Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:25
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's a sad story. As a mom I am attempting to raise my daughters as happy, strong, self sufficient, independent women. This "kept woman" thing just screams "total fail" on her parents part. I don't care about this woman, don't feel threatened by her or the likes of her, it simply fascinates me from a parent perspective. I hope my girls are smart enough to recognize a total loser when they see one, I hope they have enough self esteem to not be "bought" by someone. Just gross and sad.
Doesn't seem much different than a SAHM, but she is having a lot more fun. And isn't a nagging shrew.
Yes, all wives and mothers are nagging shrews. I'm sure you know how well that will go over on this board, which is probably why you posted it.
+1! The smiley face was obviously misogynistic. Was that you, OP? Is that how you feel about your own mother?
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:23
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.
Glad you were able to compartmentalize away your mother's unhappiness and mistreatment.
Not the PP.
My mother had an affair. My parents stayed married for several years post-affair, and ultimately divorced when I was a teenager. It was her idea. It affected our family life in many ways, some positive and some negative.
I do not believe that my mom was a bad mom as a result of her affair. I do not believe that I got flawed modeling about marriage from my parents. In fact, I think they were excellent models of what a bad marriage that should end looked like. They were unhappy for years. I found out about my mom's affair much later, when I was an adult, and looking back on the time when she was involved with the other man (who I do not remember ever meeting in any context), she was a great mom at that time. She threw wonderful birthday parties. She taught me to read. We did cool projects together. I never once felt like my mother was unavailable to me, as a result of her relationship with this man, my father, or anyone else. If anything, looking back now, I respect her right to have some aspects of her life that did not revolve around her children.
I know that many people have a different experience. I do not believe that I am "compartmentalizing" my fathers "unhappiness and mistreatment". I understand why my mother cheated, why she did not just get divorced right then and why she ended up divorcing later. I understand why my father feels bitter toward her and I also understand the ways in which he was complicit in the unhappiness in their marriage. It is not excusing a cheater to say that when marriages fail, it is not generally 100% the fault of anyone.
My childhood was not ruined as a result of my mother's affair, which she confessed to me about 20 years after the affair itself, nor was it ruined by the dissolution of my parents' marriage. I do not think there's anything wrong with married adults having lives that are separate from their children. Certainly there are parts of my life that my child is not involved in or a primary consideration for.
Your mother had a one-time affair and she chose to end the marriage. They dynamics are very different than than when a woman feels trapped in marriage with a repeat adulterer because she is financially dependent upon him (as many, many women were, and still are).
Yes. She chose to end the married like 7 years later, due to being trapped in a marriage because she was financially dependent on my dad.
My point was that I do not believe that children in my situation, the OP's boyfriend's children's situation, or any other situation are necessarily, absolutely 100% going to have a fucked up miserable childhood as the result of their parents' relationship issues. Several posters lamenting the poor children were basically implying that the kids are guaranteed to be miserable. If these kids do not expect their dad to show up for things, expect him to just go on paying for things, and expect him to have a distant relationship with their mom but still generally be around, then it doesn't really matter what he's doing when he isn't there.
If that couple divorces, I think less of the parent who burdens the children with this information.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:19
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.
Glad you were able to compartmentalize away your mother's unhappiness and mistreatment.
Not the PP.
My mother had an affair. My parents stayed married for several years post-affair, and ultimately divorced when I was a teenager. It was her idea. It affected our family life in many ways, some positive and some negative.
I do not believe that my mom was a bad mom as a result of her affair. I do not believe that I got flawed modeling about marriage from my parents. In fact, I think they were excellent models of what a bad marriage that should end looked like. They were unhappy for years. I found out about my mom's affair much later, when I was an adult, and looking back on the time when she was involved with the other man (who I do not remember ever meeting in any context), she was a great mom at that time. She threw wonderful birthday parties. She taught me to read. We did cool projects together. I never once felt like my mother was unavailable to me, as a result of her relationship with this man, my father, or anyone else. If anything, looking back now, I respect her right to have some aspects of her life that did not revolve around her children.
I know that many people have a different experience. I do not believe that I am "compartmentalizing" my fathers "unhappiness and mistreatment". I understand why my mother cheated, why she did not just get divorced right then and why she ended up divorcing later. I understand why my father feels bitter toward her and I also understand the ways in which he was complicit in the unhappiness in their marriage. It is not excusing a cheater to say that when marriages fail, it is not generally 100% the fault of anyone.
My childhood was not ruined as a result of my mother's affair, which she confessed to me about 20 years after the affair itself, nor was it ruined by the dissolution of my parents' marriage. I do not think there's anything wrong with married adults having lives that are separate from their children. Certainly there are parts of my life that my child is not involved in or a primary consideration for.
Your mother had a one-time affair and she chose to end the marriage. They dynamics are very different than than when a woman feels trapped in marriage with a repeat adulterer because she is financially dependent upon him (as many, many women were, and still are).
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:17
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
I kind of thought from the beginning that this thread was merely a ruse to take the opportunity to liken a wife who does not bring home a salary to a "kept woman."
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:15
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish.
+1000
Seriously those people who are describing the OP's affair as "progressive" don't know what the word means. The affair is deceitful and duplicitous. I agree whole-heartedly with the PP that progressive would be a mutually-consenting, transparent open marriage. NOT one in which there is lying and betrayal.
why would you possibly want to hurt the wife by telling her? everything is fine.
how about, because she has a right to know? she should get tested for stds? she has grounds for filing for divorce and getting out of a deceitful marriage?
i hope you are being sarcastic....
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:15
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.
Glad you were able to compartmentalize away your mother's unhappiness and mistreatment.
Not the PP.
My mother had an affair. My parents stayed married for several years post-affair, and ultimately divorced when I was a teenager. It was her idea. It affected our family life in many ways, some positive and some negative.
I do not believe that my mom was a bad mom as a result of her affair. I do not believe that I got flawed modeling about marriage from my parents. In fact, I think they were excellent models of what a bad marriage that should end looked like. They were unhappy for years. I found out about my mom's affair much later, when I was an adult, and looking back on the time when she was involved with the other man (who I do not remember ever meeting in any context), she was a great mom at that time. She threw wonderful birthday parties. She taught me to read. We did cool projects together. I never once felt like my mother was unavailable to me, as a result of her relationship with this man, my father, or anyone else. If anything, looking back now, I respect her right to have some aspects of her life that did not revolve around her children.
I know that many people have a different experience. I do not believe that I am "compartmentalizing" my fathers "unhappiness and mistreatment". I understand why my mother cheated, why she did not just get divorced right then and why she ended up divorcing later. I understand why my father feels bitter toward her and I also understand the ways in which he was complicit in the unhappiness in their marriage. It is not excusing a cheater to say that when marriages fail, it is not generally 100% the fault of anyone.
My childhood was not ruined as a result of my mother's affair, which she confessed to me about 20 years after the affair itself, nor was it ruined by the dissolution of my parents' marriage. I do not think there's anything wrong with married adults having lives that are separate from their children. Certainly there are parts of my life that my child is not involved in or a primary consideration for.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:15
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish.
+1000
Seriously those people who are describing the OP's affair as "progressive" don't know what the word means. The affair is deceitful and duplicitous. I agree whole-heartedly with the PP that progressive would be a mutually-consenting, transparent open marriage. NOT one in which there is lying and betrayal.
why would you possibly want to hurt the wife by telling her? everything is fine.
Yeah okay, you keep telling yourself that.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:13
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish.
+1000
Seriously those people who are describing the OP's affair as "progressive" don't know what the word means. The affair is deceitful and duplicitous. I agree whole-heartedly with the PP that progressive would be a mutually-consenting, transparent open marriage. NOT one in which there is lying and betrayal.
why would you possibly want to hurt the wife by telling her? everything is fine.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:10
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish.
+1000
Seriously those people who are describing the OP's affair as "progressive" don't know what the word means. The affair is deceitful and duplicitous. I agree whole-heartedly with the PP that progressive would be a mutually-consenting, transparent open marriage. NOT one in which there is lying and betrayal.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:07
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.
How old are you? Progressive and open-minded does not mean amoral! You bet I want my kids to judge the wrongness of slavery and the Holocaust. I want them to judge carefully the morality of being involved with someone who has taken a vow to be faithful to another. I want them to understand how to respect boundaries and when to break down barriers. Your "progressive" and "realistic" idea of parenting is lazy morality at best.
You sound very old fashioned and out of touch; not realistic at all about the evolving nature of loving adult relationships.
You sound like you have low standards.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:07
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:03
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.
How old are you? Progressive and open-minded does not mean amoral! You bet I want my kids to judge the wrongness of slavery and the Holocaust. I want them to judge carefully the morality of being involved with someone who has taken a vow to be faithful to another. I want them to understand how to respect boundaries and when to break down barriers. Your "progressive" and "realistic" idea of parenting is lazy morality at best.
You sound very old fashioned and out of touch; not realistic at all about the evolving nature of loving adult relationships.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:00
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's a sad story. As a mom I am attempting to raise my daughters as happy, strong, self sufficient, independent women. This "kept woman" thing just screams "total fail" on her parents part. I don't care about this woman, don't feel threatened by her or the likes of her, it simply fascinates me from a parent perspective. I hope my girls are smart enough to recognize a total loser when they see one, I hope they have enough self esteem to not be "bought" by someone. Just gross and sad.
Doesn't seem much different than a SAHM, but she is having a lot more fun. And isn't a nagging shrew.
Yes, all wives and mothers are nagging shrews. I'm sure you know how well that will go over on this board, which is probably why you posted it.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:00
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.
But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.
The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.
Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!
Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.
Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.
Glad you were able to compartmentalize away your mother's unhappiness and mistreatment.
Anonymous
05/08/2014 13:00
Subject: Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
Yikes, had to get the SAHM jab in there, did you? Well even though I don't disrespect SAHMs as much as you appear to, I actually work and always have. I am proud to set an example for my daughters that they can in fact be smart, independent, and have a reason to pursue their education, and have a great family. But how do you even know his wife is a nagging shrew, that was never even mentioned by the OP. Are you projecting your views of a wife on her? The man and OP are obviously total selfish assholes. They are proudly living this life style without regard to anyone else, but no need to bring the ignorant wife into the trash heap.