Anonymous wrote:If you're both ambivalent, the answer is no more kids. And that's fine. No need to make a pros and cons list or fret about it.

I posted way upthread and used a lot more words but... this is basically it.

The funny thing is that we were at least a little ambivalent about having kids at all and decided to go for it, and that was also 100% the right decision. It's not that we didn't want kids, but we were conscious about and took seriously what a responsibility it was. In the end we decided that we needed to just take the leap and we are so, so glad we did.

But when you already have a kid, having a second isn't really a leap. You know what parenting is at that point. Having one kid doesn't make you less of a parent. But unless you are really craving a bigger family, seems like a flashing sign to just be happy with what you have.

We never gave much thought to having a 2nd child until I saw a friend of mine who is an only child. When both his parents died, he had a really tough time. Seeing what he went through I could not bear the thought of my child going through that.

Had an IVF for the 2nd child and 4 months of hospitalization requiring complete bed rest during pregnancy. Even ate while in a prone position for all those months. Several scares and absolute nightmare during that time.

Still one of the best decisions I made.

If you have the money, then hire help. You should not be so exhausted with a toddler. Independently on the decision of having another kid, you should both focus on your health.

I don’t think you should have another kid now if by 8 you are so exhausted. Fix your life/health and then decide on the second child.

I have 3 kids and life is chaotic and stressful (often), but I manage to sleep enough, exercise (most days), eat healthy and spend time with my family (with a FT job). I think having multiple is amazing for the parents and for the kids. When I see other parents with onlies, I only feel better about our decision.

Sometimes you end up with a second or third down the line anyway. My second was born when the first was a young teen and I’d already gotten used to being the parent of an only. Then, we adopted a teen last year. So I am the mother of three.

DH is a diplomat. I felt that subjecting one child to a peripatetic life would be unfair. As one of four daughters, I also assumed that having siblings was essential to any child's happiness. Of course, I now understand that I was wrong. We had three, who supported each other during the moves, but an only child, had we remained settled in DH's country would have been just fine. I think that only children can have lives that are even richer in some ways than those with siblings.

Anonymous wrote:It was important to us to give our child a sibling. We are older parents who are both only children. Now that we are older, we both realized the disadvantages of being only children (we don’t have anyone who shares memories with us, no big family for holidays, no support with aging parents, etc.). We are also older, which mean that we will die when our kids are still relatively young, so we wanted to give them support and family when we are gone. I have to tell you, I love having two. Yes, it’s harder. But when I see them play and invent games, my heart fills with joy. Good luck with everything, OP.

I'm a PP (who couldn't imagine a second before the first turned 2.5) and all of the above also applied to us.

It was important to us to give our child a sibling. We are older parents who are both only children. Now that we are older, we both realized the disadvantages of being only children (we don’t have anyone who shares memories with us, no big family for holidays, no support with aging parents, etc.). We are also older, which mean that we will die when our kids are still relatively young, so we wanted to give them support and family when we are gone. I have to tell you, I love having two. Yes, it’s harder. But when I see them play and invent games, my heart fills with joy. Good luck with everything, OP.

I am grew up as an only child (adopted) with an only child. He ended up having special needs so we didn't have a second one. This was good because we could devote our resources to him.

I met 3 other siblings when I was grown. It was interesting to meet them, but blood is not thicker than water. I have friends of 40 years -- those are like sisters to me.

Anonymous wrote:We could have been very happy with one, but I'm only really sure of that now that we have two. Not to say I regret my second at all - I 100% don't, she is a complete joy - but I see much more clearly now that as introverts, DH and I are really drained by two kids in a way that we would not have been by one. I was never really worried about the sibling thing, in my mind so many things play into whether or not a sibling is going to be a lifelong friend and support or a challenging relationship that it's hard to use it as a deciding factor.

A lot of people I talk to see this as a natural or inevitable part of parenting. The little kid years are hard. The days are long but the years are short. I nod and smile, but never feel this way with my one.

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Anonymous wrote:I was an only child and always wanted a larger family of my own. There wasn't ever a question in my mind that I'd have 2+ kids. When DD was like 1.5 she started begging us nonstop for a sibling. DS was born when she was 22 months and they've been best friends since. I really think DD never wanted to be an only child and she was meant to be the big sister. She's sensitive, empathetic and loves being a little mommy. Pregnant with #3 and I doubt DS will make as good of a big brother as DD was.

I love the baby years and the toddler years have been sweet too.

As another only, please provide a sibling. My kids are so much happier!!

I am an only and loved it growing up. I have two kids and they don’t get along at all.

Yeah, and also, it shouldn't be on the parent to "provide" a sibling. That's how you get moms with mental health issues. My mom would have been way happier with just one, objectively speaking.

Let me guess pp you are the older! I am the middle child and glad I was born.

I'm sure you are, but unless you are anti-birth control and are popping out as many kids as possible like the Duggars, this statement is hypocritical. Nobody is obligated to have a child that hasn't been conceived because that hypothetical future person would like being alive. There is plenty of research that at a population level, mothers are happiest when they have one child. Many are happy with more. But you should only have as many children as you can raise without sacrificing your mental health and well being. Period.

You are in serious need for a sense of humor, pp! I am not a Duggar. I am one of three and I have two kids. So please temove the stick from your ass!

Thank you and I am sure you will feel better once you do that.

My apologies. There is a “pro-life” poster trolling around the infertility forum and I’m obviously on defense. My apologies if that was just a joke!

Thank you and I accept. Having one kid is perfectly fine! I am happy with my two.

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Anonymous wrote:I was an only child and always wanted a larger family of my own. There wasn't ever a question in my mind that I'd have 2+ kids. When DD was like 1.5 she started begging us nonstop for a sibling. DS was born when she was 22 months and they've been best friends since. I really think DD never wanted to be an only child and she was meant to be the big sister. She's sensitive, empathetic and loves being a little mommy. Pregnant with #3 and I doubt DS will make as good of a big brother as DD was.

I love the baby years and the toddler years have been sweet too.

As another only, please provide a sibling. My kids are so much happier!!

I am an only and loved it growing up. I have two kids and they don’t get along at all.

Yeah, and also, it shouldn't be on the parent to "provide" a sibling. That's how you get moms with mental health issues. My mom would have been way happier with just one, objectively speaking.

Let me guess pp you are the older! I am the middle child and glad I was born.

I'm sure you are, but unless you are anti-birth control and are popping out as many kids as possible like the Duggars, this statement is hypocritical. Nobody is obligated to have a child that hasn't been conceived because that hypothetical future person would like being alive. There is plenty of research that at a population level, mothers are happiest when they have one child. Many are happy with more. But you should only have as many children as you can raise without sacrificing your mental health and well being. Period.

You are in serious need for a sense of humor, pp! I am not a Duggar. I am one of three and I have two kids. So please temove the stick from your ass!

Thank you and I am sure you will feel better once you do that.

My apologies. There is a “pro-life” poster trolling around the infertility forum and I’m obviously on defense. My apologies if that was just a joke!

If you're both ambivalent, the answer is no more kids. And that's fine. No need to make a pros and cons list or fret about it.

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Anonymous wrote:I was an only child and always wanted a larger family of my own. There wasn't ever a question in my mind that I'd have 2+ kids. When DD was like 1.5 she started begging us nonstop for a sibling. DS was born when she was 22 months and they've been best friends since. I really think DD never wanted to be an only child and she was meant to be the big sister. She's sensitive, empathetic and loves being a little mommy. Pregnant with #3 and I doubt DS will make as good of a big brother as DD was.

I love the baby years and the toddler years have been sweet too.

As another only, please provide a sibling. My kids are so much happier!!

I am an only and loved it growing up. I have two kids and they don’t get along at all.

Yeah, and also, it shouldn't be on the parent to "provide" a sibling. That's how you get moms with mental health issues. My mom would have been way happier with just one, objectively speaking.

Let me guess pp you are the older! I am the middle child and glad I was born.

I'm sure you are, but unless you are anti-birth control and are popping out as many kids as possible like the Duggars, this statement is hypocritical. Nobody is obligated to have a child that hasn't been conceived because that hypothetical future person would like being alive. There is plenty of research that at a population level, mothers are happiest when they have one child. Many are happy with more. But you should only have as many children as you can raise without sacrificing your mental health and well being. Period.

You are in serious need for a sense of humor, pp! I am not a Duggar. I am one of three and I have two kids. So please temove the stick from your ass!

Thank you and I am sure you will feel better once you do that.

We could have been very happy with one, but I'm only really sure of that now that we have two. Not to say I regret my second at all - I 100% don't, she is a complete joy - but I see much more clearly now that as introverts, DH and I are really drained by two kids in a way that we would not have been by one. I was never really worried about the sibling thing, in my mind so many things play into whether or not a sibling is going to be a lifelong friend and support or a challenging relationship that it's hard to use it as a deciding factor.

Taking care of one kid was enough for me. I never even considered having another. I've always felt very content with that decision especially now that I'm looking at college tuition.