Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, your family power dynamics and the norms of acceptable behavior are completely messed up. You need FAMILY THERAPY as soon as possible to prevent this from getting worse. Your boys both feel violence is acceptable and excusable, and you have not parented them in a way to dissuade them from that belief. You need HELP to get the violence under control before it gets worse. You are setting your boys--and you-- up for real trouble if you let them believe that violence goes unpunished.

I say this kindly from the perspective of someone whose teenage brother was quite violent with me and my mother. You can step in and change things NOW.

Where to find the right FAMILY THERAPY to work on messed up family dynamics? Young teen son has mood regulation problems, can get very angry, throw things, and hurt himself and family members. When he get into fight with older son, I tend to act in a way to ease younger son's anger, but I see this is not working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stop making excuses. You were given a blueprint above. I would say, err on the side of forgiveness for your older son, for whom this is a first offense, but MAKE SURE he understands he can never do this again. If he's the type to bottle everything up because he's borderline Aspie and cannot communicate well, then you need to explain this to him, and tell him he cannot let it get to the point where he has a physical reaction against you. Explain the difference between a random attack, where he should use self-defense, and hitting someone who is not causing bodily harm.

It sounds like you have communication problems as well. My teen has ADHD and is borderline Asperger's, and I have had so many conversations about all these things since he was little.

Older son is borderline Aspie, he actually likes to talk, talk about how he feels. His thought can get stuck sometimes. I do feel I have a hard time to communicate with them sometimes. Any readings to recommend? Thanks.

There is no such thing as "borderline Aspie". All of you using this phrasing, please stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son slapped you unprovoked and your husband just talked to him?

Okay.

This, both your kids are having behavior problems for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stop making excuses. You were given a blueprint above. I would say, err on the side of forgiveness for your older son, for whom this is a first offense, but MAKE SURE he understands he can never do this again. If he's the type to bottle everything up because he's borderline Aspie and cannot communicate well, then you need to explain this to him, and tell him he cannot let it get to the point where he has a physical reaction against you. Explain the difference between a random attack, where he should use self-defense, and hitting someone who is not causing bodily harm.

It sounds like you have communication problems as well. My teen has ADHD and is borderline Asperger's, and I have had so many conversations about all these things since he was little.

Older son is borderline Aspie, he actually likes to talk, talk about how he feels. His thought can get stuck sometimes. I do feel I have a hard time to communicate with them sometimes. Any readings to recommend? Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:He is begging for you to notice how much he is being hurt both physically and emotionally. He thought this my be the only way to get you to understand what it is like to be the younger siblings punching bag. You are messing with his head. Younger sibling gets his violence excused, and yet you refuse to accept you older childs multiple apologies for finally snapping.

Anonymous wrote:Guys, this woman was just hit by her son. And she clearly has a difficult situation at home.

Can you all please be careful and kind with your tone?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, this woman was just hit by her son. And she clearly has a difficult situation at home.

Can you all please be careful and kind with your tone?

I hear what you're saying but it really seems like the OP needs a wake up call. She isn't protecting the older brother from the violence perpetuated by the younger brother. It doesn't excuse the older child's violence but it sure does explain it. She needs to take immediate action because her kids are out of control. I agree with the poster who says she needs to call the younger son's therapist and get a consult immediately. She may need to even separate the kids or have the younger son placed into a residential facility for a bit.

PP you are responding to. I agree- she asked for advice, so people should give it…kindly. It is the nasty tone of many of these responses that I take issue with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, this woman was just hit by her son. And she clearly has a difficult situation at home.

Can you all please be careful and kind with your tone?

I hear what you're saying but it really seems like the OP needs a wake up call. She isn't protecting the older brother from the violence perpetuated by the younger brother. It doesn't excuse the older child's violence but it sure does explain it. She needs to take immediate action because her kids are out of control. I agree with the poster who says she needs to call the younger son's therapist and get a consult immediately. She may need to even separate the kids or have the younger son placed into a residential facility for a bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the people saying they would hit their child back really helps me understand why this country is in the state it’s in.

Ha! People who make these comments remind me why the country is in the state it’s in.

Anonymous wrote:Your son slapped you unprovoked and your husband just talked to him?

Okay.