Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have this with a five year old neighbor. She is pushy and doesn't get along with my kids and everything is a big ordeal when she's here. We've tried the garden flag idea, I tried telling her parents that I work from home and their kid was ringing the doorbell a zillion times while I was on calls and my kids were at camp, everything. If I open the door, she pushes her way in. If I try to ignore the doorbell, she rings it a hundred times.

No good advice.

How is it possible that a five-year-old can push their way past An adult?

In general I think sometimes adults feel like saying no or establishing boundaries is somehow mean or bad. It is not. You can be firm without being nasty and I think that is the approach some of you need to take with your neighbor kids. For some of your neighbor kids it might take once or twice for others it might take a little longer but I cannot imagine being intimidated or being unable to in affectively interact with a young child.

Its easy to do if you aren't interesting in touching someone else's kid, or slamming a door on her foot. There is no amount of firmness that turns this kid away. She does not care. Her parents do not care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have this with a five year old neighbor. She is pushy and doesn't get along with my kids and everything is a big ordeal when she's here. We've tried the garden flag idea, I tried telling her parents that I work from home and their kid was ringing the doorbell a zillion times while I was on calls and my kids were at camp, everything. If I open the door, she pushes her way in. If I try to ignore the doorbell, she rings it a hundred times.

No good advice.

How is it possible that a five-year-old can push their way past An adult?

In general I think sometimes adults feel like saying no or establishing boundaries is somehow mean or bad. It is not. You can be firm without being nasty and I think that is the approach some of you need to take with your neighbor kids. For some of your neighbor kids it might take once or twice for others it might take a little longer but I cannot imagine being intimidated or being unable to in affectively interact with a young child.

Anonymous wrote:We have this with a five year old neighbor. She is pushy and doesn't get along with my kids and everything is a big ordeal when she's here. We've tried the garden flag idea, I tried telling her parents that I work from home and their kid was ringing the doorbell a zillion times while I was on calls and my kids were at camp, everything. If I open the door, she pushes her way in. If I try to ignore the doorbell, she rings it a hundred times.

No good advice.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if I’m just being super uptight or if this is in the realm of normal..

I have a 4 yr old (and other children too) and our 5 yr old neighbor a few houses down will knock on our door wanting to play nearly every day. The parents will even drop him out of the car on the way home from somewhere and just keep driving home before I even open the door. He is a nice child, but sometimes I’m busy with other things and don’t want to be cleaning up after them, getting snacks, finding activities for them to do, etc. - or we need to be leaving. If I tell her my child isn’t available I got a million questions, and why not, what is he doing, when are you coming back, what are you doing tomorrow. Plus my child gets disappointed that someone came over to play and I’m saying no.

I don’t know the parents, beyond knowing one of the parents’ first names, which makes it even more bizarre. I find it pretty inconsiderate to send your child to other people’s houses, especially if you don’t know them beyond a name, and not even ask if it is a good time or if your child up for playing..something. I could see if the kids were older..but they are young to be roaming houses, I don’t let my 4 yr old do this. Plus I’m starting to get uncomfortable with indoor unmasked play dates.

Anonymous wrote:We have neighbors (and an entire street) like that. Multiple houses have kids that come out, knock on doors, and hang around to see if kids can play. When kid(s) can play, parents say yes. When kid(s) can't, we say no. It's not super difficult. We know the jam.

The main rule for all of us neighbors is that the kids stay outside. They wander from one backyard to the next. They don't go inside so no one has to clean anything up. And no kids on screens. If it's raining, they don't play together. But mainly their on swings, bikes, sandpits or whatever is outside.

Honestly, OP, it's great babysitting if you can send them outside. If love this setup. Our kids get so much unplanned, free range play. Yay, childhood.

Anonymous wrote:This is totally the parents' fault. You need to have a talk with your 4 yr old that some days (or afternoons or weekends) are Family Time and not Playing With Friends Time.

Kid: Can DD Play?
You: Nope, we're busy. She might be able to play on Tuesday afternoon.
Kid: Why?
You: Because I said so. You need to go home now. Bye bye!

Kid: Hi what are you doing?
You: I don't answer questions like that from kids
Kid: Why?
You: Because I'm an adult and I don't have to
Kid: Can I have a snack?
You: You need to go home and ask your parents for a snack. We're not doing indoor playdates anymore because of the rising Covid cases (this, I'm willing to explain). But DD can't play now, so you need to go home.
Kid: can she play later?
You: No sorry, if she's playing outside tomorrow morning you can play outside with her.

Just keep setting boundaries. It's YOUR house, YOUR kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no idea what this kid's situation is, but I had a friend whose parents offloaded her wherever they could all the time. She used to actually phone my mom when she was sick because her own mom was "too busy at work" (as a museum curator!) to pick her up from school.

This was a close friend of mine all throughout my childhood and young adulthood, and my mom tried to include her as much as possible. It didn't work, my friend turned shy and withdrawn, and finally committed suicide when she turned 30. Prior to that, she had been a straight-A student, very successful competitive tennis player, and the absolute nicest person you could know.

I hope this kid is very resilient and is able to overcome what sounds like borderline neglect from his family. Whatever you decide to do, please consider his situation.

I'm sorry for your loss, pp. At the same time, your message about helping out a kid whose home life may be neglecting is fine without the gratuitous mention of the suicide. Do not put the burden on OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no idea what this kid's situation is, but I had a friend whose parents offloaded her wherever they could all the time. She used to actually phone my mom when she was sick because her own mom was "too busy at work" (as a museum curator!) to pick her up from school.

This was a close friend of mine all throughout my childhood and young adulthood, and my mom tried to include her as much as possible. It didn't work, my friend turned shy and withdrawn, and finally committed suicide when she turned 30. Prior to that, she had been a straight-A student, very successful competitive tennis player, and the absolute nicest person you could know.

I hope this kid is very resilient and is able to overcome what sounds like borderline neglect from his family. Whatever you decide to do, please consider his situation.

Anonymous wrote:Walk him home. Exchange numbers with the parents. Ask them to text before they send him over.