Anonymous
07/26/2021 19:15
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
I don’t think anyone acts like just choosing the man is an accomplishment, I think people realize that marrying someone with money is likely to lead to an easier marriage, and a successful marriage *is* an accomplishment. I also don’t see anyone queuing to give awards to women who marry poor men.
Also, women today are more successful than we have been in the past. To marry someone as successful as myself (which I think most people would say is a reasonable requirement) most of the people were well off.
Also, women today are more successful than we have been in the past. To marry someone as successful as myself (which I think most people would say is a reasonable requirement) most of the people were well off.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 18:58
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Anonymous wrote:One reason I find this weird is that I probably could have married a much richer man than I did (as in I had two serious boyfriends, both working at Biglaw firms and both from well off families) and chose not to because I was not into that lifestyle or that level of competitive materialism. Maybe here are wealthy men who aren't like that, but I never found one in DC. I think in order to be willing to do the kind of work (and the kind of hours) that allows you to have that lifestyle, you have to be interested in money and motivated by the idea of having more than others. I wasn't, and left Biglaw and also broke up with those guys when I realized we just had different values. When I met my DH, who works in government and has a very similar approach to work-life balance and finances to me, I was so happy I had held out for someone who felt like the right fit for the kind of life I wanted to lead.
I have friends with rich husbands now, including in Biglaw, and some of them are happy and some are not. They all have more money than I do, and while I occasionally envy their money (mostly around certain trips they can take that we really have to save up for), I feel confident I would not be more happy with their husbands instead of mine. My DH and I sometimes say "Oh, it would be so cool to take a trip like that to South Africa and go on a safari and stay in a luxury resort." But we'd want to do it together, not with whatever rich spouse would enable us to do so easily.
So the idea that marrying rich is an accomplishment is odd to me. Why would settling for someone I don't love as much, who doesn't share my values and doesn't want the same kind of life that I want, have been an accomplishment?
I guess it's an accomplishment if it was your goal and you achieved it. But forgive me if I'm not impressed.
Big law is not rich. Big law is working all the time for a wage. Hedge funds, CEO’s, venture capitalists, etc are the one who become rich. We are talking millions in stock options and compensation.
Examples
Alexander Karp Palantir Technologies -$1,098,513,297 (total compensation)
Tony Xu DoorDash- $413,669,920
Eric Wu Opendoor Technologies-$370,240,992
Leonard S. Schleifer Regeneron Pharmaceuticals- $135,350,121
Etc, etc
Anonymous
07/26/2021 18:40
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
One reason I find this weird is that I probably could have married a much richer man than I did (as in I had two serious boyfriends, both working at Biglaw firms and both from well off families) and chose not to because I was not into that lifestyle or that level of competitive materialism. Maybe here are wealthy men who aren't like that, but I never found one in DC. I think in order to be willing to do the kind of work (and the kind of hours) that allows you to have that lifestyle, you have to be interested in money and motivated by the idea of having more than others. I wasn't, and left Biglaw and also broke up with those guys when I realized we just had different values. When I met my DH, who works in government and has a very similar approach to work-life balance and finances to me, I was so happy I had held out for someone who felt like the right fit for the kind of life I wanted to lead.
I have friends with rich husbands now, including in Biglaw, and some of them are happy and some are not. They all have more money than I do, and while I occasionally envy their money (mostly around certain trips they can take that we really have to save up for), I feel confident I would not be more happy with their husbands instead of mine. My DH and I sometimes say "Oh, it would be so cool to take a trip like that to South Africa and go on a safari and stay in a luxury resort." But we'd want to do it together, not with whatever rich spouse would enable us to do so easily.
So the idea that marrying rich is an accomplishment is odd to me. Why would settling for someone I don't love as much, who doesn't share my values and doesn't want the same kind of life that I want, have been an accomplishment?
I guess it's an accomplishment if it was your goal and you achieved it. But forgive me if I'm not impressed.
I have friends with rich husbands now, including in Biglaw, and some of them are happy and some are not. They all have more money than I do, and while I occasionally envy their money (mostly around certain trips they can take that we really have to save up for), I feel confident I would not be more happy with their husbands instead of mine. My DH and I sometimes say "Oh, it would be so cool to take a trip like that to South Africa and go on a safari and stay in a luxury resort." But we'd want to do it together, not with whatever rich spouse would enable us to do so easily.
So the idea that marrying rich is an accomplishment is odd to me. Why would settling for someone I don't love as much, who doesn't share my values and doesn't want the same kind of life that I want, have been an accomplishment?
I guess it's an accomplishment if it was your goal and you achieved it. But forgive me if I'm not impressed.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 18:19
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Guys with a lot of money who use it as their prime asset for "getting" women AND the women seeking them because they are rich are perfect matches for each other.
They are the epitome of a capitalist-patriarchy market model of mating.
Should anyone admire that? I do not think so. It's gross. About as morally appealing as slavery. Disgusting.
They are the epitome of a capitalist-patriarchy market model of mating.
Should anyone admire that? I do not think so. It's gross. About as morally appealing as slavery. Disgusting.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 15:00
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Should you only date rich guys? No. But there is more than one perfect spouse for you out there. There may not be 20 million perfect guys for you but there are probably thousands. You may bump into one and not reject him out of hand. There is no nobility in being poor, MC, or rich. It should not be the be all and end all but it is not wrong to consider as a factor.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 14:58
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We grew up on Disney movies, where the most special girl marries the rich prince.
Also, for most of human history, women couldn’t amass their own wealth, or often even hold good jobs. The best chance for a decent life was marrying someone with money.
+1. I don't think younger generations realize how much movies, music, magazines, and general media/pop culture influenced young girls growing up - particularly for those of us from the 70s, 80s and even 90s. We lived through decades with wall to wall coverage of teen/young girls who's only goal was to bag the football quarterback, some Prince Charming or other desirable male character. That does a number on the psyche. I mean, how many girls grew up with low self esteem or warped body images because of the exact same media? That takes decades of unlearning, counseling and introspection. You don't think that the idea that woman are worth more than just the husband that they land needs time to unravel, as well? I cannot rewatch the Little Mermaids, Snow Whites, Sleeping Beauty, etc. that I must've watched a 10000x as a young kid. Luckily, I had parents who were very big on education. I went to law school. Travelled and worked around the world. However, I remained unmarried through my 30s mainly due to law and early career years. I felt terrible about myself and was in a state of constant anxiety about my marital status. Because all that education, career, travel, wasn't valued more than being engaged.
I don't think that things have changed all that much today. Yes, media has made huge strides and I'm glad that my daughters don't watch the garbage TV or read the BS magazines that I did, but there is a measure of self-worth still attached to marital status. I think that answers your question, OP.
Marital status is a measure of self-worth and has been for centuries. We need to do better to dismantle that notion with young girls.
I call BS. This is ingrained in human nature over millennia and across cultures. Women want the strongest and best provider for their offsprings. In fact human societies had to invent the institution of marriage and monogamy so that a large % of males would not be left without a partner.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 14:40
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman who went to college to have fun and has little ambition finding some rich guy to marry is an accomplishment because you will have a life you could not have on your own. However, you may have a lousy marriage because it was about the money. When I was single my GF's and I were all very career focused and doing very well on our own so marrying for money wasn't a necessity. I don't think anyone I know married someone rich - I certainly didn't.
It is possible to do well financially/professionally AND seek same.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:42
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
You just notice the ones you envy. Selection bias. I bet plenty of your friends are in your shoes you just notice them because it’s ordinary to you.
Yeah, It’s great to have more money but that money has strings. No man is a plan.
Yeah, It’s great to have more money but that money has strings. No man is a plan.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:37
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
If you are a woman who went to college to have fun and has little ambition finding some rich guy to marry is an accomplishment because you will have a life you could not have on your own. However, you may have a lousy marriage because it was about the money. When I was single my GF's and I were all very career focused and doing very well on our own so marrying for money wasn't a necessity. I don't think anyone I know married someone rich - I certainly didn't.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:29
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
First, what's the definition of a rich man? $5 million, $10, $20, $50 million? When we got married we had very little money as we were just starting out in our careers but we definitely had potential as we were both Ivy MBA's, but both with a good amount of debt so we probably had a negative net worth. 30+ years later we are rich by anyones definition (except Bezos types!) but I didn't marry a rich man though I'm now married to one. My "accomplishment" is marrying for love and then getting lucky.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:20
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Because it's great not to worry about money. Hot men are also a good accomplishment.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:17
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Older women 70+ think snagging a rich guy is an accomplishment because it was one of the few things that would work for them.
Most women don't consider this an "accomplishment" any more, but I've observed that in more conservative circles it still is a goal. Women who do this usually are raised to value their looks and body rather than their skills and abilities.
I’m the PP who stated access to resources matters
This has nothing to do with “conservative values” or outdated notions, and isn’t antifeminist - it just makes sense.
All else being equal, your (and your children) will have opportunities and experiences inaccessible to those without means; that is a fact. There is well-documented gender inequity in society and the workplace, as well as motherhood penalties that women experience with regard to their careers. Money is a top reason for divorce. I could go on.
If anything, marrying only for love is pretty stupid. There’s a lot more than lovability that makes someone a good spouse and family person, and their ability to amass resources for the family unit is one of their most valuable contributions, logically speaking.
You are a twit. Intellectually stunted. Illogical. Subjugated.
Thanks for your input
What I said is correct
Women are judged harshly and face challenges men couldn’t even imagine. Men don’t apologize (or even, interestingly, have to explain) their endless list of “must haves” when it comes to finding a spouse, yet women seeking to marry a man who will enrich her and her children’s lives is somehow gauche
That’s the patriarchy for you.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:10
Subject: Re:Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
I'm married to a well off man and am proud of it. But we also started dating at 19 when we both had very little except potential. We both worked hard and now are doing very well 20 years later.
He made more earlier in the relationship while I was still in school. Now I make more. His early income, however, helped us to buy a house in DC in our mid 20s, which netted us tons of equity, and his income allowed me to do law school without loans. His income also allowed us to max out a 401k starting at age 22. Early investment is huge.
He made more earlier in the relationship while I was still in school. Now I make more. His early income, however, helped us to buy a house in DC in our mid 20s, which netted us tons of equity, and his income allowed me to do law school without loans. His income also allowed us to max out a 401k starting at age 22. Early investment is huge.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:08
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
I avoided rich men on purpose. I grew up around wealthy families, greek life in college, etc. and had a bias because the boys/men were so spoiled and uninteresting. I realize this was a huge generalization but that is how I felt in my 20s.
I much preferred men who had to struggle in some way.
I can definitely see how it's made some women's lives easier, but the same time unless they are really in love (and even then) they are almost prisoners to maintain the rich lifestyle and had a certain lack of autonomy.
But for me, I have always had my own family money so I never felt the need or pressure to marry a wealthy person.
I much preferred men who had to struggle in some way.
I can definitely see how it's made some women's lives easier, but the same time unless they are really in love (and even then) they are almost prisoners to maintain the rich lifestyle and had a certain lack of autonomy.
But for me, I have always had my own family money so I never felt the need or pressure to marry a wealthy person.
Anonymous
07/26/2021 12:07
Subject: Why do women think it’s an accomplishment to marry a rich man?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would think its evolutionary. Females go after the makes best suited to provide food,stability,protection for offspring. In lions is the strongest, in humans its the richest.
Lol there is not enough rich or upper middle class to go around.
That is kind of the point. If you find one and marry one, it is an "achievement" because there isn't one rich man for every woman to marry. They are top 1%, or even less actually, of men.
Do you consider it an achievement to be a mistress to a wealthy man? Sincere question.
Why would you need to ask this? It isn’t relevant at all
Because I’m not sure what exactly the achievement is with marrying a rich man. PP made it sound like it’s the rarity of the rich man. But does that mean that everybody who gets access to a rich man’s money has “achieved” something since there aren’t enough rich men to go around?