Anonymous wrote:Dude $120 is a lot of money out in this cruel world. Stability - especially in mid-life - is nothing to sneeze at. Go make more money yourself if you think you deserve more and let your husband enjoy what he's got.

Marriage sounds awesome. Where do I sign up?

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

Wow, you sound like a real peach. If I ever get married, I hope to not marry someone like you.

Would be nice to get a job offer. I've been at my company for just over four years now and spent 5+ years at my previous job.

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of like breaking up in a relationship. The first time is the hardest. Once you get used to leaving jobs, it's no big deal. Be happy he's not like me. I quit jobs at the drop of a hat.

I need to be more like this.

My DH is a “cast of from google” scientist and just left a start-up due to poor management / different visions. I’ve been in the same stable job for 14 years. Is it my dream? No. But the salary is decent, the work-life balance (young kids) is excellent, and I’m very unlikely to lose my job unlike my husband’s feast or famine experiences.

I stay because my job never requires overtime unless I am traveling and when I work overtime, I am paid 1.5x rate. My job activities rarely require more than 4-6 per day of actual work. There are many people who have been with my company for over 20 years and even though it is majority contract work, theyve never furloughed or fired people during shutdowns/recessions. I get yearly raises above inflation rates (in normal times).

I havent determined if raises will continue for 20 years but if I stay at this job for my entire career it would be 34 years there (retiring at 65), more likely Id get to almost 40 years which at the lowest raise Id be making more than 150k than I am now to do the same job.

The only reason I would leave is if I could find a job that has significant maternity leave and/or a huge raise. My company has none and our leave accruals are sub-par so I never get an opportunity to accrue enough leave. I would need to take LWOP for at least 3 months if we have another baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

Tech rich isn't for the faint of soul, they force 6-10% attrition each performance cycle.

Don't those forced out just pivot to another tech company? They are all waging a "war for talent" so even "castoffs from Google" has some cache?

True, but the process is quite daunting. I suffered a lot 🥲

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Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

Your DH is a 40 year old programmer. He should be happy he has a job still. Ageism is vile in tech, after 30 you better move in to business development or management or you are canned. Many programmers are NOT GOOD at BD and manage (I mean they are computer geeks, I’m one too). So don’t look a gift horse in a mouth. If he has stuck this long, he is likely a known quantity. Is he at a govt contractor?

I work at a Bay Area tech company, and this is just not true at my company. There's even a [/b]whole different promotion track for genius programmers and architects and what-have-you that maintains their individual contributor status as they get older, more experienced, and even more valuable.

[b][b]

Hmm so a SEPARATE BUT EQUAL promotion track for OLD geniuses. So they already categorize you different simply on account of your age, and you are only promoted if you are fing genius. So the average old programmer like OP DH goes where? I can guess…

Well compared to the DC area employers, who only promote people managers, I am not complaining about others promoting old geniuses. On a second note, 40 is probably not going to fit in at twitter, but Bay Area has a LOT of small companies, plus VC/PE that back them up, where SOME team will gear toward older members. I know because I am joining a PE team of 10, most of them graduated colleague in the 80s.

Well yeah, VC and PE are old people. It’s usually founders who cashed out or old executives. That’s the rub of tech, if you didn’t make $10M by 30 you don’t have “it”/aren’t a genius so big-bye.

OP DH is in tech, is a staff line employee at 40+. No VC is hiring him, he’s likely not a genius, so all this edge cases don’t apply.

Working at a small startup could be an option, I’ve seen them hire “grown-ups” to make the company seem more legit to investors but generally the pay is crummy and the risk of it failing is crazy high, and you likely won’t see much IPO/SPAC upside unless you are C-suite.

S

Bay area is indeed competitive. My friend (early 40s) only know a programming language from the 70s, who managed to land a job with a grocery chain in MD for a salary between OP's husband and 200k. So there are places for everyone, just need to go get it.

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

I honestly don’t understand how people can just personally attack me for being “greedy”, “a nag”, and “go make more myself”. I am just honestly concerned that my DH is not being paid his worth because he stuck it out for so long in the same company. I just don’t think loyalty to any company pays off. And yes, ageism in the tech world is a huge concern and I’m deeply concerned that in 10 years or so he will be laid off with no other connections or prior experiences in different companies. I really don’t understand why people are judging me and spewing out so many personal attacks.

Because it sounds like your DH is happy in his job and your family is financially comfortable. Why risk all of that by changing jobs? He clearly doesn’t want to. Leave him alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

Tech rich isn't for the faint of soul, they force 6-10% attrition each performance cycle.

Don't those forced out just pivot to another tech company? They are all waging a "war for talent" so even "castoffs from Google" has some cache?

Anonymous wrote:

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

Tech rich isn't for the faint of soul, they force 6-10% attrition each performance cycle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

Your DH is a 40 year old programmer. He should be happy he has a job still. Ageism is vile in tech, after 30 you better move in to business development or management or you are canned. Many programmers are NOT GOOD at BD and manage (I mean they are computer geeks, I’m one too). So don’t look a gift horse in a mouth. If he has stuck this long, he is likely a known quantity. Is he at a govt contractor?

I work at a Bay Area tech company, and this is just not true at my company. There's even a [/b]whole different promotion track for genius programmers and architects and what-have-you that maintains their individual contributor status as they get older, more experienced, and even more valuable.

[b][b]

Hmm so a SEPARATE BUT EQUAL promotion track for OLD geniuses. So they already categorize you different simply on account of your age, and you are only promoted if you are fing genius. So the average old programmer like OP DH goes where? I can guess…

Well compared to the DC area employers, who only promote people managers, I am not complaining about others promoting old geniuses. On a second note, 40 is probably not going to fit in at twitter, but Bay Area has a LOT of small companies, plus VC/PE that back them up, where SOME team will gear toward older members. I know because I am joining a PE team of 10, most of them graduated colleague in the 80s.

Well yeah, VC and PE are old people. It’s usually founders who cashed out or old executives. That’s the rub of tech, if you didn’t make $10M by 30 you don’t have “it”/aren’t a genius so big-bye.

OP DH is in tech, is a staff line employee at 40+. No VC is hiring him, he’s likely not a genius, so all this edge cases don’t apply.

Working at a small startup could be an option, I’ve seen them hire “grown-ups” to make the company seem more legit to investors but generally the pay is crummy and the risk of it failing is crazy high, and you likely won’t see much IPO/SPAC upside unless you are C-suite.

S

Bay area is indeed competitive. My friend (early 40s) only know a programming language from the 70s, who managed to land a job with a grocery chain in MD for a salary between OP's husband and 200k. So there are places for everyone, just need to go get it.

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

I honestly don’t understand how people can just personally attack me for being “greedy”, “a nag”, and “go make more myself”. I am just honestly concerned that my DH is not being paid his worth because he stuck it out for so long in the same company. I just don’t think loyalty to any company pays off. And yes, ageism in the tech world is a huge concern and I’m deeply concerned that in 10 years or so he will be laid off with no other connections or prior experiences in different companies. I really don’t understand why people are judging me and spewing out so many personal attacks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My field is pretty niche. There are only a few places where I could do the exact type of work I want to.

I am interested in the work/field.

I know how to do my job....but there is enough going on to make me think so I am not just a robot.

I like my co-workers a lot. I hear a lot of horror stories about horrible co-workers.

I have a lot of vacation. 7 weeks. I don't want to start over with 3 and in my field negotiating leave isn't an option.

I have decent flexibility. Need to leave early for a kid thing? No problem.

Been here 18 years with no plan on leaving. DH says he won't be surprised if I retire from here....in 15-20y.

I was in a similar position, but things can change overnight. The Csuit hired a new managing director, who brought in a whole new team of 30 within a year, and dispositioned my direct manager's influence. Most of the senior IC people left, 8 month later, most of the mid-level IC left too.
I made a move, joined a great team, but not for long. a new policy came out and our team was less important than before, all of the mid-level employee left by end of year 1. I got slapped with the bottom of forced ranking and had to leave unless I want to stay at my level for another 1.5 year to be eligible for raise consideration again.

OP here - yes, I can see something like that happening and if it does, I will leave and find something. But I am going to ride it out here until there is a re-org or $hit goes awry.

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

There may not be a better job that's as secure in the immediate area.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

Your DH is a 40 year old programmer. He should be happy he has a job still. Ageism is vile in tech, after 30 you better move in to business development or management or you are canned. Many programmers are NOT GOOD at BD and manage (I mean they are computer geeks, I’m one too). So don’t look a gift horse in a mouth. If he has stuck this long, he is likely a known quantity. Is he at a govt contractor?

I work at a Bay Area tech company, and this is just not true at my company. There's even a [/b]whole different promotion track for genius programmers and architects and what-have-you that maintains their individual contributor status as they get older, more experienced, and even more valuable.

[b][b]

Hmm so a SEPARATE BUT EQUAL promotion track for OLD geniuses. So they already categorize you different simply on account of your age, and you are only promoted if you are fing genius. So the average old programmer like OP DH goes where? I can guess…

Well compared to the DC area employers, who only promote people managers, I am not complaining about others promoting old geniuses. On a second note, 40 is probably not going to fit in at twitter, but Bay Area has a LOT of small companies, plus VC/PE that back them up, where SOME team will gear toward older members. I know because I am joining a PE team of 10, most of them graduated colleague in the 80s.

Well yeah, VC and PE are old people. It’s usually founders who cashed out or old executives. That’s the rub of tech, if you didn’t make $10M by 30 you don’t have “it”/aren’t a genius so big-bye.

OP DH is in tech, is a staff line employee at 40+. No VC is hiring him, he’s likely not a genius, so all this edge cases don’t apply.

Working at a small startup could be an option, I’ve seen them hire “grown-ups” to make the company seem more legit to investors but generally the pay is crummy and the risk of it failing is crazy high, and you likely won’t see much IPO/SPAC upside unless you are C-suite.

S

Bay area is indeed competitive. My friend (early 40s) only know a programming language from the 70s, who managed to land a job with a grocery chain in MD for a salary between OP's husband and 200k. So there are places for everyone, just need to go get it.

Boosting salary to from $120 to $160k will not mollify OP. She is thinking he should get tech riches. And a grocery chain? She would die of shame

Anonymous wrote:
Pretty damming (sic) of tech that a 40 year old wouldn’t fly at Twitter which is a fairly old and established public company now. Ageism runs deep there.

I do feel sad about our work environment. In 20s we "didn't have the experience to open doors", we spend early 30s raising young families. Before I know it, Ageism is at the door. There is also so much stability issues with certain organizations. Feels like there is constantly a gun pointing at my head.