they do, as long as it's not permanent, like tattoos or piercings. Dye your hair any color, wear any color nail polish, and whatever clothes you want. But don't make permanent body modifications (other than ear piercing for boys or girls) until after college.

Anonymous wrote:No piercings (we have boys) or tattoos. Period. Luckily, they have no desire for either.

I feel like if you have a “policy” on stuff like this, you are kind of missing the mark. Same thing with clothes- so many freaked out posts about half shirts and short shorts. It’s all about relationships, people!

I feel like the people who say they have a policy are the same ones who have a family motto or code or something. Or who refer to themselves as The Smiths all the time. My sister is like this and it’s always freaked me out a little.

No piercings (we have boys) or tattoos. Period. Luckily, they have no desire for either.